10 Toys to Give Children Whose Parents You Hate

Being a Mom 94

kids toysMy kids came home from camp last week with Ziploc bags full of "Goo." That's right, the very camp that I have given up all summer luxuries in order to be able to send my kids to sent them home with a mysterious substance promising nothing but mess and headaches.

I mean, seriously, couldn't they keep that shit at camp where it belongs? It's the equivalent of giving a preschooler a drum-set as a birthday present. You just don't do it. Period. What else don't I want other people giving my children? Read on.

1. Play Doh. My kids love making spaghetti and snowmen and ice cream out of it. I don't so much share their enthusiasm as I scrub it out of carpets and seat cushions for weeks after. 

2. Musical instruments. Unless it's a silent instrument, keep it at your own house, please.

3. Slime. A relative of goo, but even more messy. If that's possible.

More from The Stir: 5 Weirest Things We've Seen Kids Do With Toys

4. Legos. There is no pain like that of stepping down, full weight, on a Lego at 4 o'clock in the morning. It's enough for me to outlaw them entirely from the house.

5. Microphones. As if my kids aren't loud enough, without the aid of an instrument.

6. Anything that requires assembly. Unless, of course, you plan on doing the assembly.

7. Toy guns. I tried really hard for years to keep guns away from my boys until I caved with a water gun. Shortly after, a neighbor gave my son a gigantic Nerf gun and life was never the same. Do what you want in your own house, but keep guns away from my kids, thank you very much.

8. Anything involving food. Easy-Bake Ovens aren't that easy and always result in me having to make a real batch of brownies (that aren't baked by light bulb).

9. Puzzles with a million pieces. Because little puzzle pieces seem to mate with socks and disappear in record speed.

10. Anything you wouldn't want your own kid playing with. Of course.

Did I miss anything?


Image via Scary Mommy

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Kaymad41 Kaymad41

I always thought my sister-in-law secretly hated me because of the gifts she got my children. The worst was the electronic keyboard that had two volume levels; loud and louder. Somehow it 'accidentally got left out in the rain. Oops.

Haley Maya Unger

Finger paints, nail polish, markers etc that are not easily washable out of carpet and walls.


Rebec... Rebecca7708

It's funny how different two people can be. Half of your list is made up of things I actively encourage friends and family to buy for my children! I love Legos and Play Doh and puzzles and anything that has to be assembled! Yes, clean up can be a b!7@h but, I don't mind as long as it's something that forces my kids to use their imaginations and think. Well worth the effort!

Todd Vrancic

So what can people give your kids?

nonmember avatar Nancy P

Moon Dough. So much worse than Play Doh. It doesn't dry out. Ever. Making cleaning it up virtually impossible. It just sort of mushes into everything.

Jennifer Zander Wilck

The Bumbleball. Scares dogs too, which is awesome when you have a toddler running one way and a dog running the opposite direction, both causing equal amounts of chaos/destruction.

Donna Decker Hefner

I seriously don't understand why parents cringe over Play-Doh. My daughter still loves it & she's almost 10. I have never had a problem with it being tracked in the house. She plays with it in the kitchen & that is where it stays so it's easy cleanup. I think if parents would supervise their kids better when playing with it there'd be a lot less complaints. Don't walk away from them & use it as a babysitter people! It is so good for them as it builds up the muscles etc in their hands & really pays off when they start writing their letters & numbers etc.

nonmember avatar flamy

Anything with a siren drives me bananas. I also don't understand why any of these toys need to be SO loud. There's no excuse for it......kids hear even better than we do - they can handle it being quieter!

the4m... the4mutts

The only BANNED gift in my house is Moon dough. I hate that shit! If anyone gives it to us, I immediately re-gift to a friend who loves the stuff for her kids.

Fuck moon dough. Worst. Toy. Ever.

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