No Son of Mine Is Wearing a Dress to School

by Andrew Kardon August 14, 2012 at 12:36 PM

dresses Boys will be boys. Except when they act like girls, that is.

I'm not talking about seeing an icky spider and shrieking in terror like a 6-year-old girl. I'm talking about dressing the part. The recent NY Times article "What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?" takes a hard look at a seriously tough topic for parents and boys living in today's hetero/homo/metro sexual society.

The article discusses a number of examples of boys as young as 3 or 4 years old wanting to dress up like girls. Dresses, makeup, high heels, etc. Now, from the dawn of Prada time, little boys have wanted to dress up like their moms. Or at the very least, try on their shoes. Come on, it's like a walking roller coaster, how could they not want to?

Today's problem for parents, though, revolves around boys going way past just trying on mom's pumps. It's boys not wanting to be labeled as boys or girls, but just being themselves. They wear dresses and braid their hair with girls, but they also go play video games and superheroes with boys.

I have two sons. To the best of my knowledge, they have no desire to dress up like girls. They scream in horror when they see Dora on TV, and constantly tease me that I want to go play with Barbie dolls. But what if they wanted to start wearing dresses? What if they wanted to shatter the very idea of compartmentalizing genders? What if they just want to be "human" and dress and act like a girl, a boy, a kid?

I guess what I'm asking myself is: Would I let my boys wear dresses and makeup? I'm honestly not entirely sure what I would do in this situation. If they were playing around for dress-up, absolutely. But if they were talking about a whole lifestyle change and wanted to dress and act like a girl at school, then I honestly don't know.

I'd definitely be unhappy about it, but I'm also unhappy that I'm even thinking that way. I want my kids to live happy and healthy lives no matter what. If dressing like a girl, doing their nails, wearing necklaces, and playing with My Little Pony dolls make them happy, then I'd want them happy. But society overwhelmingly would look down upon that.

Life would be incredibly tough for my boys and they'd be the eternal subject of ridicule. Therein lies the dilemma. The only way to change society's overall view is to be accepting and embrace how brave my kids would be for daring to be different. But by doing so, they'd go through a ton of pain. No parent wants that for their kids.

At their age, I still think my kids are too young to really know what they want, so for now, I'd have to say no to wearing dresses to school. When they're older and a bit more mature, it's up to them. I don't even want to think about some of those parents who are getting their kids puberty-blocking hormones in anticipation of their kids doing a full-on gender switch.

Would you let your son regularly wear dresses?

Image via Leslie Duss/Flickr

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Andrew Kardon

is a freelance writer who's written about everything from the Muppets to online shopping. He's also a daddy blogger and the president of JoeShopping.com. Find him on Google.

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Comments 57

BeckyP.

August 20, 2012 at 4:49 PM

Brandy Wile; your comment is ignorant. End of story. Moving on, I am the mother of a 2.5 year old boy. He sees Mommy wear dresses and he sees Mommy put make up on. Kids that young idolize their mother and they want to be like them. I let my son wear my heels around the house, he "puts on make up" (which is just flavored chapstick) and he uses things that he calls his "purse". There is nothing wrong with these actions on ANY level. It doesn't mean he was meant to be a girl (though I do believe that people can be born "the wrong" gender). It doesn't mean he's going to be gay. He's a little boy who LOVES his Mommy. If he wanted to wear a dress like Mommy while playing dress up, there's nothing wrong with that. I want him to grow to be comfortable with WHO HE IS and I think that making those things "off limits" hinders growth in that sense. I'm pretty he won't be wearing make up and dresses when he's older and when he realizes what gender roles ARE. But if he does, I will support him any way I can. I'm his MOTHER. I made him, I carried him in my belly and felt him grow for nine months and I gave birth to him. I will support him no matter what. That's what good mothers do.

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Facebook comment from Billie Jo Evans

August 20, 2012 at 5:22 PM

I don't understand why parents think it's so wrong to allow their children to express themselves however they need to. My husband and I have 2 girls and plan to have another child. If he's a boy he will be allowed to express himself however the hell he wants to. If other people have a problem with it, THEY DON'T HAVE TO LOOK!

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momma_drebob

August 20, 2012 at 5:39 PM

My mom was convinced my brother was going to be gay when he was a little boy. He would dress up in a mixture of her and my clothes and ask my mom to put his hair in a pony tail. She indulged him because she didn't see anything wrong with a happy child. At some point he stopped dressing up and today would absolutely DIE if anyone knew he used to. He's not gay either, but I digress.

I see nothing wrong with boys wearing dresses or girls wearing pants. They're kids! Let them be happy and express themselves before they get too old for society to stop thinking it's cute! They don't understand the claustrophobic rules of society yet. And it's too bad that if they grow up still wanting to wear whatever they want despite gender *gasp!* people will be cruel and judgemental. It's silly. To most, a man wearing a dress is just as bad as a man abusing a child. It's a freakin' DRESS!!!

I have a three year old son. He has no interest in wearing dresses or playing with Barbies. He only asks for pants as far as clothes. His favorite toys are cars, but he loves puppies and kitties too. There is no way to know his sexuality yet, and frankly if there is, I don't care. He could act "manly" and still be gay. Or straight. Or blue with polka dots. I don't care! All that matters is that he is happy and healthy and loved. Children aren't born with hate. They learn it.

toddler boy

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Nonmember comment from brithug

August 20, 2012 at 5:42 PM

I think at such a young age it would be incredibly difficult giving my kid the okay to wear girls clothing- that bring said i feel for those parents who are struggling with this- i cannot imagine having a gender confused child, that is certainly not something learned, when a two year old refuses "act" their gender it's obviously something they were born believing., and whether we think transgender is ok or not, it would be hard to see you're child so unhappy on a daily basis because they cannot express themselves. Sad.

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Nonmember comment from Open

August 22, 2012 at 12:01 PM

Let's just think for a second. Do men look good in dresses? No. There are a lot of women who can't make them look good either. The idea of wearing dresses, just ONE particular type of female clothing, is not really what we are talking about. IMHO, dresses look stupid on men and boys. However, I know a man who wears mostly women's clothes. Now before you picture a man in a dress and blue eyeshadow, STOP. He doesn't dress like a woman. But he is tall and lanky and has long hair and a feminine kind of elegance about him. The fit of women's tops and pants really do look great on him. He has a natural of sense of what looks right on him and I actually admire his fashion talent. I would never use the term "cross dresser" to describe him though. He is simply being who he is. I think if you want to discourage your son from wearing a dress, do it because dresses just look ridiculous on boys, but NOT because you are afraid of society judging him. In the future, I am sure we will see more guys like the man I described, and that will hopefully provide a better example of how to wear feminine cuts without looking silly.

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Nonmember comment from James

August 22, 2012 at 1:26 PM

I remember since back when I was 4 or 5 asking to wear dresses "like my mom", though she never let me. But for me, I never grew out of wanting to dress up like a girl and did anyway in secret. Even today, I love to wear skirts and dresses now and then, and I love feeling my feminine side at times. It's just always been a part of who I am. At the same time, I'm not in the least bit gay or outwardly effeminate, and have never had any interest in guys. I was otherwise a normal boy, loved playing with cars and getting dirty and playing sports. And I'm still into cars and sports today, and am perfectly happy being a guy. But it would have made me a much happier and relaxed kid if my mom would have just let feel like myself - playing in the mud with trucks one day, wearing a dress and doing my hair another. Angrily chastising and repressing a boy who's like that won't do anything but cause mental issues later on - it doesn't change who they already are inside. At the same time, leave it an at-home thing, and DON'T let your boy go to school dressed up, or let his friends know, or, if its anything like my schools, he'll be mercilessly beaten and taunted as gay for life. Not spoken from personal experience, thankfully, but I've seen it happen.

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