Hey, everybody! Get ready for another round of Batsh*t Crazy Things Batsh*t Crazy Politicians Say! Cause boy oh boy, do I ever have a good one for you. Earlier this week, Republican New Hampshire state legislator Bob Kingsbury told a convention that kindergarten leads to higher crime rates. Yes. He. Did. And just in case your rational mind is rejecting the possibility of what you just read actually happening? Second verse, same as the first: Kindergarten leads to higher crime rates!
But this is an absurd notion, you must be thinking. Well, that's merely because unlike Kingsbury, you have not conducted 16 years of exhaustive research on the topic. Indeed, Kingsbury's in-depth analysis of "local crime rates in communities that offered kindergarten versus those that do not offer the educational program" showed that sometimes, kids who go to kindergarten end up in jail. Or something. Because, as Kingsbury says, "We're taking children away from their mothers too soon."
(Did I mention this guy also links higher crime to the "lack of boxing classes" in high schools?)
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Anyway, clearly Kingsbury is on to something here. Clearly our attempts to educate and socialize young children in a safe and nurturing environment is breeding a generation of thieves and murderers.
Here are 5 Ways Kindergarten Turns Kids Into Criminals:
1. Show and Tell turns kids into shoplifters. Thou shalt not covet their neighbor's Legos. What better way to make kids materialistic and greedy than by dangling other kids' shiny new toys in front of their little faces?
2. Naptime turns kids into lazy bums. Sleeping in the middle of the day! On mats, no less!
3. Fingerpainting turns kids into graffiti artists. Smearing colors together with abandon, using their bare hands! Whatever happened to staying inside the lines?!
4. Snacktime turns kids into addicts. So sad. Doomed to spend the rest of their lives chasing that next graham cracker fix.
5. Storytime turns kids into violent offenders. Consider the savage behavior in such "classic" tales as "The Three Little Pigs." Listen up guys, here's how to break into somebody's house!
See what I mean? Now go and pull your kid out of kindergarten before you're visiting the hooligan in juvie!
Do you find Bob Kingsbury's statement about kindergarten turning kids into criminals funny, scary, or both?
Image via Dimitris Siskoupoulos/Flickr
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Comments 41
Starting school early for some is a really good thing especially for the kids who's parents don't teach them anything because you learn more the first five your life
what ever happend to tellin your kids OKAY THIS IS JUSY A STORY. I am sure i went to preschool for TWO years and then kidergarten and i turned out HALF as better as the kids that never did.
I think I would rather read the source, this is a very very opinion based article, I don't mind a slight slant so i know where you the writer stands on something but just ranting about how ridiculous something is does not help me understand the actual information that was produced. Sorry
@Ellen - Your logic is half-assed. If "Kindergarten" is the "first grade of 10 years ago," by that standard if these children do NOT attend kindergarten, aren't they going into 1st grade behind already because they've missed out on the educational opportunities afforded by going to kindergarten in the first place? Therefore, NOT going to kindergarten would be more harmful.
/logic.
Show and tell= gave us an excuse to bring that favorite teddy bear to school
Naptime= reenergized our exhausted brains so we wouldn't become overwhelmed or disrupt class with temper tantrums.
Finger painting= let us explore our artisticic side and have something to be proud of when mom and dad hung it in the dining room to show off
Snack time= at my school it was healthy snacks only, so supplemented our nutrition and gave us calories to burn for more energy to learn
Story time= built our love of literature to help motivate us to read. The specific story "three little pigs" teaches a valuable lesson about not being lazy. You through together a cheaply made, poor quality home to save time so you can play, it is going to fall down. If you spend the extra time and energy to create something good quality it will last forever. And if you try to break into someone's house you get made into a pie.