It happens at every school: About a third of children are be bullied sometime during their school years. Whether they're the victim, the perpetrator, or a bystander, it's something almost all kids have to face. Do you and your child have a plan for how to deal with bullying?
It's been on my mind since reading The Great Brain with my son. In that story of three brothers growing up in rural Utah in the 1890s, you deal with bullies by learning to out-fight them. The end. That's not going to work here in the 21st century! Now we have to resolve those conflicts very differently. Find out what you need to know to protect your child and help create a safe school environment this year.
1. Get ahead of the game. Sometimes kids are reluctant to report bullying because they're embarrassed or confused or don't have the words to describe what's happening to them. Have a conversation with your child about what bullying is before the school year starts. Make sure they understand they will have your support if they feel threatened by another child at school -- and that this is not something they simply have to endure.
2. Find out your school's policy. What are your school's rules? Who do you report bullying behavior to? What is your school's history with dealing with bullies? Do they have an anti-bullying program?
3. Know your anti-bullying strategies. There are many ways to handle a bully. KidsHealth.com lists several: Build up your self esteem, stick with a buddy, ignore the bully wherever possible, use a loud, strong voice to tell the bully to stop, don't bully back, learn to control your emotions and not react, and tell an adult. (And if that adult doesn't do anything, find another, and another, until you find someone who will.) It helps if your child knows what to do BEFORE a bullying incident.
4. Introduce an anti-bullying program. If your school doesn't already have a program or even a plan for handling bullies suggest a few. Find other parents who feel it should be a priority to help you. Research shows that anti-bully programs can be effective, but some programs are better than others. Many are variations of the Olweus Program. Ask around through your own network of friends and family to see what programs and policies have worked well.
Many parents are watching the movie Bully and discussing it with their children. The website TheBullyProject.com has many resources for kids, parents, and schools.
5. Make sure your own kid doesn't bully. No parent wants to believe that their own child is capable of terrorizing another child. But kids have a way of surprising you -- sometimes in disappointing ways. When you talk about bullying with your child make sure they understand what actions are considered bullying, and that these actions are unacceptable, even if their friends are doing the same thing.
Have you talked with your children and school about bullying?
Image via wsilver/Flickr
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Comments 37
I haven't talked to them yet, but I plan on doing it. :)
I didn't talk with them about it, since they never brought it up or indicated that they had been.
I am dealing with bullying right now but buy the bus driver. Ugh...
I agree that bullying is bad. As a kid that came home from elementary school crying on many days, I know how rought it can be. But kids are going to be picked on no matter what. I think people need to stop being so dramatic and know the difference between teasing and bullying. If a child is physically being hurt or is feeling threatened then something needs to happen. If another kid occasionaly says something mean, then it's fine. It's what they do and they need to learn to deal with things like that or they will never make it as adults.
Your kid should not have to bring the subject up to talk about it. This is something that I believe should be talked about with all kids before they enter into school. Who knows your kid could be the victim or the bully and I think that it's a good idea to discuss the topic with them at a young age so it sets the standard for them. Why would you wait or even not talk to them? At least if you discuss the topic they will get a feeling for why not to be a bully or what to do if they are being bullied. I think if more parents took interest in their kids lives and talked with them and taught them things instead of t.v. teaching them; there would be less bullying problems. When I was younger sure there was bullying; but it has reached an all time high and I believe the parenting has a lot to do with it. Kids are products of their environments.