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An earworm. You know what that is, right? One of those songs you could curse repeatedly because it gets stuck in your head for hours, days, maybe even weeks at a time? What's even worse than an earworm? An earworm with horrible lyrics that your kids love to sing at the top of their lungs.
I'm not just talking swear words, either. The scene: you're driving in the car, and all of a sudden, you hear a chorus of "Thong Song" coming from the backseat. You're mortified. At that moment it doesn't matter where they heard it or how the hell they absorbed those catastrophic lyrics into their adorable little minds. What matters: these are YOUR kids. GOD PLEASE don't let anyone ever hear them.
Sure, I'll guarantee you they have NO clue the significance of what they're singing. Sure, seeing an 8-year-old belt out inappropriate lyrics can be cute, a la Sophia Grace.
But man, does it still feel wrong. Check out our list of 10 songs your kids should NEVER ever sing:
1. "Whistle" by Flo Rida
Most offensive lyrics: "Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby / Let me know / Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it / And we start real slow / You just put your lips together / And you come real close ..."
2. "S&M" by Rihanna
Most offensive lyrics: "Sex in the air I don't care / I love the smell of it / Sticks and stones may break my bones / But chains and whips excite me."
3. "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse
Most offensive lyrics: "I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby / So I always keep a bottle near."
4. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
Most offensive lyrics: "I wanna get you home / And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh / I ain't talkin' bout Playboy / 'Cause silicone parts are made for toys."
5. "Ignition" by R. Kelly
Most offensive lyrics: "I'm bout to take my key and stick it in the ignition."
6. "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears
Most offensive lyrics: "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy." (Translation: F-U-C-K me)
7. "Wasn't Me" by Shaggy
Most offensive lyrics: "Honey came in and she caught me red-handed creeping with the girl next door / Picture this, we were both butt naked banging on the bathroom floor."
8. "Like a Virgin" by Madonna
Most offensive lyrics: "Like a virgin, ooh, ooh / Like a virgin / Feels so good inside / When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me."
9. "Milkshake" by Kelis
Most offensive lyrics: "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard/ And they're like, 'It's better than yours' / Damn right it's better than yours / I can teach you but I have to charge."
10. Anything by Ke$ha
Exhibit A: "Before I leave brush ma teeth with a bottle of Jack / 'Cuz when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back." -- "Tik Tok"
Exhibit B: "I don't care what people say / The rush is worth the price I pay / I get so high when you're with me / But crash and crave you when you leave." -- "Your Love Is My Drug"
Have you ever been horrified by a song you heard your child sing?
Image via ReneS/Flickr