My Daughter Prefers Playing With Boys & I'm Glad

Mom Moment 13

a girl and her buddies"One of the boys." It's not how I would have ever thought to describe my 7-year-old daughter. And yet, when a long-time friend and father of two of her friends said it, I realized it was true.

When we walk into a house teeming with little boys, my daughter is not the girl who sits in a corner waiting for another child with the same anatomy to arrive. She's the kid who grabs a Nerf gun and drives right into the fray. At 7, almost 8, I'm relieved to say she sees the boys in her life as her friends. Good friends. Her best friends.

I can't be more relieved.

It's tough to walk the line between teaching my daughter to be proud of her girl power and being honest about the awful things girls can do to one another. There is real science behind the mean girl phenomenon.

I'm in my 30s, and I'm still seeing them. Only now they're tittering behind your back about your husband instead of your hairbands.

It starts in preschool, and it never ends. I want to protect her from those girls.

And yet, she is a girl.

That girls are evil and vicious is hardly the lesson I want her to internalize. I want her to be proud of who she is. I want her to be one of the good girls, one of the girls who is kind, who refuses to take part in the catty backbiting.

Not all girls are bad. If I thought that, what kind of woman would I be? What kind of mother to a little girl?

I wouldn't want to scare my daughter away from curating relationships with good girl friends, and I haven't. When she first drafted a list of invitees for her birthday party (in true 7-year-old fashion the list was made a month ago, and her birthday isn't until June), she included at least three little girls.

But the boys on the list far out-numbered the girls.

And I'm relieved.

I'm relieved because there are things that she tends to do with her girl friends (dressing up in pink, poofy princess dresses among them) that she doesn't tend to do with her little boy friends, and vice versa. I've found that she tends to be more rambunctious with her guy friends, and I can tell that she enjoys it. I don't want her to lose that joy.

I'm relieved because I've been dreading the boy crazy stage and all the other issues that come with it (like the talk about not depending on a boy for your self esteem). The longer she looks at boys as friends and brother-types, the better.

But most of all, I'm relieved because I remember my girl friends and I remember my guy friends, and I can tell you who caused me most of my childhood tears. It wasn't the guys.

I just hope this stage lasts.

Is your daughter "one of the boys?" How do you feel about it?

 

Image by Jeanne Sager

boys, girls

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nonmember avatar blh

Girls can be quite mean, but they will be mean whether she hangs out with them or not. I tended to have guy friends and this obviously isn't a concern st her age but you'd better believe that when she's a teenager they're gonna try to.fuck her and being friends with guys isn't going to prevent the boy crazy stage. I also find it really weird that you say you're glad she hangs out with boys BC with girls she tends play girly games.so what?? She is in fact a girl and this whole idea that there's something wrong with girls acting like girls and boys acting like boys is really disturbing. You're the one teaching her that being a girl isn't good enough if you think actually acting like a girl is a bad thing.

nonmember avatar blh

Girls can be quite mean, but they will be mean whether she hangs out with them or not. I tended to have guy friends and this obviously isn't a concern st her age but you'd better believe that when she's a teenager they're gonna try to.fuck her and being friends with guys isn't going to prevent the boy crazy stage. I also find it really weird that you say you're glad she hangs out with boys BC with girls she tends play girly games.so what?? She is in fact a girl and this whole idea that there's something wrong with girls acting like girls and boys acting like boys is really disturbing. You're the one teaching her that being a girl isn't good enough if you think actually acting like a girl is a bad thing.

crick... cricketmk3

I don´t think many girls these days ¨hang out and wait for other girls to arrive¨ before they join in.  I think that is something they were taught to do in the Beaver Cleaver days. I also find it annoying that a lot of people seem to think that being a Tomboy or preferring to play with boys is a positive thing. Those same boys, years from now, are going to want to do boy/girl things. This mom may not be so proud that her daughter prefers to hang out with them then.

blunt... bluntcakes

I grew up a tomboy I just identified more with boys than I did girls during childhood/adolescence for some reason. Yeah these boys are gonna grow up and maybe see your daughter in a different light or maybe they won't. I didn't lose my virginity til I was almost 19, one good thing about being around boys is that I wised up to their bull shit real quick and my guy friends helped me out with that. Your daughter will probably learn the same thing too.

Mrscj... Mrscjones

Thank you Blunt. I was a big tomboy yes some try you and some look at you like sister. You really do learn all the crap man try to play so you will be wiser than the average. I didnt like hanging out with girls because they tend to keep up a lot of drama and they are more into boy\girl stuff then boys believe it or not.

nonmember avatar Shiree

I was raised as a tomboy and it helped me get along with men now. I had to stop hanging out at my house with boys around 10 because my grandfather said they will change. Dispite that I hung out at school with them, they were my brothers and best friends. Even dating guys in high school didn't cause awkward moments because I knew their limits.



Now girls teased me for 8 years at school. I only had 5 girl fronds that were kind and the female teachers. I didn't trust a female because they broke me so much.



At 21 I am happy to say I am a tomboy still. My wedding isn't too formal and i can't wait to see my man in a tux.

SaphireH SaphireH

my daughter is only 3 right now but if she follows in my foot steps as a tom boy then awesome if not then good with that as well... I started as the typical lil girly girl but at about 2nd grade i became a huge tomboy and it made my life fun. every day at lunch id sit with the boys we had the whole girls table boys table ordeal and my place was there, it was constant burping contests, playing poker, talking about what went on in wrestling or a sport and all the boys loved that i was one of them. even as i grew i stayed towards hanging with the guys because they didnt care about my hair and clothes as the girls did cause i was jeans and t shirts, all they cared about was having fun and knew id kick some ass if needed. now at 26 im still mostly jeans and a t shirt type of girl with sometimes summer dresses or will doll up for a special occasion and i do get my nails done every 3 weeks just mostly cause my real nails are horrible. my husband loves every bit of me and doesnt care how i dress as long as im comfy

nonmember avatar stella

i will encourage my girl to be the type of girl she wants to be. she is a girly girl now already and she is only 2. she loves princesses, makeup, etc. however she loves to play with boys, way more than girls. should be interesting to see how she turns out.

aeneva aeneva

I have more guy friends and always have and my almost 6 year old seems to be going down that route too.  My son also has a really close neighbor/friend that is a girl and she has no issue hanging out with the guys or being a girlie girl at the age of 8.  I think it is great.  My daughter can be a girlie girl but is also a tomboy.  I have a wonderful picture of her in her princess dress up dress playing in the mud in the creek!  I am now an engineer working in a man's world with no problem.

RitzC... RitzCrackerz

I grew up with boys and girls but I got along better with boys. I had one friend that was a girl and the rest were boys. I have a daughter and I don't care what she chooses as long as she's happy.  She can be a tomboy and girly girl at the same time. 

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