In my recent post about decoding Momisms, I realized that not only have I officially become a mother, I may have officially become MY mother. Not that she was bad, she was and is wonderful, but she spoke a language of cliche "parentese" that I swore would never pass my lips.

No, I would never say, "Because I said so," as I intended to have long conversations with my brilliant offspring in which I would explain my decision and discuss my reasoning ad nauseum.

I mean, they deserved to be talked to like adults, right? No quickie threats or illogical arguments? Well, at least that's what I assumed when I was one of them. Now, I realize those phrases were uttered to stop from having conversations (ad nauseum) about EVERY LITTLE THING or because they were simply quick, to the point, and preserved sanity.

Here's a list of those things we swore we never say (but do):

The Illogical:

  1. Don't look at me with those eyes.
  2. Children are to be seen, not heard.
  3. If you keep making that face, it'll freeze that way.
  4. If you want to act like a child, I'll treat you like one.
  5. Quiet down, I can't even hear myself think.
  6. One day you'll thank me.
  7. Because I said so, that's why!

The Logical:

  1. As long as you're under my roof, you live by my rules.
  2. God gave you a brain, use it.
  3. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

The Sarcastic:

  1. Are your legs broken?
  2. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?
  3. Oh, Jen's mom lets her do (Blank), fine, go live with Jen's mom ... I'll help you pack.
  4. Shut the door, were you born in a barn?
  5. Your room looks like a cyclone ran through it.
  6. Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.
  7. Let's play the quiet game
  8. Someone better be bleeding.
  9. Where are your manners -- were you raised by wolves?

The Threatening:

  1. I'm not asking, I'm telling.
  2. When you have kids, I hope they're just like you.
  3. Don't you use that tone with me Mister/Missy.
  4. Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
  5. You better wipe that look off your face.
  6. Don't make me: tell you again / come back there / turn this car around, et al.

Well, did I miss any phrases?


Image via Jenny From the Blog @TheSuburbanJungle.com