Our 6-Year-Old Daughter Showers With Her Dad in the Room -- So What?

showering with daughterUntil yesterday, it had never occurred to me that my husband -- my daughter's father -- helping our 6-year-old shower was really that big of a deal. I was just happy about the fact that after months of cajoling, we finally convinced her to give up her beloved baths in favor of the shower.

But now, if you believe what you read on the Cafe Mom forums, it seems my husband is no longer allowed to help with the bathing of our daughter. It seems she is now "too old" to be seen nude by him. Yeah, my baby daughter who still loves her blanket, comes into our room when she is scared, and wants to cuddle on our laps, is apparently too big a girl to be nude.

Get serious, people. Oh and also, get your minds out of the gutter.

Not everything is a Lifetime movie. Not every dad would abuse his child. At this point, neither my husband nor I stay in the bathroom as she likes longer showers. But she will call us in to help her change the temperature or give her a comb for conditioner or help her out of the bath with slippery feet and whoever hears her goes to her. Either my husband or myself.

There is nothing wrong with this. She is a little girl.

I do the same with my son and there is nothing nefarious or weird about it.

I understand as parents we must be diligent about teaching our children about good touch and bad touch and stranger danger and all kinds of other things. But we also have to teach them that they can trust their parents and that their bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.

My child is still happy to run around our family lake house naked in the backyard. She loves it. There is no way in hell I would take that innocence away from her. I feel sorry for people who see evil lurking around every corner or who say a 6-year-old needs to be modest.

That might be true in public. I am not sure I would let her run around nude in the park any more (though I did when she was a toddler, as did every other parent), but in her home? In front of the daddy she adores? Absolutely. And anyone who might think to tell me otherwise needs to rethink their own past and not put that baggage on my children.

Do you think it is wrong for a dad to be in the room while his daughter showers at 6?





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Andi Dodd

I could not agree with you more! My daughter is 5 1/2 and she strips down to her panties as soon as she walks in the door, but knows that when we have company; she has to be fully dressed.  People who try to sexualize innocent children must be either paranoid beyond belief or have been victoms of sexual abuse in the past.  Especially if they suspect their own husbands of being anything but innocent.

mommy... mommytojack0524

Daughter showering/nude with dad in the room? Ok.  Dad showering/nude while daughter is in the room?  No.

Sierr... SierraLynn

If its works for you, then fine. But I dont agree with it.

Kids that age need to start learning modesty, running around naked is not okay at 6. And really, a 6 year old should know how to bath herself alone. Hell, my 3 year old for the most part knows how to bath herself, just needs a little help getting her 2-in-1 shampoo rinsed out.

Also to the above commenter, I am not paranoid nor have been sexually assaulted. Its our personal preference to not allow our children to run around the house naked. It may be within your own home, but at what age does it stop? When does it no longer become appropriate for your children to strip down the instant they walk in the door? Im not bashing, Im honestly curious.

Crystal Ann Van

I'm not paranoid either, nor do I make the assumption that the dad is a creep. I do think you guys are crossing far too many boundaries with this though and her dad is flirting with jail time. I have a 6 year old as well and she is fully capable of bathing herself. She should NOT be showering with dad in the room. That is wrong on so many levels.

Joo Hee Bennett

What is the difference between a mom seeing her son nude at age 6, and vice versa?  Because I don't think many people would have problems with a mother and son situation, but father daughter, because of the obvious problem with child molestation, has a bad connotation.  Honestly, we are a laid back family.  I shower with my toddler a lot to kill 2 bird with 1 stone, but my SIL looked at me like I was crazy.  To each, their own!  :)

Bloom... Bloomie79

If it doesn't work for your values or your family then it's your business to say no. Otherwise this "wrong on so many levels" crap needs to come to a fast halt, we are discussing a parent child relationship here. The previous commenter who pointed out that mom can be in the room with her son no problem hit the nail on the head. Men are not to be assumed to be unable to control their sexual impulses or even to have sexual desire for their daughter at any age. That's really offensive. Your kid who's old enough to bath themselves is also old enough to tell you when they are uncomfortable being naked in front of you, and they will. 

nonmember avatar Suzanne

Kids develop modesty when they are ready. I don't make a big deal about nudity in my house, but about the age of 8 or 9 the kids start to close the door when they dress and make a point of showering alone. It's not something you have to teach them or force, it is just a normal part of development.

nonmember avatar Meghan

@Crystal her dad is flirting with jail time? That is a seriously ridiculous comment. From what was said he is only in there when she needs something... Last I checked that was part of being a parent, so what boundaries are being crossed there exactly?

pezch... pezcharlotte

Thank you Bloomie for a completely rational answer to this.  My daughter is 2 and she showers with her dad.  There is nothing wrong with this at all. I am there as well because she wants us all to be there together (including the dog). It comes down to when my daughter and husband are uncomfortable. When she is uncomfortable things will change.  I was raised being naked around my mother (and she with me) and this still happens now occasionally and this in my opinion helped me have a good body image.  My daughter will no longer see my husband naked when it gets to a point where it is no longer comfortable.

Rootbear Rootbear

Yeah, my boyfriend helps his daughter in the shower. We have a removable shower head and she holds on to that and he washes her hair and then he'll hold the shower head and make sure she washes everything else properly. When she decides that she wants her privacy then that's fine. When I have to help her in the shower I encourage her to be more independent and just make sure she does things properly from a distance because she'll be 6 in 2 weeks and the 'I dont want anyone in the bathroom with me' stage is looming.

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