Growing Families

6 Things Not to Say to a Mom With 'Lots' of Kids

LOL 232

6 annoying things people say to big families

I wish I could say I was surprised at the stupid things people say to parents, but I'm not. Since having my first child almost 9 years ago, I've learned that parenting is something that everyone, even people who don't have kids, have an opinion about.

Whatever happened to "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"?

The comments I thought were bad when I had one kid are about 400 times worse now that I have four kids. But today, instead of smiling and laughing like I usually do since I usually have my kids with me when I hear this crap, I'm going to share the craziest things people have said to me and what I'd love to tell them. Or where to shove it.

  1. You do know where babies come from, right? You know, it's funny you mention that because I was just asking myself the other day "Where do babies come from?" and then my vagina piped up and reminded me of the combined 30 hours of labor and all those stitches.
  2. Wow, you really have your hands full! Are you kidding? This is a spa vacation. See, I actually have about 20 more children at home but I keep them all locked in a closet and rotate out the good ones.
  3. You must have a lot of sex. Well, don't tell anyone, but I actually bought these kids on the black market. But yes, I have sex. A lot. Probably a lot more than you do, especially if you say stupid crap like that all the time. 
  4. You are my hero. Oh gosh, thank you. My vagina is blushing.
  5. I'm so glad I stopped at two kids. If you think it's okay to say something like that in public to a mom, in front of her children, I'm really glad you stopped too.
  6. You must like torture. Wait a second. This is so bizarre. Have you been looking into my bedroom?

See also:

8 Things Never to Say to a Mom of an Only Child

5 Things Never to Say to an Adoptive Parent

8 Things Never to Say to Moms of Multiples

5 Things Never to Say to Lesbian Moms

20 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

5 Things Not to Say to Divorced Moms


Moms of 3 or more kids, what comments drive you crazy?


Image via Kristen Chase

siblings, family


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Pinkmani Pinkmani

I can't help it. I'm curious as to how you can afford to put food on the table, medical expenses, clothes, kid's activities, and put money towards retirement. I wonder how you are able to spend quality time with each child individually, have time for yourself, and your husband. 

I'm one and done over here. No mortgage, no car payment, no credit card debt. Live off of my income and put his into savings...

Laura Ries

@Pinkmani - you live within your means. That's easier said than done for some people. My husband is a dairy farmer. I'm a secretary. We do what we can & nothing more. Once a month, on the anniversary of their birthday, we have one on one time with that child. (My oldest was born April 8, so on the 8th of each month, we do something special - he gets to choose his favorite meal, an after supper treat, and an activity to do - this gives him a chance to talk to us & discuss things he may not choose to say in front of his younger brothers) We rarely buy new - I LOVE thrift stores & have found some awesome deals for clothes for them! I work for the state - my insurance is awesome. I can't say everyone is like that, but mine is great. I can't argue with good insurance when it comes to medical expenses. And finally, I'm lucky.  I may have 6 boys - but they're healthy boys. Being farmers, we don't get to do a ton of activities, but 3 of them are in basketball. One is deciding he'd rather do chess club next year instead (that's cheaper than basketball - haha)
Would it be nice to have no debt of any kind? You bet! But, we live the way we live. We're proud of our boys. We don't over extend ourselves. We don't need to. My kids are the best - that's all we need :)

kelti... kelticmom

Pinkmani, in my sister's case, her husband is an attorney and she has stayed home with all six, and home schooled as well. Now that they kids are teens, she can go on business trips with her husband for a few days or a weekend getaway and my mom stays with them. I realize it's not the same for all large families, but as one of five myself, I can say that I never lacked time with my parents and my best friends are my three sisters.

nonmember avatar kathryn

wow. pinkmani, you can't figure out how to love and provide for three or more children? It's called family and we do things together, every body helps out, and occasionally you have to sacrafice a little ME time to make it work, its what a good parent does. I have a blended family, and they are the most awesome well-behaved "clan" I could ask for. I get asked all the time "are all those kids yours?" Umm, yep, they sure are and I'm proud of them.

Eliza Barcicki

I have 4 kids, and I think the comment that drives me nuts is, "do they all have the same dad?" really?! They do, but what would it matter if they didn't?!

Jennifer Overman Frater

am a mother of 5 and yes everyone of those comments have been said to me. #1 is my favorite to answer, I used to bite my tongue but its funnier seeing the expression on there face when I say, " the twin girls are from a 18 month deployment when my husband came home after fighting in Afganistan, 18 months later that baby is from pre Iraq, and my last was after a 12 month deployment from Iraq. and then comes oh well tell your husband thank you for hs sacrfice and you to dear...... Thanks I got friends that don't judge me for how many kids I have. And @ julie maybe before passng judgment on the mother who clearly needs a smile and probably a hug maybe a kind word but not snide remarks.


I have asked a mom of 7 if they were all hers, first thing she said was what did they do (in panicked mom mode) I laughed and told her they did nothing,I just wanted to compliment her on their good behavior and manners. Parents hands are full if you have 4 or 1 its not an insult.

zombi... zombiemommy916

I have three now and I LOVE when people ask "are you fixed?" Yes, like a dog :) On a positive note? When someone has said "You have to have more, you make beautiful kids"...kinda makes up for all the people WITHOUT tact :)

zombi... zombiemommy916

And coming from Midwestern Catholic family, the more kids, the Grandma always said "they are your only true legacy"...

adopted3 adopted3

I have only 3 myself but as the oldest of 11 I can tell you the comments only get ruder the higher you go.... My personal "favorite" is "Wow, is your mom a baby factory?" followed by "I guess that they don't believe in birth control, huh?"

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