Mom Confession: I'm Letting My Daughter Have a Sleepover With a Boy

Mom Moment 11

sleeping bagThere's a photo on my fridge from my daughter's first ever sleepover that always cracks me up. In it, she and a little boy are making funny faces at the camera. Did you catch the fact that I said little boy? We have rocked the co-ed sleepover in our house.

Movies. Popcorn. Ice cream sundaes. You name it, it's come out.

I guess this is where I should 'fess up to the fact that her very first sleepover friend was (is?!) her cousin. He's just shy of a year older, and they have a lot of fun together.

Still, he's a boy. She's a girl.

I never thought twice about letting him sleep over, even letting them sleep in the same bed.

Bad mom? To hear some of the mothers 'round the web talk (type?), yes. Admitting you've thrown a co-ed sleepover is just this side of saying you've dosed the kids' bottles with antifreeze (now, I have NOT done that) in some circles.

I don't get it. At least not when it comes to young kids (teens are a whole different story).

They're little kids! Little kids barely notice gender. And the risk of any hanky panky is 0. They are KIDS.

Little. Kids.

I'm not an ostrich with my head in the sand here. I know there are some kids who act inappropriately very early.

Those are the scary facts that keep moms up at night. But what allows me to actually fall asleep is reminding myself that those kids are few and far between. Most little kids are pretty, shall we say normal?

At 8, my daughter is pretty normal as are her boy friends, boys who frequently come over for playdates. As I type this, I can hear peals of laughter from my front yard where she and her friend, M., are digging for earthworms in dirt they've soaked with the hose.

The other day she asked for another co-ed sleepover with one of them. Some moms -- the moms I mentioned above -- would say "no" immediately.

I didn't. I said I'd talk to her father and to the little boy's mom -- the same answer I give when she asks to have a little girl sleep over.

At 8, I'm perfectly fine with her having a boy friend sleep at our house should the other adults say it's OK. The rules won't be much different from having a girl (although the girls often change clothes in the same room ... that will be different). They'll probably have pizza and sundaes, they'll play in the backyard until it starts to get dark, they'll be allowed to watch a movie before bed, and then they'll have to go to sleep.

They'll do kid stuff because they are still kids.

Do you let your kids have co-ed sleepovers? When will you stop?



Image via gabriel amadeus/Flickr

boys, girls, friends


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insei... inseineangel

I don't see the big deal with it. All you have to do is watch the kids and how they interact with each other. If there's a possibility of one child behaving inappropriately, there will be red flags for that behavior. If you're sure there's nothing like that to worry about, then go for it! I'm sick of this "girls and boys can't be friends" thing because everyone and everything is so damn sexualized nowadays that we can't even trust our little children together because people just assume "oh no, a penis and a vagina, there will be sex!". If you're simply worried about other mothers' opinions... SCREW THEM. You do what is right for your child. THEY are not raising your child, and their opinions really do not matter. I live my life for me and my daughter, not to please the fellow mothers around me, and if they don't like what I'm doing, they can remove their nose from my business and tend to their own.

Happy... Happydad73

Its all fine and dandy until they are 13, 14, 15....and all of the sudden you put the kibosh on these sleep overs and they start throwing a fit saying you never had a problem before and now you change the rules in the middle of the game. That's gonna be a fun time for you.

nonmember avatar blh

What's the big deal if its her cousin?! Family is completely different. I had sleepovers with male cousins all the time. The only boy to spend the night that wasn't family however was the son of my parents friend and we were like 5.

nonmember avatar blh

And I agree with happydad. Its better to just avoid all that in my opinion ha.

the4m... the4mutts

I watch for indicators of inappropriate children with ALL my kids' friends. Male or female. I am sorry to tell you, that they are not so few and far between. I put a stop to the ONE same aged cousin my kids have spending the night, because she has been exposed to too much, too soon. She is 7, and has 3 teenaged brothers, who do not censor themselves around her.

She has tried talking my girls into letting her watch them change, and use the restroom. She's a sneak, a liar, and talks about things 7yr olds shouldnt talk about. I just found this stuff out, after my 9yr old son started worrying about his little sisters, and came to tell me. I had no idea that this innocent little girl, was acting too big for her britches.

Im not saying that the kids you daughter hangs out with are "bad" kids. I'm just saying that the bad kids, may be closer to home than you think.

Karin... KarinJune

My oldest daughter's best friends in middle school were both boys and they had sleep overs all the time. Why should she have been penalized for having "boy" friends instead of "girl" friends? Nothing inappropriate ever happened. She is now 24 and has wonderful memories of those years.

sassy... sassykat122

It really does depend on the kids. You know your own and her friends. Inappropriate behavior can come from same genders as well. And as for HAPPY's idea that they pitch a fit because things change at a certain age? Tough luck, teenagers pitch fits when you look at em crossways. Thats not a reason to punish them at 7 or 8.

nonmember avatar jordyn

my second sleepover ever was with a boy. i was maybe 7 or 8. he was my best friend and my parents didnt care at all.

Blues... Blueshark77

I did it when I was little so I don't see the problem with it. As suggested above you know your own kid and their friends so you have to make the call based on that.

Michelle Hollis

I'm not sure how I feel about it. If it's family, fine. If not, then I probably wouldn't let it happen. But that's just me.

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