7 Reasons 'One & Done' Parents are Jealous Of Moms With More

Mom Moment 73

oneMost days I'm pretty unabashedly happy to have an only child. We are one of those families where being one and done just works! But even knowing I'm done doesn't stop me from wondering sometimes what life would be like with two kids (or more!).

I'm going to break the one and done code here for just a moment and say it: sometimes I'm jealous of parents with more kids. Usually it comes just after my daughter's latest buddy has left our house at the end of a particularly good sleepover. It passes, but I can't lie and say it doesn't happen.

Yes, oh parents with more than one kid, it's true, I think you have it better. Sometimes. Well, at least when it comes to the following:

1. There's Entertainment Value. When I was pregnant, I had a fear of giving birth to twins. My grandmother, who had seven kids, including twins (hence my fear that I could be carrying two!) insisted that they were easier because the two entertained one another. I thought she was nuts until my daughter started having playdates. My daughter is pretty independent, but I'll admit things are MUCH easier when there's another kid around to keep her occupied.

2. You're Not Always Defending Yourself. I've been called defensive about choosing to be one and done, and the critics are absolutely right. I am defensive ... because nosy and rude people MAKE me defensive. It's amazing how many people are willing to snark on my decision to stop at one child. Folks with two never hear "but she deserves a sibling" or "she's going to be so spoiled" or "he'll be all alone when you die." I'd love a life where people stayed out of my uterus.

3. You Don't Ask Yourself "What If?" OK, maybe you do. Maybe folks with two ask "what if" they'd had a third, and folks with three ask "what if" about a fourth, and so on. At the end of a wander down this path, I always come back to the decision that I'm happy where I am, but I've found that little monster in my head only starts talking when other people start criticizing my choice. If I wasn't hearing the constant criticism (see number two), I wouldn't ask at all ... 

4. You Aren't Alone. When a fellow one and done friend mentioned the possibility that she might try for another baby, it practically tore me in two. On the one hand, I'm happy for her as a friend should be. On the other hand, a piece of me felt like I was being left alone on this one and done island. When friends keep on having babies after you've stopped, you lose something that once tied you two together, something you related both related to. Not to mention your friend is about to go back into baby mode, a stage you're never going to have again. I don't want to feel like a bad friend here, darnit!

5. Board Games are Easier. OK, seriously, what is with the games that insist you have at least 4 players? My daughter is still pissed that we've never played Apples to Apples.

6. Family Four-Packs. I know, it's alliterative. And it's an even number. But do you know how much of a pain in the behind it is to miss out on the "deal" because really, I only need three tickets?

7. You Can Hand Things Down. I love hand-me-downs from my cousins. I love handing things down to my girlfriends with daughters. But gosh darnit, I would like to get a little more bang out of my buck too! I have dreams of a pair of jeans actually being worn until they're ragged, but it ain't gonna happen with just one kid who's growing like a proverbial weed.

Alright one and done parents, can you relate? Do you harbor a secret jealousy of parents with more kids?

 

Image via WarmSleepy/Flickr

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nonmember avatar melmcl

I'm blessed I have A child - he was our miracle baby. I have never been jealous of someone with more kids and I come from a big family. The only things I truly cannot stand are people (USUALLY FAMILY) that ask why we didn't have more. I have avoided many family functions because of this. Please please please - stop asking people if they are going to have another one. You don't know the circumstances and they could be very sad. I cannot carry another child and on the very remote chance that I did get pregnant again, it would be extremely harmful to my health. This is why we only had one - it makes no one feel better to answer the question honestly.

nonmember avatar MollieMae

Nope, love having an only, and despite what people think, he likes being an only and never wants siblings. My house is peaceful, we're very close, child makes friends easily out of necessity, and isn't neurotic from having to compete for attention. The only thing I think is a good point is that he could potentially have two elderly, ill parents someday, but we have planned for that with long-term-care insurance (which we can afford since we only have one kid.) And in most families, the care of aging parents tends to fall to a single sibling anyway, then they resent each other for it.

Mommy... MommyOfOnee

I actually am a little jealous of parents with more than one! For all the reasons you listed, especially being alone with my "one and done" while all my closest friends & family have more than one. Both of my sisters have 2 each, same with my best friend. When they all got pregnant around the same time, I was a little jealous and had a bit of "baby fever". Now I'm glad I only have one, my 15 month old keeps be plenty busy! But I do feel alone sometimes, and the criticism doesn't help. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "she's going to be spoiled" or "its not fair to her not to have a sibling" my daughters college fund would be overflowing. I am not 100% sure I'm done with one, but as of right now I'm not sure I'm up for 2 or more. Loved this article!!

Kings... KingsleysMommy

No way am I jealous of moms with more than one!! I'm #8 of 9 (we are a blended family) and all I did when I was a kid was argue with my siblings. My sister has 2 girls and all they do is pick on each other. There is no way I'm putting my son through that. I love my brothers and sisters but Jesus! I had a very rude woman tell me I wasn't being very considerate to my son and that my body is "made" to have kids. I told her she was being rude by telling me what I should do with my vagina and that she was also being rude assuming I could have more kids. She walked away pretty red in the face. More power to the lovely ladies that want more than one but for me a single is the perfect fit. :-)

Angie... AngieHayes

I dont know if I should have a third, I want one but I dont want to be pregnant again.

Nuagent Nuagent

I'm jealous of one and done families. Before my second my daughter got tons of attention and we could do a ton of activities because there was no baby. Now my husband or myself invariably misses out on something because the baby needs a nap etc. We are older parents so we did it for the "alone" factor after we pass, but I miss getting to spend all my time with my girl.

nonmember avatar valccgirl

To comment on #2. I have one boy and one girl and I often get asked if I'm done because I have the "million dollar family". Often this comes from people I don't even know. Really? People need to mind there own business, whether I have 1 kid or 20 kids, it's my business and no one elses!

Brain... BrainyMommy

Funny. I have twins and sometimes am jealous of my friends with one child. Their lives look so much simpler. No two kids screaming at each other. Peace and quiet.

Venae Venae

How can a single child be "spoiled"?  Because he doesn't have to share parent time w/other kids?  Because he doesn't have to fight w/siblings?  Because he may have more/better things because parents only have to buy one - example - nicer shoes because you only have to buy one pair?  Or be able to go to private school since there's more money?  

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Im actually alil jealous of one and dones. I often wonder what if i rui.ed my oldest by having a baby. Baby is gettin ready to turn 5to and man sometimes i do wonder if we messed up lol. In alot of ways im super glad we have her, but at times it would just be easier with one. They bicker constantly. Have twice the costs for activiities etc.

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