Family friends are awesome. The dads hang out with the dads. Moms chat it up with other moms. And the kids all get along beautifully, laughing and playing until the sun slips low beneath the horizon. It's truly amazing how wonderfully everyone always gets along.
Yeah, believe that and I have a bridge or two to sell ya. Real cheap!
Finding the perfect family to complement your own can be 20 times tougher than potty training ever was. It generally starts with the moms getting along and the family get-together soon follows. Dads are fairly easy going -- as long as sports or beer is involved. But the kids. Oh, the kids.
Think about it. How many really good friends do you love hanging out with, but ... well, your kids just don't get along too well? Have you ever bribed your kid to go on a play date with another kid, just so you could hang out with the other mom?
More from The Stir: If Your Kid Is In My House, I'll Discipline Him My Way
I know it's tough being a mom out there. Finding someone to understand what you're going through and be a solid friend to lean on, get advice, and just all-around chat with is invaluable. But when your kids don't get along with theirs, it can cause a lot of friction. It's even worse when their kid is abusive to or a bad influence on your own, and the other mom is oblivious.
So what do you do when your good friend has a kid that sucks big time? You can avoid play dates and family get-togethers and just keep talking with the friend and hanging out sans kids. But after a while, that gets a bit awkward. There are only so many excuses you can make for not getting the kids together before it looks really suspicious.
You can straight up confront your friend that you love their friendship but wish the kids could get along better. Yeah. That wouldn't strain that relationship at all. Nope. Not one bit.
Which means you're left with two choices. Either let the friendship fizzle, or just suck it up and accept that you'll have a friend at your child's expense. As a dad, it's easy for me to say that my own kid's happiness should be most important, and if he's miserable just so you can have someone to talk to, it's not worth it. But like I said, I'm a dad. I'm fine sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand and an Xbox controller in the other.
For moms, it's a lot tougher. Every situation is different and it all comes down to balance. How good a friend is this? How bad an influence is the other kid? How completely miserable is your own kid?
If it's not too bad for your own child, then it's probably worth continuing the friendship, if it's a good one for you. After all, as we get older, we all need to deal with people we don't get along with, or even out-and-out hate. So you're teaching your kids a valuable life lesson by putting them in uncomfortable situations early on. It's either that, or you other people need to stop raising sucky kids.
Have you lost any friends because your kids don't get along?
Image via Mindaugas Danys/Flickr
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Comments 25
I Have a friend with two daughters, that well come and play with my son and daughter! They well comeTo my house...her kids well get into EVERYTHING! And In A Quiet voice she'll say stop ...but like she wasnt trying to get them in trouble...Like Raise Your Voice A Little More OMG...It was annoying
Anytime this situation has presented itself in the past, I've waited it out to get to a more comfortable place in our friendship. Once that sparks, when they are at my house my rules apply. I haven't resisted telling a kid not to talk to their parents that way, putting them in time out for not listening, scolding for not sharing etc. And it's always the same thing "Hey, in my house you need to......" And like clock work you suddenly see the parent doing the same thing, and before you know it you no longer need to step in. Now if the kid is a bad influence on my girls, well my kids conveniently always have plans when I hang out with that friend.
I "had" a friend whose kid I liked but the mom always YELLED at her daughter. It was never "lauren, come here" always "LAUREN COME HERE!" We were suppose to go to Six Flags together with the girls but I chickened out and told a white lie as to why we couldn't go. Truth is, I didn't want to hear her yelling a ther kid for 12 hours for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Now she "unfriended" me on FB and hasn't talked to me since. Oh well. I don't miss her obnoxiousness!
If a friends child is at my house and the parents don't discipline her/ him,I will say something to the child.Example "No one is allowed to hit each other in my house"or "We throw balls outside only.If I see it thrown again,I will take it away" or "that language in our house is unacceptable".If its your house you have the right to speak up.If you are at your friends house and you see your child getting bullied,I would say something to your friend.If she doesn't care or is oblivious OR despite her best efforts she can't control her kid,you have the right to get up and leave.
My house, my rules and I WILL say something if you won't. When my daughter comes over to see you, your house, your rules and if my daughter is not abiding by them, we will leave. I don't really understand when people started losing respect for other people's houses. My mom, who was no prize, would have beat my ass if I disrespected somebody in their house. Really, that's what it boils down to, is lack of discipline. People are so afraid they might hurt their precious child's self-esteem that they won't even tell the kid no! My daughter has boundaries and knows the rules. She also knows that if she over-steps that boundary or breaks the rules, there WILL be consequences. As a matter of fact, we have found the absolute best way to discipline her is to take away her TV and electronics time. Now, I understand that some people's kids have developmental delays or other isses, that's not what I'm talking about. As far as I know, we don't have any kids with those issues in our circle so it hasn't been an issue for us.
I have a "friend" whom NO ONE likes her kids. She is divorced and so apparently doesn't believe in actual discipline because then she can't be their friend. NO kid likes her sons, they are selfish and hate sharing, they are whiny, rude MONSTERS and she only talks to them in a sing songy friendly voice.
I only took one meeting with her and her kids to never invite her over again. My kids hated them, I hated them, and we've learned to only do things with her ont he weekends she DOESN'T have her kids!
She's a good person, but a HORRIBLE mother!