Ever since we made the firm decision that our daughter would be an only child, I've been hearing the criticisms. She's going to be spoiled! You're screwing up her whole life! Start saving for therapy now!
I could write another post defending my choice to be one and done. But I'm not going to. Folks, I am waving the white flag. You are right! My only child is already showing signs of being all kinds of screwed up. Behold the evidence!
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1. Our family of three cannot play board games that require four or more players. Sorry kid, you're never going to get to play Apples to Apples, so you better get used to Monopoly.
2. She farts, and we know it. You can't blame that kind of smell on a dog.
3. She has her own room, which she has to clean. By herself. After she messes it up.
4. Her teachers do not have a warning of what it is going to be like to teach a kid from our family. They don't realize she's full of piss and vinegar until they actually meet her.
5. There's no one to lord it over when she brings home all As on her report card. Maybe we should send the dog to obedience school?
6. She has never been rescued in the middle of a stern talking to by someone distracting Mom with a dirty diaper, fall down the stairs ...
7. I know who left that bicycle in the middle of the yard, and I do expect her to move it. By herself.
8. It was a total shock on the first day of kindergarten when a little boy threw sand in her face ... none of the adults she'd hung with prior to that ever dared do something so juvenile.
9. No one gets her jokes. The last time the other members of this house thought bathroom humor was hilarious was at least two decades ago.
10. It's bad enough thinking your parents had sex enough times to create each and every one of your siblings. Now imagine the one time they had sex (because you know!), it was to make you ...
OK one and done parents, go ahead, add yours. What have you done to totally screw up your kid?
Image by Jeanne Sager