When my kid was itty bitty, I used to dream about the elementary school days. I reasoned I'd be able to say "use your words," and she would, and it would all be hunky dory. No more trying to figure out why a screaming infant is all upset with Mom. Big kids can help you solve their problems!
Go ahead. Laugh. I deserved it. Here I am with a 7-year-old and have finally realized that being able to talk just means your kids' outbursts are that much weirder. If anything, knowing why I'm the "WORST MOTHER EVER" just makes me scratch my head. Come on, I can't be the only one dealing with a little angel who quite suddenly runs into the bedroom and slams the door because, OMG, Mom, you DID IT!
It's true, I'm the worst mother in the whole wide world. Behold the evidence:
1. After I spent 17 minutes brushing the tangles out of her hair one morning, I made a rule that she must use conditioner EVERY night.
2. The dog ate her Easter candy. I didn't buy new Easter candy.
3. I don't care if the other kids' moms don't make them zip their coats. I make her zip hers.
4. I refused to buy her a snow cone five minutes after she'd told me she was FREEZING.
5. Her sleepover was cancelled because the other kid was sick. I didn't have a magic pill to make the other kid better.
6. I said we couldn't go to the library again until she's read at least two books from her own bookshelves.
7. We couldn't go visit the babysitter's new kitten at 7:30 on Sunday night (her bedtime is at 8).
8. Our chicken nuggets are homemade ... and not shaped like dinosaurs.
9. If she doesn't eat "green stuff" with dinner, she doesn't get dessert.
10. I ate the last mozzarella stick.
If she sounds like a brat, well, yes, sometimes my kid is a brat. It happens to the best of them. The rest of the time she's really quite lovely. I swear. I haven't thought about selling her to the zoo (at least not this week ... but it's only Monday).
So how do I keep my sanity?
Ah, here's my trick! I talk to other mothers. A s--t ton have confessed they have these moments with their elementary-school-aged kids when the kids are completely irrational. The sunny angel suddenly "hates" them just because, well ... they're green bean pushing tyrants who could make Saddam blush.
Turns out I can't be the worst mother in the world because all those other moms are too. Just can't wait to tell my kid ... another thing to slam the door over, perhaps? Bwahahahaha.
So how about you? Why are you the "worst mom ever"?
Image by Jeanne Sager
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