20 Signs You're a Helicopter Parent

LOL 32

helicopter parentsI never really thought of myself as a "free range" mom until I started paying attention to the way some other parents, well, parent. That's when I started encountering all these crazy helicopter moves!

When did we become a nation of such hoverers? Was it because we're the first generation of parents raised on a steady diet of after-school specials designed to scare the ever-living bejeezus out of us? Because we've had it drilled into our heads what happens if you open the door to a stranger, do drugs, or eat something with raw eggs in it?

Whatever is causing it, helicopter parenting has taken over America. And it could be in your house! Don't believe me?

Just take a gander at the signs of a helicopter parent:

1. Your kids' teachers see you coming and instead of greeting you with "Hi, Mrs. Jones!" they groan and whisper, "It's her again. Runnnnn!"

2. You still cut your son's meat. He's 12.

3. You have the principal on speed dial and keep a list of things to tell her "next time."

4. You're the mom who reported the mom at the playground to CPS. For feeding her son Goldfish.

5. You've priced a kiddie lo-jack system, and you're seriously considering the purchase.

20 Signs You're a Helicopter Parent6. You have a voodoo doll that looks suspiciously like Lenore Skenazy.

7. When your daughter got her "pen permit" from the school for learning cursive, you took it away because someone might lose an eye with that thing!

8. You've completed one of your kids' school projects. COMPLETED, not helped (yes, there is a difference). 

9. Your won't let your son ride the school bus because the driver won't let you get on to check that his seatbelt is securely fastened.

10. You bought your 5-year-old a smartphone so she can text you when the bus gets to kindergarten to let you know they made it OK.

11. Your daughter wears a helmet to bed in case she falls out (and by bed I mean mattress on the floor, around which is a sea of pillows).

12. You are horrified when your parents suggest your 10-year-old throw out his own napkin and put his own plate in the sink.

13. Your child has NEVER lost a game. Not even Go Fish.

14. Your son's friends don't like to come over for playdates because they don't want to have to play with YOU.

15. You hired a Mandarin tutor. For your preschooler. In the United States.

16. You have "mommy" business cards that list you as "Acai's Mommy" and list her many talents.

17. You have never left your 10-year-old home alone with ANYONE (not even his father).

18. Your kids don't go to birthday parties because there are GERMS there.

19. There's a nanny cam in your daughter's bedroom. You don't have a nanny.

20. You say your kid has never eaten dirt (and you actually believe yourself).

Sooooo ... are you a helicopter parent? What other signs should make the list?

 

Image via © iStock.com/Leadinglights

behavior, discipline

32 Comments

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nonmember avatar Cass

Although I know this article is a joke, I do know many women who are like this (and have seen a few in the comments of this site). Seriously people- let kids be kids and generally try not to interfere unless there is clear and present danger.

nonmember avatar NoWay

I'm happy to say I am only guilty of #2 ... cutting my 12 year old's meat. But, he is very clumsy and awkward and I don't trust him with sharp knives. :)

nonmember avatar Saoirse

Is this a joke? I cannot imagine doing any of these things and take serious pity on those parents that are compelled to do so. Realy people? I have 3 grown, mature and very stable boys that would not have been if I behaved this way. I used to think I was over protective and hovered but, after reading this... NO WAY!

Nelli... NellieAthome

Um mm NoWay - at what point do you think your son will stop being clumsy with a knife if you do not let him learn? Do you cut his meat for him in front of his friends? What happens when he starts to date, will his girlfriend have to cut his meat for him??

curly... curlygirl31

Who names their kid Acai?

Never... Never.A.Mom

I would add


- You get in the middle of kid's fights with siblings or friends so "nobody gets hurt" - when there's no real risk of it happening

Melis... Melissa1508

I'm not a full blown helicopter mom, but I suddenly realized, after making fun of them, that I am becoming one.  Sigh.  Must...stop...now.

Jessi Griffin

I don't do any of these (:



Definitely a free-range mother hehe

jeane... jeanellensmommy

Thankfully, I don't do any of these. Heck, I even let my 5 year old go out in the (completely privacy fenced in) backyard and play by herself sometimes.

jdelv... jdelvecchio

I don't see the big deal, I don't do all of these but do do 2,3,7,17, and 18. But my 10 has some disabilities and I have lost a child, I want my kids to be safe. I have spent time in the ER for stitches and staples once for falling on a toy truck and almost taking aeye out, just inches above thank god. I am that mom who watches all the time and sends kids home if they are naughty. But my yard is still full of children playing nicely. I always have a houseful of kids to feed dinner to most nights. Yes I walk my boys to school, 1 block away, but have to cross a busy street and have seen many speeding cars almost hit kids. Don't get me wrong I wish there weren't cell phones to text so people watched the roads, I wish there wasn't sex offenders to have to watch for. But instead I enjoy making sure my children are safe, happy, and taken care of and so are their friends who come over. So guess I am proud to be a helicopter mom.

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