As far as kids are concerned, parents are just plain embarrassing. Even if your parents are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin! Check out the family dance they had on New Year's Eve. Naturally this party included Jay-Z and a live, screaming audience. But that didn't keep the dorkifying at bay. Oh no. Dork dancing was in full flow that night.
Buzzfeed is mocking Gwyneth for her "mom dancing" -- but have you noticed Chris Martin? Coldplay fans, does he always do that pogo-stick-less jump all over the stage? Is he having Fishbone fantasies? Once upon a time Chris was a cool rock star. But with his kids up there on stage with him, he's just another goofball dad gettin' all CRAYZEE to his kids' unrelenting humiliation.
I would describe Gwyneth's dancing style as the Tall White Girl Shuffle. You don't have to be a mom to do that dance. But maybe you do have to be a mom to do that dance while sipping from a flute of champagne. I'll say this, though. Gang signs look totes more authentic when they're flashed by a pale, flaxen-haired 40-year-old lady. KWIM? Oh lord, if it weren't for Jay-Z, you could easily mistake this for a Dan Zanes concert.
Gwyneth tries to get Moses to dance with her and you can kind of see him saying, "Excuse me, do I know you?" before he backs away. Apple gamely tries to ape her daddy's dance moves because she's such a good girl. But Moses is having none of this nonsense. Do you hear me? None of it.
Oh, I die, I die. But you know what? After I finished laughing, I had to cringe because I dance the dorky mom dance myself. We've had our own dumb little dance parties at home and I'm always like, "look at me, I'm the coolest mom in the BK!" And my son is always like, "Please stop dancing now." Can I dance better than Gwyneth? NO I CANNOT. Does my 9-year-old son hate it when I dance? OH HELL YES HE DOES. But I can't stop, won't stop dancing.
You know what, kids? Parents be dancing! We don't care if you like it.
Do your kids hate it when they see you dancing?
Image via Eason Jordan/YouTube