Blogger Jill Smokler delights and enlightens us with her real mom confessions and honest takes on motherhood every week in her Stir column. So today, in honor of her second book Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies) (which is awesome!) (you need to buy this book!) (trust!), we thought it would be fun to give you a sneak peek of some of the gems inside.
Here are 7 of Jill's OWN revelations from her book told in the sweet, refreshing, no-bullshit style we've come to know and love. If you're a mom, you already know this stuff and can laugh your way through in a spirit of camaraderie -- and if you're not, this is required reading. Consider yourself warned.
1. Ladies, there's just no way around it, I'm sorry to say. You will never get your pre-baby body back.
2. No matter how hip you think you are, or how cool you try to be, that come a certain age, your child is bound to find you to be THE MOST EMBARRASSING CREATURE ON THE PLANET.
3. The list of things parents do to make raising children harder for the rest of us goes on and on. There are parents who do a half-assed job of shampooing the lice out of their own kids' hair. The parents who throw birthday parties that rival wedding receptions. If I could, I'd gather all of those parents in one room and become the parent who goes Nightmare on Elm Street on their asses.
4. Whoever first uttered the phrase "children keep you young" clearly didn't have children. Children don't keep you young; they prematurely age the hell out of you.
5. The very fact that a woman is built to carry and nurse a child ALL BY HERSELF should be enough of a sign that marriage is not meant to survive parenthood.
6. Neither children nor mothers sleep better as kids age. I would argue it gets worse. I'm hoping I'll get some rest when my kids leave for college.
7. The dynamic of going from two kids to three kids is kind of like going from pulling up to Portofino, Italy, in a beautiful yacht in perfect, cloudless weather, to finding yourself on the Titanic after its collision with the iceberg.
You'll find this and so much MORE awesome wisdom (including helpful tips on how to mortify your child, things you need to do for yourself before you have children, and 25 things kids never say) in the book!
What's the biggest lie you were told about being a mother?
Going to baseball games
Riding bike rides in the nice weather
Playing outside after work/school
Going for walks outside