Dad Fires Off Harsh Email to Kids Revealing His 'Bitter Disappointment'

Heartbreaking 30

computer screenWhen you become a parent, you open yourself up to the best and worst kind of heartbreak. Even if they are "perfect" children -- they all grow up and lead their own lives someday. Their pain is still your pain, and when they get older and have kids of their own, they sometimes understand you a lot better. And as for kids ... once they are in their 30s, getting a verbal spanking from dad probably isn't in the cards. But for one family, it was. It was more like a verbal spanking with a belt with spikes ... on fire.

Sixty-seven-year-old Nick Crews is a retired submarine captain who didn't mince words when he wrote an email to his three children. In it, he said: "It is obvious that none of you has the faintest notion of the bitter disappointment each of you has in your own way dished out to us." Ouch. It gets worse.

"We are seeing the miserable death throes of the fourth of your collective marriages at the same time we see the advent of a fifth," Crews continued. He sure is eloquent with his barbs (he's British) and he's clearly unhappy that his children have gotten divorced. But you know who really loves divorce? No one. Even for the people who really want to get divorced, the whole situation isn't a happy one. He goes on:

We are constantly regaled with chapter and verse of the happy, successful lives of the families of our friends and relatives and being asked of news of our own children and grandchildren. I wonder if you realise how we feel – we have nothing to say which reflects any credit on you or us.

Okay, Dad should stop worrying about what other people think and instead focus on some of the good that has to be going on in your kids' lives. Emily, 40, is Crew's oldest daughter. She's a mom of three -- the youngest is just 18 months old -- and married to a doctor. Her first marriage ended in divorced, but she's with Doc now and also works as a translator in France. Crew also has a 35-year-old son Fred who is divorced with one child. Fred has a job, is doing fine, but says his dad berated him all through his life, which doesn't do a lot for a person's confidence. Crew's 38-year-old daughter who is a mom of two didn't wish to be named. Both younger kids aren't on speaking terms with dad since the email was sent. But Emily still is even though she is upset. She said that her dad is right, they all have had failed marriages, but none of them are lazy or have asked him for money or have any drug problems or anything that he should feel that strong type of disappointment over. Check out this part of Daddy Dearest's letter"

The predictable result has been a decade of deep unhappiness over the fates of our grandchildren. If it wasn’t for them, Mum and I would not be too concerned, as each of you consciously, and with eyes wide open, crashes from one cock-up to the next. It makes us weak that so many of these events are copulation-driven, and then helplessly to see these lovely little people being woefully let down by you, their parents.

Copulation-driven. Wow. The fancy way of saying they are all whores. Come on, Dad. HARSH. I understand tough love, but this is renegade-style. Crews, though, is sticking with what he said. This is his response to the Daily Mail:

I really couldn’t have written it any better. I wouldn’t change a thing. I love all my children. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have written it, but if a father can’t tell his kids the truth, then who can? They have to learn to live in the beds they made for themselves. I’m a product of my age, upbringing and a profession which is uncompromising.

He ended the letter saying he was "bitterly, bitterly disappointment" and didn't want to hear from any of them again until they had a better plan for the future for their own kids. He also said they shouldn't burden their mother with any of their "miserable woes."

This whole thing just hurts my heart. Clearly Dad, no matter how much I want to hate on him, is hurting. He is worried for his kids and grandkids and this is how he expresses himself. But life is too short to send scathing emails like this to those you are supposed to love the most. An email isn't a good way to bring up something this hurtful because tone cannot be read and maybe talking it out would have led to a better resolution. Now there are hurt feelings and very hurtful words written.

I think Dad needs to focus more on the good in his family. The fact that he has a family and beautiful grandkids from all his children is a blessing. But family arguments like this often do not end well if no one is willing to break the silence and attempt to forgive, forget, and work toward happier times. I hope someone realizes that before it's too late.

What do you think of Dad's email? Too harsh or deserved?


Image via rahego/Flickr

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Forev... ForeverLawst

Seriously? Something about this smells of years of emotional abuse from dear ol' Dad. It seems to me that his kids are doing well enough in this imperfect world we live in. This is a great way to alienate the children and lose all contact with the grandchildren he "seems" so concerned about.


Glass houses and everything. *just rolls her eyes*

Bruic... Bruickson

I feel so lucky to have the parents I do. I think I'll call them now to let them know.

Pinkmani Pinkmani

Dad, the abuser? I think so. Dad, the bitter, angry father of three? I think so. 

SKDMo... SKDMom1020

And the dad wonders why his kids have failed relationships??

anoth... anotherhalf

None of us have any idea what the grandchildren have been through with these divorces and remarriages.  Dad does, and he has every right to speak his mind.  Of course the children can respond however they wish.  I think it is pathetic that this is news - it really should have remained private.

kelti... kelticmom

I hate to say it, but this sounds like something my own father would write. He already doesn't speak to two of my sisters because (gasp) they married men he didn't like. One because he had been previously married/divorced and is Assembly of God and not Baptist, and the other because he is Methodist and they don't believe in total submersion baptism. He hates my husband because he has tattoos, but will at least still have contact with us because he grew up in a Missionary Baptist church. He was a total control freak growing up, right down to not letting my three sisters and I not get our driver's licenses until we were out of the house bc he was scared we would be "immoral". Yet my one brother got his and his own car at 16. He is a bitter old man with three grandchildren he hasn't ever even met, and I see shades of him all over that letter. Poor kids.

4cadi... 4cadillac

Dad is an a**hole. Growing up in his house wuz *just peachy* I bet...

bills... billsfan1104

Who released the email to the press?

nonmember avatar Gretta

My thoughts exactly bills fan.

ashes... ashes2ashes831

Just saying we see what he wrote. And how do we know that what his kids are saying is true? They may be exactly the people they seem like nice caring parents who got the shaft end of the deal. OR they could've been cheating, manipulitive, drunks we DONT know. And yes he has a right at his age to be honest

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