While writing recent pieces about how you know if you're the mom of a boy or the mom of a girl, I realized there are so many indicators that separate us moms (in general) from everyone else on Earth. So here it is: You know you're a mom if ...
1. You haven't heard your actual name the entire day, but you've been beckoned relentlessly.
2. You've ever sang The Wheels on The Bus with the same enthusiasm you once sang I Will Survive.
3. Lying is always an option as in ... "I'm sorry, the game store is closed on Sunday." "I love the outfit you put together yourself." "Yes, you do sound like Beyonce when you sing." and "No, they don't give ketchup at the drive-thru."
4. You have a stain on your clothing that you would have to taste to place. What is that latte or spit up? One sec… Hmmm... Oh, it's spit up.
5. You've recently consumed mac n' cheese, french fries, chicken fingers, or mini hot dogs and you weren't attending Major McCheese's wedding.
6. A bulldozer could roll by your bed with no reaction, but you can make-out a cough at 3AM ... across the house ... with no monitor ... in a thunder storm.
7. You've circled the block a few times simply to extend your date night past 9PM.
8. You've actually fallen asleep while reading Good Night Moon, singing the alphabet, or trying to figure out what sound a donkey makes.
9. You have an arsenal of shameful tactics to convince another human to eat ("Here comes the train." "There's a party in your belly." "Of course there's no vegetables in this brownie, duh.")
10. You are fully capable of having conversations while sleeping and they may be as scintillating as the ones you have while awake.
11. There's a finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it's not yours.
12. You've recently been asked to look at someone's poop for assessment.
13. You repeat things you swore you never would i.e.: "Because I said so." "One day you'll thank me." and "Are your legs broken?" because they buy you just a minute of peace and that's way more valuable than any promise you made to yourself when you were a kid.
14. Someone at some point has peed pooped and thrown up on you and it may have happened in the same day.
15. You consider scented hand sanitizer to be a fancy purchase.
16. Someone else uses your smart phone and all your tech products, for that matter, more than you do.
17. You live in a world where "Maybe" means probably not and "We'll See" means never, but those around you haven't picked up on it yet.
18. You can cut a sandwich into way more shapes than triangles.
19. You consider a night at Chili's fine dining.
20. You can't pee, sleep, or bathe without knowing there's a distinct possibility you'll have the company of a small person.
21. You've used all the dishes out of the dishwasher before you got around to unloading it.
22. You can use your keyboard, phone, iPad, but there's a good chance your fingers will get stuck to it.
23. The term "minivan" has rockstar allure.
24. You're busier than Martha Stewart, Ryan Seacrest and Donald Trump … all rolled into one.
25. You have a love so intense, so fierce, so all consuming -- it can only be understood by other mothers.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Photo via Jenny Isenman/TheSuburbanJungle.com
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