My 8-Year-Old Daughter Thinks I Look Like a Hooker When I Dress Up to Go Out

Say What!? 13
mom dressed up

I was getting ready to go out on New Year's Eve, a night I think we can all agree warrants a little more bling than the other 364 days of the year, when my 8-year-old daughter walked into my closet.

"Mommy, you look snazzy!"

"Snazzy, huh? That's a good word. I feel snazzy."

G-d, that kid is cute, I thought to myself, as I slipped on my snazzy stilettos.

"Yeah, Mom, you look like a hooker!"

Here's where you should insert the sound effect of a record being scratched to a halt, in the middle of a beautiful ballad.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You look like a hooker," she said again, sweet as candy.

Look, I know a teachable moment when I hear one, but I'm not gonna lie, there was a part of me dying to say, "Really, you think? I feel like sequins are totally acceptable, if not called for, on New Year's!" 

I refrained, and tackled the issue at hand, vowing to spend some time figuring out which inappropriate YouTube video, Disney XD show, or movie taught her that word.

"Honey, you can't use that word. One, it's inappropriate, and two, it's not a compliment ... unless your mom's a stripper, of course, but even then, I think 'hooker' may be derogatory." (OK, I didn't say the last part, but it's an interesting query for Ask.com)

"OK, sorry, Mom. I meant it in a good way."

"Well, if anyone can call me a hooker and get away with it, it's you, Sweetie."

She tried again.

"Mom, you look like a skinny Kardashian," she told me, using a line she got directly from The Neighbors.

That's it, first I find out which Kardashian, then I build that kid a bubble!

"Honey, you can't say that either because then you're implying that you could only be pretty when you're skinny." (Seriously, where is Oprah when you need her?)

"Fine, you look like any Kardashian. I think they're all pretty."

"Thank you, baby (I think)," I said, giving her a hug.

Then I walked over to my hubby, mostly to tell him the story, but also to ask, "Do I look like a hooker or a skinny Kardashian?"

"A little bit of both."

"Mission accomplished."


Image via Jenny Isenman

beauty, shoe porn, confessions, your kid asked what, quotes, internet, girls, new years, holidays, kardashians, mommy bloggers

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nonmember avatar Cassi

Literally laughed out loud reading this article! Kids are hilarious, thanks for sharing!

nonmember avatar Bernarda

This is EPIC! I glad you took it well.

Karma... KarmaGrant

I love kids and their honesty!

nonmember avatar kevobx

Love kids and their honesty, but what about the parents who lie to their own children. They call it protection from the truth. Do not lie about your age, it is a blessing! A birthright.

early... earlybird11

Hahah best thing I have ever read on here haha

nonmember avatar Anonymous

Is the term "hooker" becoming a compliment? I only ask because I noticed characters on TV throwing it around like it's a term of endearment (Lafayette on True Blood, Dalia on Suburgatory).

So then I went to UrbanDictionary.com:

"Slang,What you might call a close friend. used like the word buddy or pal. not the traditional definition. OR, a reference to girls or women that might, or might not be actual women for hire. What i always call my friend Bill X when i see him, and he responds in the same fashion.

Jack: Yo hooker ! whats going on ?
Bill: nothing much hooker what about you ?

CPN322 CPN322

Great laugh :) thanks for sharing.

nonmember avatar WeezaFish

Well I think you look lovely in your pic! Bless her, she was paying you a compliment. Just got her compliments a bit mixed up!

nonmember avatar GThomas

I told my kids last year I was going to get my nose pierced with some friends (we're U.S. expats living in India at the moment). I thought they would finally realize I was cool. Instead they freaked out. My daughter said I'd look like a "punk." As I was reeling from her saying the word "punk," my 7 year old son asked me if I was being pressured by my friends. I started stammering and saying, "What do you mean I'd look like a punk? I think it would be cool. And no I'm not being pressured. Uh, one of my friends did it and I think it looks great on her." My husband chimed in with his support. They just stared at me. Then my son said, "Well if we can't stop you, at least don't go first. Let someone else go first and you can watch to see if it will hurt too much or not." Totally felt like the tables had been turned on me! When did they become so...pragmatic? I went ahead and did it anyways though. So my "teachable moment" will mean I'm totally screwed when they become teenagers...

nonmember avatar Michelle

Love the backhanded compliment. My 7 year old daughter gave me. " I love your hair Mummy, it looks like you just came out of the jungle"

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