Boys will be boys. Except when they act like girls, that is.
I'm not talking about seeing an icky spider and shrieking in terror like a 6-year-old girl. I'm talking about dressing the part. The recent NY Times article "What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?" takes a hard look at a seriously tough topic for parents and boys living in today's hetero/homo/metro sexual society.
The article discusses a number of examples of boys as young as 3 or 4 years old wanting to dress up like girls. Dresses, makeup, high heels, etc. Now, from the dawn of Prada time, little boys have wanted to dress up like their moms. Or at the very least, try on their shoes. Come on, it's like a walking roller coaster, how could they not want to?
Today's problem for parents, though, revolves around boys going way past just trying on mom's pumps. It's boys not wanting to be labeled as boys or girls, but just being themselves. They wear dresses and braid their hair with girls, but they also go play video games and superheroes with boys.
I have two sons. To the best of my knowledge, they have no desire to dress up like girls. They scream in horror when they see Dora on TV, and constantly tease me that I want to go play with Barbie dolls. But what if they wanted to start wearing dresses? What if they wanted to shatter the very idea of compartmentalizing genders? What if they just want to be "human" and dress and act like a girl, a boy, a kid?
I guess what I'm asking myself is: Would I let my boys wear dresses and makeup? I'm honestly not entirely sure what I would do in this situation. If they were playing around for dress-up, absolutely. But if they were talking about a whole lifestyle change and wanted to dress and act like a girl at school, then I honestly don't know.
I'd definitely be unhappy about it, but I'm also unhappy that I'm even thinking that way. I want my kids to live happy and healthy lives no matter what. If dressing like a girl, doing their nails, wearing necklaces, and playing with My Little Pony dolls make them happy, then I'd want them happy. But society overwhelmingly would look down upon that.
Life would be incredibly tough for my boys and they'd be the eternal subject of ridicule. Therein lies the dilemma. The only way to change society's overall view is to be accepting and embrace how brave my kids would be for daring to be different. But by doing so, they'd go through a ton of pain. No parent wants that for their kids.
At their age, I still think my kids are too young to really know what they want, so for now, I'd have to say no to wearing dresses to school. When they're older and a bit more mature, it's up to them. I don't even want to think about some of those parents who are getting their kids puberty-blocking hormones in anticipation of their kids doing a full-on gender switch.
Would you let your son regularly wear dresses?
Image via Leslie Duss/Flickr
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Comments 57
I had a student several years ago who was 4 years old and loved to wear dresses. He was adamant about it. His parents were in the midst of a contentious divorce and his mother allowed him to wear the dresses and his father did not. He knew he was a boy but loved to wear dresses. In a situation like that, I believe his father's disapproval only exacerbated the situation and lead to a disconnect between the child and his father. I would indulge the child's curiousity at home in a safe situation and hope that he would outgrow it. I also had an uncle who was trangendered who described that she had felt like a woman for a very long time, I don't think you can tell someone what his or her gender is when they feel another way. That being said, kids are curious and a little dress up never hurt anyone.
It can be a very touchy subject for many parents. I have a niece who was all pink and bows and flowers and barbies as a littel girl, in her teen years she was an extraordinary athlete, and now is the most masculine young woman I know. Her parents just took it as it came, no fuss. Still their child and is a successful person.
My questions for all the parents who would not allow a boy to wear dresses is this: Wouldn't disallowing it make it more of an issue? Wouldn't a child who is adamantly told no be more likely to rebel early and often? What makes a boy a boy and a girl a girl? Would you then not allow your boy to play toys that are traditionally a girl's?
To school, no. That's not something I will allow until they are old enough to weigh the pros&cons of that decision, like high school.
Until then, they feel free to do what they want at home
Yes, yes I would.
Doesn't matter if I like it, agree with it, anything. It is what they want, it hurts no one else, then that is the end of it. Now I would sit down and make sure they understand what can happen and what they need to be prepared for. I would also let any school know, teachers and such what was going on so they are not blind sided and can prepare.
I will not make my child be what they are not just to make life easier.
No, I wouldn't. I think school is hard enough and to allow your child to be put in a situation where they will most likely be teased and bullied is just crazy. Kids want to do a lot of things that aren't healthy or safe for them and as their parents, it is up to us to set boundaries. Children don't have the abilities to see what the consequences of their actions are but as adults we do.
i do not think it is appropriate for the role switch if my sons where suppose to be girls GOD would have made it so i can not understand all of this because i know GOD doesnt make mistakes so why would he make a boy if he was suppose to be a girl
Jennifer, great logic. People need functioning hearts in order to survive. Why would GOD create someone with a heart defect if GOD wanted that person to survive. GOD doesn't make mistakes. *eyeroll*
I have a son who has his ears pierced, likes his pedis, wants to do people's hair and makeup, and carries a doll to the grocery store. These are non-issues. If he wanted to wear a dress in public, I would probably discourage it gently. If he was very adamant, and was willing to put up with the backlash, there would be backlash, I don't really know what I would do. I would probably let him be who he is.