5 Ways Kindergarten Turns Kids Into Criminals

scary kidHey, everybody! Get ready for another round of Batsh*t Crazy Things Batsh*t Crazy Politicians Say! Cause boy oh boy, do I ever have a good one for you. Earlier this week, Republican New Hampshire state legislator Bob Kingsbury told a convention that kindergarten leads to higher crime rates. Yes. He. Did. And just in case your rational mind is rejecting the possibility of what you just read actually happening? Second verse, same as the first: Kindergarten leads to higher crime rates!

But this is an absurd notion, you must be thinking. Well, that's merely because unlike Kingsbury, you have not conducted 16 years of exhaustive research on the topic. Indeed, Kingsbury's in-depth analysis of "local crime rates in communities that offered kindergarten versus those that do not offer the educational program" showed that sometimes, kids who go to kindergarten end up in jail. Or something. Because, as Kingsbury says, "We're taking children away from their mothers too soon."

(Did I mention this guy also links higher crime to the "lack of boxing classes" in high schools?)

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Anyway, clearly Kingsbury is on to something here. Clearly our attempts to educate and socialize young children in a safe and nurturing environment is breeding a generation of thieves and murderers.

Here are 5 Ways Kindergarten Turns Kids Into Criminals:

1. Show and Tell turns kids into shoplifters. Thou shalt not covet their neighbor's Legos. What better way to make kids materialistic and greedy than by dangling other kids' shiny new toys in front of their little faces?

2. Naptime turns kids into lazy bums. Sleeping in the middle of the day! On mats, no less!

3. Fingerpainting turns kids into graffiti artists. Smearing colors together with abandon, using their bare hands! Whatever happened to staying inside the lines?!

4. Snacktime turns kids into addicts. So sad. Doomed to spend the rest of their lives chasing that next graham cracker fix.

5. Storytime turns kids into violent offenders. Consider the savage behavior in such "classic" tales as "The Three Little Pigs." Listen up guys, here's how to break into somebody's house!

See what I mean? Now go and pull your kid out of kindergarten before you're visiting the hooligan in juvie!

Do you find Bob Kingsbury's statement about kindergarten turning kids into criminals funny, scary, or both?


Image via Dimitris Siskoupoulos/Flickr

education, elementary school, in the news


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cmjaz cmjaz

That's just crazy talk

butte... butterflyfreak

Funny AND Scary, funny because it sounds so ridiculous, and scary because some people will actually believe this nonsense. There will be even more people saying, "and this is why we home school." Not that there's anything wrong with homeschooling, everyone is free to educate their child any way they see fit. I just think that this silly "study" is not a valid reason to base such a decision.

Karyn Ainsworth

I think he has taken some second hand information and oversimplified it as politicians are known to do to support their agenda's. There are some studies that suggest locking small children into a curriculum too soon, as opposed to a caring environment to play can hamper some of their development. An education system too geared towards scores is part of one theory of why teens in the UK particularly boys are not adapting well. A well designed and caring kindergarten can be a better environment for some children and less suitable for others, there is no black and white. Unfortunately by making such a controversial statement he hinders the progress of honestly evaluating our education systems.

kcanela kcanela

dumb man. i went to daycare, then kindergarden . i turned out fine. the way a child strays iS on how he's raised by his parents. parenting is key

Zamaria Zamaria

I think that it's a bit ridiculous to say that kindergarten means that your child will have a higher chance of being a criminal. But I do think that they are expecting too much from kids at such a young age. I really don't think kids should be expected to go to school until they're a bit older. Just my opinion.

Laura Jerpseth

The earlier children are in school, the better, in my opinion. I started school when I was four years old, and I've been an honor student ever since. 

nonmember avatar zizzler

Pfft, does he realize that LOTS people have their kids in daycare at 6 weeks old anyhow? Skipping kindergarten just means another year of paying for daycare to many people. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to start school at a later age (like if we theoretically didn't start school until age 7), but his "facts" and "studies" are pure B.S.

lasombrs lasombrs

*SMH* and i live in NH :( There has been a lot of foolishness mentioned in the upcoming election. I am proudly sending my delayed child in to preschool in August and hope the State is able to help him become a stronger human being. And I dont think the school will turn him into a criminal. I think that is up to each child's personality, their upbringing, and how well they are cared for at home. although there are always exceptions to the rule

amazz... amazzonia

one thing is sure, kids get taken away from mothers to early, homeschooled kids are much happier and more secure of themselves

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