10 Toys to Give Children Whose Parents You Hate

kids toysMy kids came home from camp last week with Ziploc bags full of "Goo." That's right, the very camp that I have given up all summer luxuries in order to be able to send my kids to sent them home with a mysterious substance promising nothing but mess and headaches.

I mean, seriously, couldn't they keep that shit at camp where it belongs? It's the equivalent of giving a preschooler a drum-set as a birthday present. You just don't do it. Period. What else don't I want other people giving my children? Read on.


1. Play Doh. My kids love making spaghetti and snowmen and ice cream out of it. I don't so much share their enthusiasm as I scrub it out of carpets and seat cushions for weeks after. 

2. Musical instruments. Unless it's a silent instrument, keep it at your own house, please.

3. Slime. A relative of goo, but even more messy. If that's possible.

More from The Stir: 5 Weirest Things We've Seen Kids Do With Toys

4. Legos. There is no pain like that of stepping down, full weight, on a Lego at 4 o'clock in the morning. It's enough for me to outlaw them entirely from the house.

5. Microphones. As if my kids aren't loud enough, without the aid of an instrument.

6. Anything that requires assembly. Unless, of course, you plan on doing the assembly.

7. Toy guns. I tried really hard for years to keep guns away from my boys until I caved with a water gun. Shortly after, a neighbor gave my son a gigantic Nerf gun and life was never the same. Do what you want in your own house, but keep guns away from my kids, thank you very much.

8. Anything involving food. Easy-Bake Ovens aren't that easy and always result in me having to make a real batch of brownies (that aren't baked by light bulb).

9. Puzzles with a million pieces. Because little puzzle pieces seem to mate with socks and disappear in record speed.

10. Anything you wouldn't want your own kid playing with. Of course.

Did I miss anything?


Image via Scary Mommy

Read More >