25 Fake Swears Parents Use in Front of the Kids

LOL 261

little girlThe first time my daughter dropped something and said "fudge ripple ice cream," I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She wasn't asking for a sweet treat. She was copying me, specifically copying my go-to "curse" word.

Yes, occasionally I curse in front of my kid. But I try not to do it very often, and so I've got some "fake" curses up my sleeve, words I use in place of the really bad four-letter words that I want to say ... but shouldn't.

Fudge ripple ice cream, in case you haven't guessed, is what comes out of my mouth when I want to drop an F-bomb. It gets the job done, but I'll admit it's pretty comical, even a tad bit ridiculous

But if you think that's bad, just wait until you hear some of the crazy things parents say just to avoid using bad words in front of their kids!

More from The Stir: 16 of the Craziest Things Perfectly Normal Parents Have Said

Parents 'fessed up to all of the following:

1. Oh Buzzard Soups!

2. Zip it, Happy Meal! (stolen from Despicable Me)

3. Schmaltz (s**t),

4. Fudge graham (f**k)

5. Holy guacamole

6. My brother likes to yell "son of a BEAVER!" when he needs to swear and his kids are around. I like it because it still sounds dirty.

7. I curse in front of [my kids] but on the occasion I remember in front of other people's kids, I use "oh, sugar snaps!"

8. [My daughter] came up with "jingledarnit" as an alternative to swearing when we talked about it.

9. Shut the front door!

10. Flipping (in place of the other F-bomb).

Swear Words for Parents11. Razzle-frazzit! (Came from an old Looney Tunes)

12. I say, "Oh coconuts," though I think I stole that from Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

13. I am always yelling "GARBAGE!" It takes the place of many words I want to use...

14. I used to say, "Oh crap" all the time. Not exactly the worst curse word, but one day as I was about to scream it I noticed my 4-year-old looking right at me, so, "Oh crumbcake" came out and it stuck!

15. Sugar pie (in place of sh*t).

16. Nuckin futs!

17. Flip flop for f**k

18. Oh mustard for oh sh*t

19. Hockey Sticks (for Hell)

20. Ish (for sh*t)

21. Fanabala (f**k)

22. My mom says "oh fart" instead of the f word.

23. Friggers (for f**ers)

24. Fudge ripple ice cream

25. Frick (for f**k)

What are your go-to fake curse words?


Image by Jeanne Sager

family, independence


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Disso... Dissolutions

eh, i say shoot instead of shit alot, and dang it, and effing....not really cutesey but it works.

lmh84 lmh84

Shiitake mushrooms for sh**

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

Frick, Fork, Sheet, mo-effin', son-of-a-buck, etc lol

nonmember avatar Amber

"Juicebag" for d*uchebag

Porce... PorcelainPixels

My grandmother used to say fiddlesticks instead of sh**.


Felip... FelipesMom

I say what the blood clot (Beastie Boys) and son of a monkey.

Lately I have been subbing flip for every other curse word, whether it sounds right or not. It's kind of fun.

And when I can't reisist saying "You/he/etc must be on crack," I say "You/he/etc must be standing on a crack in the sidewalk." My son has no clue where that came from, but all the adults do lol!

tatto... tattoomommy89

Fudge monkey for the f word, crap. Shoot.

EvaSa... EvaSamuel

"Patootie" and "Son of a Building Block" (from Toy Story) are my favorites.

2baby... 2babymomma

cheese and rice, dodge ram it, fudge nuggets

Daisy329 Daisy329

^^ Dodge ram it is clever.

1-10 of 261 comments 12345 Last