President Obama Tells Girl With 2 Dads How to Deal With Homophobes

Inspiring 7

two dadsIn all the arguing over gay marriage there is one thing we sometimes overlook: A lot of these couples are parents, and their kids are paying attention. And it matters to them that their parents' marriage is recognized -- in all legal respects! Last week 10-year-old Sophia Bailey Klugh wrote President Obama a letter. She told the president she was glad he supports gay marriage because she has two dads. And she asked Obama this question:

I am so glad that you agree two men can love each other because I have two dads and they love each other, but at school kids think that it's gross and weird, but it really hurts my heart and feelings.... If you were me and you had two dads that loved each other and kids at school teased you about it, what would you do?

Obama wrote back, of course. His letter is gracious and supportive. And his advice? Pretty much what you'd want any thoughtful adult to tell Jamie, regardless of how they feel about gay marriage.

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for writing me such a thoughtful letter about your family. Reading it made me proud to be your president and even more hopeful about the future of our nation.

In America, no two families look the same. We celebrate this diversity. And we recognize that whether you have two dads or one mom what matters above all is the love we show one another. You are very fortunate to have two parents who care deeply for you. They are lucky to have such an exceptional daughter in you.

Our differences unite us. You and I are blessed to live in a country where we are born equal no matter what we look like on the outside, where we grow up, or who our parents are. A good rule is to treat others the way you hope they will treat you. Remind your friends at school about this rule if they say something that hurts your feelings.

Thanks again for taking the time to write me. I'm honored to have your support and inspired by your compassion. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to dinner, but I'll be sure to tell Sasha and Malia you say hello.

Sincerely, Barack Obama

First of all, I love the way he tells her he's proud to be her president, and honored to get her letter. That's just something any kid who bothers to write the president would love to hear. And of course, it's not lost to Obama that this is an opportunity for him to send a message to all kids, especially kids whose parents are in same-sex unions.

Our culture is slowly but surely experiencing a change of heart about what families can look like. We're opening our minds to other possibilities. And because you only live once (and I mean that in a non-YOLO kind of way), adults are taking a big chance and starting their own kinds of families. That means kids are going out there in the world and sometimes facing hostility to from people who are afraid of this change.

This isn't just about not stigmatizing the kids of gay couples. I think we need to go farther than that -- for Sophia's sake and for countless other kids' sake. We need to embrace and fully enfranchise these kids' parents.

But we can't change hearts through hate and conflict -- and that's an important lesson for kids. Treating her bullies the way she'd like to be treated, and telling them that their words hurt her, is definitely the harder path for Sophia. But it's also the higher path. And who knows, maybe her example of kindness and forgiveness will change some of those kids' minds. Sometimes confronting a bully and telling them exactly how their words and actions affect you can make a surprisingly big difference.

What did you think of Obama's response to Sophia's letter?


Image via krossbow/Flickr


bullies, family, barack obama, marriage equality


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

dirti... dirtiekittie

it was a thoughtful and beautiful response. i have to agree with Adriana on this one - regardless of where you stand on gay marriage, the message is about taking the high road and 'killing them with kindness" - that applies regardless of gender or sexuality.

nonmember avatar Megan

It awesome that her parents love her and do a great job of raising her. It's sad she has to learn an extra hard lesson about life from mean children and the fact that her family is different. Mostly though, I'm sorry that little girl will never know what it's like to have a mom.
As a daddy's girl myself, I still can't imagine not knowing what it's like to be held by a mother, to have a mother to talk to, or a mother to teach me things about women and their emotions. A mother to help me as I mother my own children. I have 3 daughters and even if they had two loving doting fathers, they would be sorely missing out without a mother.

Having a mom and a dad will always be best. Just because it doesn't always happen that way doesn't mean it should be minimized, or have other variations seen as 'equally best'. It's just not, but every situation should still make the best of their lives and I hope this girl finds comfort in the support from the prez.

PonyC... PonyChaser

It's very nice that he wrote to her, and the sentiments are lovely.

It's just too bad that he didn't have the same respect and compassion for the parents of soldiers that he sends into harms way... and then thanks them for their sons' ultimate sacrifice by sending a cut-and-paste, robo-signed letter.

Brandt Hardin

Obama is the first President brave enough to support the GLBT community’s access to basic civil rights.  The church and conservative hands paint a Blackface on him for defending this human-rights issue.  Religious doctrine and the bigotry which goes along with it have NO place in politics.  Read about how Obama and simple logic are being bamboozled at

bills... billsfan1104

Megan, that was nicely said. Obama wrote a nice letter. But the author calling little kids homophobes is no better than the kids that make fun of her.

jaznrich jaznrich

I'm confused, if the girl's name is Jamie, why is the letter addressed to Sophia? Did I miss something?

nonmember avatar Sharon

Jamie was the Huffington Post writer Sophia is the girls name.

1-7 of 7 comments