25 Common Momisms We Swear We'll Never Say (But Always Do)

Being a Mom 79

A A few weeks ago, the inevitable happened: I turned into my mother.

It happened at Nordstrom Rack where my daughter relentlessly begged for a t-shirt that I refused to buy. "Lily," I calmly said, "I refuse to pay 20 dollars for a shirt that has holes in it. If you want a shirt with holes, go home and rip one that you own."

And then it hit me. My mother had said the exact same thing to me 30 years before. I cried and cried for the acid wash jeans and the holey shirts and she refused. I swore that when I had kids someday, I would buy the trendy clothes for them unlike my mean mother and break this vicious cycle. So, of course, I bought Lily the damn shirt and rolled my eyes the whole time.

Seems I'm not the only one who says things I swore I wouldn't. I posed the question on my Facebook page, and here are my favorite replies. And, yes, I think I've said them all.

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1. Because I said so, that's why!

2. If you make that face for too long, it will stay like that.

3. Life isn't fair, get over it.

4. Go ask your Dad.

5. When I was your age ...

6. I'll give you something to cry about.

7. What part of NO don't you understand?

8. Go away!

9. I'm your mother, not your maid!

10. If you roll your eyes at me again, I'll smack them into next week.

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11. I brought you into this world, I will take you out!

12. Serves you right.

13. Get a grip!

14. I hope you have 10 kids just like you!

15. What's wrong with you???

16. You'll miss me when I'm gone one day, trust me.

17. If you want to act like a little shit, go lay in the yard.

18. You are driving me out of my damn mind.

19. I'm telling your father!

20. Don't make me pull this car over!

21. It's all mine until you're 18, deal with it.

22. I'm not asking you, I'm TELLING you.

23. I don't care what the other kids' parents said, I said no.

24. If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you??

25. I am NOT a referee in this house!

What do YOU say that you swore you never would?


Image via Scary Mommy

behavior, discipline, clothes

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BubbsJNL BubbsJNL

My mother used to tell me that if I didn't "shut up or I'm gonna rip your tongue out of your mouth and nail it to the wall."  She also used to tell us that if we didn't stop touching/poking/hitting each other, she was going to "rip our arms off and beat us with the bloody stumps."


Our kids are very familiar with all of these phrases from the round robins of grandma-isms that my sisters and brother and I go on about and we do occasionally use them on the grandkids in a "if you don't stop, I'm gonna do what Grandma says!!" and.......they giggle.  Not scared.  Not horriified.  They don't sweat us at all - but they do stop whatever they were doing!!

Samantha Ueno

6, 10, 15...abusive much? My mom used them on me and she was abusive...I will not be saying these to my children. 

MomLi... MomLily67

The much hated count down!!! my kid goes nuts if Ijust tell her "I'll start counting, 1,2...... "  .


"What ever is on the floor goes in the trash"


" I can see all, have eyes in the back of my head", although  I have given it a little twist and say there are secret cameras in the house.


And lat but not least, the terrifying " mom look"..........  still scares me..

Angel Webb

Oh my effing god, listen to all drama throwing around the word "abuse". What a bunch of morons. It's not abuse, it's just not what you approve of. I think its funny as heck and it's simple enough to say "turd" instead of shit. Please get your heads out of your asses and stop acting like your the last say on parenting. You just worry about your kids and let every one else worry about theirs. "Jesusfuckingchristonapogostick"

Bj TheEnigma Fish

I will put you out of my misery... I love my mom :)

nonmember avatar another guest

I thought #17 was funny. @Angel Webb, I totally agree with you. Some people will never understand that this is supposed to be a humorous blog. Keep up the good work, Jill! :-D

Nicole Bruno

I swore I would never lick my finger to clean my kids face and I totally have lol

Rita Curry

   HA! HA! HA! Thank God, mine are grown, & so are theirs. But theirs are having kids, so now they are doing all of that. Its just so funny, the stupid things we say to get them off our back.

Sandi Grund

wow at over half of those. I hope to try not to say any of them but then again my only child is just one and a half, so we'll see.

Steph... StephanieG31

I think that I have used them all except number 17 lol

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