Dad Fires Off Harsh Email to Kids Revealing His 'Bitter Disappointment'

Heartbreaking 30

computer screenWhen you become a parent, you open yourself up to the best and worst kind of heartbreak. Even if they are "perfect" children -- they all grow up and lead their own lives someday. Their pain is still your pain, and when they get older and have kids of their own, they sometimes understand you a lot better. And as for kids ... once they are in their 30s, getting a verbal spanking from dad probably isn't in the cards. But for one family, it was. It was more like a verbal spanking with a belt with spikes ... on fire.

Sixty-seven-year-old Nick Crews is a retired submarine captain who didn't mince words when he wrote an email to his three children. In it, he said: "It is obvious that none of you has the faintest notion of the bitter disappointment each of you has in your own way dished out to us." Ouch. It gets worse.

"We are seeing the miserable death throes of the fourth of your collective marriages at the same time we see the advent of a fifth," Crews continued. He sure is eloquent with his barbs (he's British) and he's clearly unhappy that his children have gotten divorced. But you know who really loves divorce? No one. Even for the people who really want to get divorced, the whole situation isn't a happy one. He goes on:

We are constantly regaled with chapter and verse of the happy, successful lives of the families of our friends and relatives and being asked of news of our own children and grandchildren. I wonder if you realise how we feel – we have nothing to say which reflects any credit on you or us.

Okay, Dad should stop worrying about what other people think and instead focus on some of the good that has to be going on in your kids' lives. Emily, 40, is Crew's oldest daughter. She's a mom of three -- the youngest is just 18 months old -- and married to a doctor. Her first marriage ended in divorced, but she's with Doc now and also works as a translator in France. Crew also has a 35-year-old son Fred who is divorced with one child. Fred has a job, is doing fine, but says his dad berated him all through his life, which doesn't do a lot for a person's confidence. Crew's 38-year-old daughter who is a mom of two didn't wish to be named. Both younger kids aren't on speaking terms with dad since the email was sent. But Emily still is even though she is upset. She said that her dad is right, they all have had failed marriages, but none of them are lazy or have asked him for money or have any drug problems or anything that he should feel that strong type of disappointment over. Check out this part of Daddy Dearest's letter"

The predictable result has been a decade of deep unhappiness over the fates of our grandchildren. If it wasn’t for them, Mum and I would not be too concerned, as each of you consciously, and with eyes wide open, crashes from one cock-up to the next. It makes us weak that so many of these events are copulation-driven, and then helplessly to see these lovely little people being woefully let down by you, their parents.

Copulation-driven. Wow. The fancy way of saying they are all whores. Come on, Dad. HARSH. I understand tough love, but this is renegade-style. Crews, though, is sticking with what he said. This is his response to the Daily Mail:

I really couldn’t have written it any better. I wouldn’t change a thing. I love all my children. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have written it, but if a father can’t tell his kids the truth, then who can? They have to learn to live in the beds they made for themselves. I’m a product of my age, upbringing and a profession which is uncompromising.

He ended the letter saying he was "bitterly, bitterly disappointment" and didn't want to hear from any of them again until they had a better plan for the future for their own kids. He also said they shouldn't burden their mother with any of their "miserable woes."

This whole thing just hurts my heart. Clearly Dad, no matter how much I want to hate on him, is hurting. He is worried for his kids and grandkids and this is how he expresses himself. But life is too short to send scathing emails like this to those you are supposed to love the most. An email isn't a good way to bring up something this hurtful because tone cannot be read and maybe talking it out would have led to a better resolution. Now there are hurt feelings and very hurtful words written.

I think Dad needs to focus more on the good in his family. The fact that he has a family and beautiful grandkids from all his children is a blessing. But family arguments like this often do not end well if no one is willing to break the silence and attempt to forgive, forget, and work toward happier times. I hope someone realizes that before it's too late.

What do you think of Dad's email? Too harsh or deserved?

Image via rahego/Flickr



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Flori... Floridamom96

Read the original article in the Daily Mail. It is far more enlightening than this blog. The children were constantly calling their mother with long tales of woe leading to rather overwhelming stress for the mother. Dad got fed up with his selfish children constantly dropping their burdens on their mother and just let loose. I just love how, once again, Cafe Mom provides a decidedly one sided story and then goes all judgemental on the person.

Andre... Andreamom001

It doesn't matter if his words are born of worry or concern or anxiety.  Intelectually his kids may understand where his criticism comes from.  It doesn't hurt any less.  It is cruel.  It will not do anything to improve the situation.  It is destructive rather than constructive.  Even if they have made mistakes (no one is perfect), they deserve love and support, not harsh cruelty and emotional abuse.  If a child fails, he or she needs love and support and encouragement, not criticism or salt rubbed in the wounds.  They know they messed up.  They don't need it hrshly emphasized by  parent.  Please parents, be the one in your kids' corner encouraging them, advising them, praying for them, cheering when they succeed nd comforting when they fail. 

If a child truly messes up and chooses crime or drugs, don't enable, but be ready to help them get straight again when they re ready.

flowe... flower_momma

Why is this news? Can I send in my douchey family emails and get a whole news article to myself? Um, what?

Char_... Char_gal4

As there is another side to the story, I can't really make a good judgment.  But considering what is before us now, I must say, those words CUT.

If I got such a lecture, I'd be curled in guilt and fear.  I hate disappointing others, especially my parents.  Granted, I have anxiety-based guilt issues too.

divam... divamomtjcj

wow harsh ! the kids are better off then half the world is

Nancy Sanders

Dear ole Dad has more than likely sat quietly listening to all the he said/she said between mom and the adult children....He has lied there at night and held his wife while she cried over the latest hurts her children are enduring....Dear ole Dad has more than likely had to explain more than once to each and everyone of his grandchildren that it is not their fault that MOM and DAD can't get along....he has probably wiped so many tears of those precious babies that he has had it plumb to the button on the top of his ball cap....I have seen my son's ex's create so much crap in his life, My son has no siblings to talk to, so I hear all his hurts, his anger, his frustrations, his confusion....My grandchildren think I can solve anything and I see and hear their hurts, their pain, their little hearts being jerked around...Bout time DAd told his kids off.


Mary Cimino

I applaud this guy for being honest, he spoke his mind. BUT he didn't have to be a douche about it. I know personally how much it sucks to be called mean things by a parent, I've been called a whore by my mother since I was 12! I know that's abuse and yes I did escape but I get some shitty letters and phone-calls from her to this day about how disappointed she is in me.

early... earlybird11

If he cant say it who can ? We dont kniw both sides of the story here but as a parent sounds like he was keeping a lot in and fired it all at once

Karla C. Mulrenan

Not harsh for me. I am glad I had a mother who was always honest with me and never sugar coated anything for me. If I was being a mean bitchy brat she'd tell me in my face and I am glad she was " harsh" at times because it taught me alot about myself specialy when I was being a bratty selfish bitch and I couldnt see pass my selfishness, my mom made it clear and put things into presective for me.

Bruic... Bruickson

Ok so I read the original article from the link and I can kind of see where the Dad is coming from. It sucks having to talk to someone who only calls to complain and is never positive. BUT isn't that a big part of a parent's job? To lend emotional support when your child is having a hard time. Now that I am an adult my Mom is my best friend. If I am upset she is one of the first people(other than my husband) that I turn to and vice versa. If it was putting too much stress on the mother in this story then something needed to be said. It could have been handled much better in my opinion.

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