Well, I guess I can go ahead and add another doozie to the list of my most epic parenting fails to date. (I'm on a roll, people.)
Earlier this morning, I tried to convince my 7-year-old son to lie to his teacher at school today -- if he needed to. Yep. That's right, I encouraged him to tell a lie. To fib. To stretch the truth. But only if it was absolutely necessary, of course.
Let me explain the method behind my madness before you go calling the parenting cops on me for being the worst mom in America. (I'm NOT. I swear.)
I live in Connecticut, and while this is typically known as a cooler part of the country, today temperatures are going to reach upwards of 92 degrees. And guess what? The little rinky-dink elementary school that my son attends was built like 50 years ago, and it's not air conditioned. Did I mention it's a brick building, which basically makes it an oven when it's hotter than hell outside?
And since it's so damn hot, I'm all worried about my little dude overheating and being completely miserable in his primitive classroom that only has one fan to cool down 24 kids and a teacher. But something tells me if he complains about wanting to go home early because he's all hot and sweaty -- they probably won't let him.
So I devised a plan. (Here's where the lying part comes in.) Our conversation went something like this:
Me: "Honey, you know that lying is wrong, right?"
Me: "Ok, well there are these things called 'white lies,' they're like 'little' lies that are ok to tell when you really need to."
Me: "If you get way too hot and school today and want me to come pick you up, here's what you do -- tell the teacher you have a headache and ask to go to the nurse. She'll call me, and then I'll come get you and you can come home and chill out with me in the air conditioning."
Him: "MOM. I'm NOT going to do that. That's LYING. And I want to be honest, so I'm not telling my teacher a lie."
Is this one going to come back and bite me in the ass, or is this one going to come back and bite me in the ass?
One of two things is probably going to happen here. Either he'll go to school today and tell his teacher that his mother told him to tell a lie -- or he'll wise up to the whole "white lying" thing and use it against me down the road.
I can hear his little voice already. "It's only a WHITE lie, Mom -- and you said white lies are ok sometimes!"
Sigh. Even when I'm only trying to look out for my kid so he doesn't pass out from heat stroke -- I still manage to screw up somehow.
Have you ever tried to teach your kid to do something only to have it backfire?
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