My 5-year-old has been a tad difficult lately. And by a tad, I mean HUGELY INSANELY HORRIBLY difficult. It must be a phase (dear God, please let it be a phase), and I am counting down the seconds until he reverts back to the easygoing boy I knew.
In the meantime, I'm tightening the reins, doling out the punishments, and teaching him who's boss. But you know what sucks about that? The fact that I can't punish him these days without feeling like I'm the one getting punished.
Here are the top five punishments he hates most ...
1. Cancelling a playdate: Not only do I look like a dick to the other parent, but I need to deal with an annoying child complaining of nothing to do all afternoon and I have to entertain him while he could have been someone else's problem for the day.
2. Not attending a birthday party: Again, I look like an asshole backing out at the last minute, I’m already out the gift, plus I have to make lunch. Definitely not a win.
3. Going to bed early: So I need to listen to him screaming and whining for hours? That makes for a relaxing night.
4. Taking away video games: The only time I know that I can shower without an audience, conduct a work call, or cook dinner alone is when he is peacefully using a Wii or iPad. Why on earth would I want to live without them?
5. Taking away TV time: TV is the only reliable and free babysitter I have. You think I'm giving that up? No way.
See? There's simply no punishment that gets to him without making me suffer even more. As he likes to say: It's not fair!