9 Things Moms Need to Stop Feeling Guilty About

Hot List 63

i love you momMom guilt. We are wracked with it. OMG, I didn't breastfeed long enough. OMG, I breastfed too long. OMG, I'm a working mom and I don't get to spend enough time with my kids. OMG, I'm a stay at home mom, and I spent too much time with my kids!

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

That's quite enough, from all of you! There are plenty of people in this world who are going to take great pleasure in telling you how much you suck; you don't need to add to it. So here it is, my list of things moms really need to forgive themselves for doing ... right now.

1. When your school-aged kid forgets their lunch. Instead of smacking yourself for not noticing the bag on the counter, how about recognizing that your 7-year-old is old enough to be responsible for her own G.D. lunch by now!?

2. When your kid complains you're the only mom who never volunteers to chaperone the Girl Scout trips. First, you're not the ONLY mom. Trust me. Second, would you rather have a job that keeps you from chaperoning or not have a job and not be able to afford Girl Scouts at all?

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3. When you realize your kid is wearing shoes that are a size too small. I felt like the worst mom EVER when this happened, and then I remembered ... my 6-year-old hadn't bothered to tell me that her feet hurt. Moms, unless you graduated from Hogwarts, stop punishing yourself for not being able to read their minds!

4. When you're too tired to play with your kids. A few months ago I got home from a whirlwind business trip, and I was WIPED. My daughter was all excited to see me after three days with Daddy, and when I crawled into bed, her face dropped. It broke my heart, but let me tell you ... if I'd stayed up, I would have been a cranky, bitchy Mommy. Sleeping for 21 hours straight (yeah, really) made the time we got together the next day sooo much better. Remember you don't want to just give your kids time; they need quality time.

5. When you eat the last piece of candy. Even if you did it while hiding in the bathroom, there is no shame in eating the candy YOU bought. Got that?

6. When the school nurse calls and you realize you sent the sick kid to school. Listen, kids fake sick. A lot. And sometimes it's hard to tell if they're just "not feeling like going to school" or "not feeling well." Schools have nurses for a reason!

7. When they want you to read a fifth bedtime story, and they REALLY should be asleep already. You know what happens to kids who get everything they want, don't you? If you don't, maybe the story you really need to be reading is the one about bratty Veruca Salt.

8. When the parenting rules change. A LOT has changed since my daughter was born: the BPA stuff, the time to start solids, the science on rear-facing car seats. I could get really mad at myself that I didn't know these things then, but I won't ... and you shouldn't either.

9. When you don't feel like making a "real" dinner. It would be a perfect world if every night your dinner table looked like a pin on Pinterest. But if this was a perfect world, every man would look like Adam Levine. One night of cereal for dinner isn't going to kill anyone. 

There it is ... I've done it all. And as you can see by the photo way up at the top, my kid loves me anyway. That's good enough for me to lay down the mantle of mom guilt I've been carrying around.

What do you feel guilty about as a mom? How are you getting past it?

 

Image by Jeanne Sager

discipline, family

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B1Bomber B1Bomber

I have never known a mother who thought "OMG, I spent too much time with my kids." I'm not sure that's even possible. Also, I don't care how tired I am. If I haven't seen my kids all day, they get mommy time before mommy gets mommy time. I can subdue the cranky for fifteen or twenty minutes and play or read a story or two.

Hello07 Hello07

Bomber: it must be nice to be perfect, clearly you don't understand the depth of exhaustion that requires 21hours of straight sleep to recover from.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

Reading this list now as an adult, I realize that my mom did many of the things on this list. I didn't suffer at all from my mom forgetting to put my lunch in my bag as I rushed off to first grade! Try not to beat yourself up over these things, Jeanne, because your kid probably doesn't even think anything of it when it happens!

redK8... redK8blueSt8

"Quality time" is one of the biggest load of BS that women have bought. Quality is only available in the quantity. You can NOT schedule when your kids will need to have an important life discussion with you. You can schedule events, but your kids won't remember that one time you did that one activity as much as they will all the time that you were (or were not) just simply present in their day. The only way you will ever get to quality time is through quantity of time.

MamaT... MamaTo2b2g

I totally agree with Bomber. Suck it up for your kids. That's not called being a "perfect" mom, it's called being a good mom.

jpfsmom jpfsmom

All B1 is cranky and taking it out on this blog, must be all those hours striving to be a perfect mom. ;). As far as the sick, a couple times my son seem totally fine with no fever or signs of sickness and downright cheerful and normal until a few hours later (bugs can hit you unexpected any time) so I think everyone deserves a couple mulligans on that one. :).

nonmember avatar J

Whoever wrote this is a bad mom. I could see the sending a sick kid to school thing, but everything else it just laziness. 21 hours of sleep? Tomorrow is never promised! Spend every moment with your child that you possibly can. Blogs like this encourage bad moms to continue thier behavior. Your children are a gift. Cherish them :) p.s - you are responsible for feeding your 7 year old child. That one was just weird.

mande... manderspanders

@ J:  It must be nice to never have to work; or have work take you away from your family. Get real. I agree Hello07... to NEED to sleep that long is a level of exhaustion that most should be grateful not to experience.


A good mom makes sure that she is well-functioning; just as a good parents make sure to keep their marriage a priority.  It is inherent that you can't be a good parent if you neglect your well-being.  For as excited as I am to be a mom (and for as much as I *love* all the kids (medically fragile kids) that I work with), even I know that having children and being a mom isn't the end-all, be-all of existance. 


Perhaps instead of focusing on what other mothers are doing or aren't doing, we should all just do the best we can by our own families - make the most of what you've got, love your babies, and teach them to be able to function in the real world... because those are *really* the only things that matter in the end (how each parent achieves that, is obviously different).  Then there wouldn't need to be any articles on "mommy guilt"  (will this be a new diagnosis in the DSM-V, I wonder?)

nonmember avatar Tsg

First, I felt so guilty when I worked leaving my son with grandma. Now I work 4 part time small jobs that pay very little , but I have all the time with my boy now because of it. The first thing I do when I see my son is squeeze him because school is 7 hours!! Omg.. I don't cook all the time, but that don't mean he's not being fed. I know pizza place phone numbers!.lol and if you forgot their lunch, why not take it to school as soon as you see it, of course if its before lunch. Idk, I'm not perfect, but I am one hell of a mom. I LOVE my son so much! He is undescribly the best lil dude ever. I parent with this in mind. Do absolutely nothing you will regret later on.

nonmember avatar Tsg

First, I felt so guilty when I worked leaving my son with grandma. Now I work 4 part time small jobs that pay very little , but I have all the time with my boy now because of it. The first thing I do when I see my son is squeeze him because school is 7 hours!! Omg.. I don't cook all the time, but that don't mean he's not being fed. I know pizza place phone numbers!.lol and if you forgot their lunch, why not take it to school as soon as you see it, of course if its before lunch. Idk, I'm not perfect, but I am one hell of a mom. I LOVE my son so much! He is undescribly the best lil dude ever. I parent with this in mind. Do absolutely nothing you will regret later on.

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