My friend Jenny wrote a hysterical post last week on what candy conversation hearts should say once you've been married a while. Things like, "I BOUGHT ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES, DON’T WORRY THEY WERE ON SALE"; "SHH ... THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS IS ON"; and "NO, I WON’T PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH." You know, real life, none of that "hot stuff" crap.
Her post inspired me to come up with some conversation hearts for my own dear children this Valentine's Day. Lord knows, I've tried every way on Earth to get through to them, why not with candy?
1. LUV U MOST ... TODAY
2. PICK UP UR SHOES
3. BE MINE, SON (FOREVER AND EVER, DON'T ABANDON ME FOR A WIFE)
4. XO U SMELL, PLEASE SHOWER XO
5. JUST IGNORE HIM!
6. AFTER U EAT THIS, BRUSH UR TEETH!
7. WASH UR HANDS!
8. CAN U SPELL PRIVACY? LEARN 2.
9. B-CAUSE I SAID SO
10. I'M COUNTING TO 3
11. IN THE TOILET, PLS!
12. I DON'T CARE WHAT UR FRIENDS DO
13. ASK DADDY
14. DON'T MAKE ME NAG U
And, of course,
15. LUV U SOOOO MUCH.
Because I do.
And let's not forget about us! Here are nine candy hearts that would sweet-talk any mom.
What conversation hearts do your kids deserve?
Image via Scary Mommy