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Educational Games Don't Teach Kids Anything If They Can't Lose!

by Jeanne Sager on July 14, 2012 at 9:00 AM

Mya and MomsI can't be the only mom who watches every episode of Mya and Her Moms with a big ol' grin on my face. Yup, the two lesbians moms raise their little girl just like the rest of us. And just like the rest of us, there is one great debate in their house. Do you let the kid win at games or not?

Eight-year-old Mya has it both ways, depending on which parent she's with. One mom plays games that are all about education ... and there is no winner or loser. The other mom lets her let out her competitive spirit.

So what happens in our house? I am putting it out on the Internet now, fully aware that one day she will Google herself and find the evidence to use against me in therapy.

We are a competitive board-game playing household. No happy, happy, everyone wins games in this house!

There is nothing like a night of Sorry and Uno (excuse me, Yankees Uno!) to make us feel like a family. It's a hold-over from the newlywed years when my husband and I were young and broke, and the a Trivial Pursuit marathon was good, clean -- and most importantly cheap -- fun. And I will let it be known that both my husband and I win these games. Often.

Not all the time. And only fair and square. We don't cheat for the glory of making our 7-year-old look bad. But we are trying, trying, trying to use game-play as much to raise a kid who isn't a self-centered brat as we are to pass the time on a Friday night.

Did I mention we're trying?

It's not easy. She has been known to flip a board game. Somehow she picked up the habit of calling people "liar" when she disagrees with them, and we've been on the end of the verbal assault more than once.

Because, ahem, she's 7. And she is still learning. So I guess I agree with both Lisa and Laura after all -- we play games competitively ... and they're educational.

What about you? How does game play go down in your house?

 

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Comments

12
  • PonyC...
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    PonyChaser

    July 14, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    I don't think I've come across a "no winner" game. Maybe it's because I haven't looked. Why? Because even when you have winners and losers, you are playing an "educational" game - you (well, *I*) am teaching how to win with grace, and how to lose with class. We don't allow nasty trash-talking, and the winner is expected to say something like, "Nice game" at the end. The loser is likewise expected to be gracious, "I'll getcha next time!"

    It's an important skill in life - I do NOT understand the whole "everybody wins!" mentality.


  • Rhond...
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    RhondaVeggie

    July 14, 2012 at 9:48 AM
    We are a competitive household too. The other day we went bowling and we were next to an everybody wins kinda family. It was hysterical and the mom was so obviously judging me. At one point I managed a really lousy go, one single pin, and my son was all "haha, you so totally suck at bowling" and I was all "and yet I'm 12 points ahead so what does that say about your bowling skills?" The other mom kept telling her kids not to even look at the scoreboard because it doesn't matter what the score is. Her kids all got the same "wow, great job!" type response whether they got a strike or managed a lousy score of one. How is that ever going to encourage them to do better? My son is always trying to do better because he knows if he wins he gets to gloat at me and do the happy dance. What kid doesn't like to feel superior to their parents once in a while?
  • Yuri
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Yuri

    July 14, 2012 at 10:00 AM
    I definitely agree that the competitive spirit encourages the child to work harder but if he/shewinning and then rubbing it in the losers face or even taunting it crosses the line to bullying. They will grow up to be arrogant little pricks thinking they are superior to anyone like those lil brats that bullied the school bus aide.
  • the4m...
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    the4mutts

    July 14, 2012 at 10:26 AM
    We're a competitive house, but only for the kids over age 5. Until then, I just use the educational ones.
    But we have a MAJOR problem with games of any kind: my 8yr old son. He is a good loser, and good winner... when you can get him to play correctly.
    He loves to take over his sister's turns, and worse? He loves to "invent" rules. He's a cheater at games, hardcore cheater.
    I cannot figure out for the life of me, how this sweet, kind, honest, lovely boy became a cheater at games. Drives us nuts!
  • the4m...
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    the4mutts

    July 14, 2012 at 10:29 AM
    Oh, and he'll argue that we're wrong, even if the rules are written on the box. Makes games miserable for everyone. And I don't know how to make him stop.
  • PonyC...
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    PonyChaser

    July 14, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    Mutts... when mine does that (same thing, he's also 8), the game stops dead. Don't care how much everyone else wants to play, if he's cheating, we stop the game. It stopped HIM in his tracks. Maybe it'll work for yours?

    And when he argues, I won't engage him. I'll just say, "Ok. You win. Are you glad you won the argument?" and walk away, even if I'm right and he's wrong. He's looking for the argument, not the principle of the issue. If he wants to be right, he can debate me... and we're working on him learning the difference - one being a respectful exchange of ideas, and the other being confrontational with the goal simply "to win".


  • the4m...
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    the4mutts

    July 14, 2012 at 1:09 PM
    Yah I don't engage in an argument with him, at least not over this lol. But I've never made the entire game stop. I HAVE had him sit out while the rest of us played, but that didn't work. He pouted for 5 minutes, then found something else to do.
    I'll try stopping the whole game and letting his siblings be mad at him for it next time.
    It doesn't usually phase him even when his 5yr old sister tells him, "No, I'm not playing with you, because you cheat and take my turns!"
    But I'm willing to give any new method a chance!
    He's such a great kid with everything else... drives me bonkers!
  • Jespren
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    Jespren

    July 14, 2012 at 1:11 PM
    My kids are a bit young for board games still (although we're about to break out the Candyland or Shutes and Ladders), but my family growing up was definately competitive. And you know what? I was pretty darn young when I figured out a winning strategy for Monopoly and started winning against my parents often enough that losing wasn't a forgone conclusion. Only a few years later when I became the unbeaten, uncontested champ at Clue. I think the important part is to vary the thinking games with chance games and the adult friendly games with kid friendly ones, that way the same person doesn't *always* win.
  • PonyC...
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    PonyChaser

    July 14, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    Mutts... when this kinda stuff happens, I take myself out to a large gathering of kids his age. And then I realize that he's absolutely normal, and this, too, shall pass!!


  • suziejax
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    suziejax

    July 14, 2012 at 10:47 PM

    kids should learn to loose or win! its healthy for them


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