10 Most Inappropriate Things Your Kid Can Bring in for 'Show & Tell'

Hot List 13

tequila bottleYou know what I hate? Sharing. Not the actual act of sharing (okay, I guess I kind of hate that, too): Sharing Day -- aka Show & Tell -- in my son's second grade classroom. Which should actually be called Judging Parents Based on Whatever Random Material Possession Gets Thrown in Their Kid's Backpack That Morning.

That's right, don't be fooled into thinking you can send your child to school on Sharing Day with something obvious like a favorite stuffed animal or a souvenir from summer vacation. Pffft! NOBODY ELSE brings stuff like that, Mom. Don't you know anything?! Think more along the lines of family heirlooms or special memory-filled photo albums. A self-choreographed tap dance routine. A freshly-baked loaf of multigrain bread. Basically, anything that gets the following message across: "My parents are thoughtful, well-educated, eco-conscious, morally upstanding, self-sacrificing people who start preparing weeks in advance for every Sharing Day."

Well, guess what?

I'm a thoughtless, scattered, inferior, and inadequate parent because last week I forgot about Sharing Day until we were already in the car on the way to school and I tried to convince my kid a travel-size bottle of hand lotion from my purse would be super-fun to share! 

Look, if people are gonna talk about what a bad mommy you are, might as well give 'em what they want, right? Here are a few things I like to imagine my kid sharing in my darkest, most twisted Show & Tell fantasies -- or, as I like to call it, Show & Tell-it-like-it-is.

More from The Stir: 15 Cringeworthy Things Little Kids Say in Public

1. Empty tequila bottle. "I found this next to my mommy's bed this morning, isn't it pretty?"

2. Bong. "It's for blowing bubbles! I think."

3. Vibrator. "This is my magic wand."

4. Tampons. "Here's how my rocket launchers work. You take the plastic wrapper off ... "

5. Empty bottle of Valium. "My mommy takes lots of vitamins."

6. Dictionary. "Mommy says Sharing Day is [points to entry for 'banal']."

7. Porn. "Daddy has lots of these magazines in a box in the garage."

8. Parking tickets. "The police are really nice cause they leave us these notes all the time. We have so many they can't fit in the glove compartment anymore!"

9. Handcuffs. "I think the police left us these, too. Otherwise I don't know why Mommy and Daddy would have them in their room."

10. Over-the-counter paternity test. "Mommy said cause Jerry Springer never called back, we had to buy this at the store. But I'm not supposed to tell Daddy Jim. Or Daddy Larry."

What's the most inappropriate thing you've ever sent your kid to school with for Show & Tell?


Image via Justin Taylor/Flickr

elementary school, family

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Rhond... RhondaVeggie

My worst was a puzzle piece. In preschool they had letter of the week show and tell and anyone who has done that will tell you that K is torture. My son must have listed every possible item that begins with a hard C from cookies to cats to capers. I said "well you certainly can't bring a knife" which led to a discussion of silent letters; good luck convincing a four year old that there is a point to having a letter you don't hear but need to write. Finally the fates took pity on me and he came up with Kite. Just one issue; it was bedtime and we didn't own a kite. Luckily we did own an alphabet puzzle with a picture of a kite on it. Yes, I sent in the K piece from an ABC puzzle for letter of the week show and tell and yes, the teacher did give me The Look and a talking to.

Jespren Jespren

RhondaVeggie I got a bigger laugh from your reply than from the post! A kite puzzel peice is great. In this house it probably would have ended up being a Knight figure! Or a Kristonia statue.

corri... corrinacs

HAHA I have never had anything like that happen LOL.  But my son almost brought a GUN LOCK....NOT THE GUN.....to school.  I had to explain that was innappropirate.  The gun is safe and locked up....we just had an extra lock LOL

nonmember avatar Lenett Morgan W

We bought a Police car a long time ago & my son Calvin found a bullet in it & took it to school. I got a call so off I went to get the bullet. What a hoot. Like it was going to explode on school gronds.

rutha... ruthallen

we have finally gotten into the letter of the week swing, but for the first several Fridays my DD told all about whatever stuffed animal she had with her that day. In Preschool last year she told about her duck every Friday, I am not sure the teacher believed that I did remember most Fridays but there was no convincing her she needed something new to talk about. This week is "T" She is so excited to take in her Teeny Tinny Tea SeT tomorrow.

nonmember avatar Luna

"It's a cape! And a mask and a whip! My MOM IS A SUPERHERO!"

Rachell Spike

My daughter once brought in barbies with detached heads and said the dog murdered them (this was at her dads I didnt know until a week later)

Robert Allen

My grandpa's old KKK cap.  

Mary Cimino

My little brother brought Food Stamps (Back in the day when they were colored paper) and told everyone it was Mexican Pesos. 15 years later we joke about it and still laugh.

heydo... heydooney

I remember one kid brought in his baby brother (his mom brought him at show&tell time and then left afterward) and I was SO JEALOUS my mom never gave me a baby sister to show&tell.

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