9-Year-Old's Tragic Suicide Can't Be Held Against Mom

Most mothers have to fend off repeated requests from their only child about when she's going to give them a little brother or sister. But imagine the opposite. Imagine that your child doesn't want a sibling. And doesn't want one so much that when she learns you're pregnant, she threatens to kill herself. This was reportedly the agonizing situation that mom Tamiqua Torres found herself in. And then the situation got even worse. Tamiqua's nine-year-old daughter, Justice, was found strangled with a shower curtain. The little girl had apparently killed herself -- because mom had given birth to a little boy.

Tamiqua wrote heartbreakingly on her personal blog:

We were as happy as happy could be until one day my then 8-year-old woke up and decided that she wasn't exactly thrilled about being a Big Sister. I mean who could blame her, she spent the last 8 years all to herself being spoiled by everyone only having to share while in school.

Granted, eight years is a long time to go being an only child and then suddenly have competition for your mom's affections. But still, most pre-teens don't then tell family members that she "wants to die" as Justice reportedly did, prompting Tamiqua to get professional help.

According to Tamiqua's blog, things seemed to go well after Justice's half-brother entered the world. She wrote:

When he arrived and [Justice] was happy and reassured that although her world has forever changed she loves him more than she thought she would. The road my family and I traveled to get where we are now was not smooth we faced many road bumps but over came them as a stronger family unit than I imagined us to be.

But Tamiqua wrote that in January. That was before she found her nine-year-old strangled with a towel in the shower, which police believe was at Justice's own hands, though it hasn't yet been officially ruled a suicide. It's been about eight months since Tamiqua gave birth to Justice's half-brother.

Police also say that the girl was doing well at school and didn't experience bullying. She apparently just didn't want to share her mother's attention.

I can't imagine the intense guilt that Tamiqua must be feeling, despite the fact that it sounds like she did everything she could. Still, she will probably blame herself for having another child. Is this really something parents need to be concerned about now? Do they need to talk to their kids about possible upcoming siblings before they even happen, gauge their reaction, and then enter into therapy if their reaction isn't 100 percent positive?

Do you go ahead and have more children anyway? It's crazy to think about letting your current children be the ones to make this huge decision for you -- especially given that the vast majority of kids won't react the way Justice very tragically may have done. What is a mother to do?

How did your first born feel about his or her siblings?

 

Image via LibAmanda/Flickr

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zombi... zombiemommy916

This is beyond sad...I just don't understand how a 9yr old could do something so final and so extreme because she was jealous?? There has to be more to this!! Was she always depressed or felt extreme alienation somehow?? I don't know...I have a ten year old AND a newborn and while things are hectic at times, she is madly in love with her new sister...and suicide is something she knows nothing about...I know I'm rambling, but I just can't wrap my head around this...

Serab... Serabelle

Senseless and tragic. Mom isn't to blame, the daughter probably had some underlying psychological issue that either the mom didn't detect or had just come on. I feel for the mom, and the little boy that someone will eventually tell him it's his fault his sister killed herself.

nonmember avatar kaerae

She did not kill herself because of jealousy over the new baby. There is much more to this story.

nonmember avatar kaerae

Also, the mother wrote all about her daughter's personal feelings, including the fact that she was seeing a psychologist, was jealous, and "spoiled" on her public blog. You have to wonder whether she was teased by kids whose parents read that. Other parents will tell their kids about stuff like that, and those kjids could have been hassling her at school. Maybe this happened, maybe it didn't, but it's something for all "mommy bloggers" to think about when they air their children's private struggles publicly. Parents of your kids' classmates read this stuff and many will offhandedly tell their kids about it. You have the legal right to violate your child's privacy, but some of the writers at the stir should seriously think about it the next time they talk about their kid bedwetting, self-injuring, getting her period, being spanked, etc. Despite it's title, this IS NOT a coffee table with a few close friends, it's PUBLIC! You use your full names and pictures, anyone who knows your kid knows who you're talking about. Something to seriously think about!

nonmember avatar Jez

Sounds like this child had a serious case of narcissistic personality disorder. Good thing she did't try to harm the baby. I think she wasn't actually trying to kill herself, she was probably just trying to get attention from her parents with a suicide attempt and ended up killing herself.

aasmi... aasmith88

Hmm.. Agree with alot of the other comments..something feels missing from this tragedy. Was she put on pills? Something as simple as prescription can give anyone suicidal thoughts. My 10 year old sister at the time was on ADHD medicine and she reported that she was having death thoughts about herself. 

LAHnT... LAHnTAH0812

I am having trouble believing a 9 year old, or anyone, could strangle themselves with a towel... Foul play?

MrsRo... MrsRoberts413

Truly tragic, and my heart goes out to the family.  I do wonder, though, if the child was put on some sort of psych medication: those can cause suicidal thoughts too intense for a child that age to bear, even when "properly dosed."  I too, find it extremely difficult to believe that a 9 year-old could generate enough force witih something like a towel to strangle themselves...there has GOT to be more to this! 

kumora kumora

i have to agree with several of these comments though i have a feeling that alot more is missing from this story than what some are thinking. and to LAHnTAH0812  it is possible to do but she would have had to tie it to something to do it so they should look more into it and make sure there was no foul play involved.

Mommi... MommietoJB

I dont know how does a nine year old know what suicide is or to even be that mature to know that they can try to deal with their pain in this way. She obviously had some type of mental illness, so very sad.

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