I was just reading this article about a 6-year-old girl who sweeps, fishes, cleans what she fishes, and cooks for her family -- without being asked, ever. Guess what? An anthropologist had to travel all the way to the Peruvian Amazon to find her. Carolina Izqierdo met this girl, and dozens like her, while living with the Matsigenka tribe.
Meanwhile in America, her fellow anthropologist Elinor Oachs filmed 32 families in the Los Angeles area and witnessed the most jaw-dropping laziness. Kids who won't tie their shoes. Who won't get their own forks out of the drawer. Who expect to be waited on like royalty.
Embarrassing! The article asks that shaming question, "Why Are American Kids So Spoiled?" Yeah ... why the hell are WE spoiling our kids?
The article goes on making me, as a parent, squirm, describing the decadent lives of American kids. Not only do we NOT require them to lift a finger, even to help themselves (forget helping the rest of the family), we also buy them too much shit and we let said shit clutter up our homes. Writer Elizabeth Kolbert asks:
What values do we convey by turning our homes into warehouses for dolls? By assigning our kids chores and then rewarding them when they screw up? By untying and then retying their shoes for them? It almost seems as if we’re actively trying to raise a nation of “adultescents.” And, perhaps without realizing it, we are.
Like many of you, I was not raised this way. I cleaned my room and our bathroom. We did chores. I had to spend time weeding the garden before I could go out to play. I had to babysit my younger siblings and I don't remember getting paid for it.
Compare to this, life for my 8-year-old looks cushy. He does a few things for himself: He pours his own glass of milk (and mops up if he spills), he sometimes helps put away his laundry, with a lot of nagging, he'll clean up his room.
And then when you look at how independent those Matsigenka kids are -- oy, the shame. We really should be teaching our kids to be more self-sufficient, sooner.
But is it really fair to compare American kids to a community in the middle of the Amazonian rain forest? Our kids face totally different challenges in life. We subject our kids to relentless high-stakes testing and mountains of homework. We're driving them to lessons and practice and games. Maybe kids are just ... tired! Maybe we're tired.
It would be really easy to just let myself get sucked into a shame spiral after reading this -- and you know what that leads to. Drastic changes in the home that don't work and that you give up on after a week or so.
But I think I can still learn something here. In the U.S. we tend to value perfection and jumping through hoops over the satisfaction of a job well done (even if it's not perfectly done). We're focused on the destination -- I think the Matsigenka are more focused on the journey.
So maybe if we relax a little, if we're okay with our kids missing a spot when they clean the mirror, we could maybe make this work. If chores were less about completing a task and more about learning good habits for life, we might even get more buy-in from our kids, too. It's something I'm going to start working on with my son.
How much responsibility do your kids have at home?
Image via miss-britt/Flickr
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Comments 60
I'm nothing if not honest with myself. Insults don't get to me. I KNOW I'm an ass. I have 30 friends in real life, that are not family, and that's plenty for me! I'm not out to impress anyone. I've met awesome people just by being myself. It works for me, and I'm not about to change just because some douche on the internet doesn't like me :p
so sick of hearing that parents are to blame for everything. IT's annoying. Kids do stupid things even when parents teach them the right stuff.
@toniperoni: I agree kids love helping!! and watching mommy's and daddy's clean and maintain a good clean house is a great way for them to learn very early that it's a fun thing and not really a chore.
My 1 year old loves helping me do laundry, cook, and put his toys away; I even take him outside with me to water plants and feed the animals It's all a wonderful learning adventure for him and I'm so happy with how much he enjoys it. :) But I do see a lot of parents were I live who wait on their kids hand and foot, it's sad but true how many kids are being spoiled rotten because no one wants to tell them 'no'.
@Farrell: It has everything to do with parents. Yes kids are rebellious, yes they can be bad. But there is always a root to everything and in a child's case it's all about parenting. How a child acts reflects on their parents.
In my house everyone even the 3 yr has chores- my 13 ( 14 in nov) takes garbabge out, cleans living room, vaccums, puts his clothes away ,he helps by taking the kids to the park sometimes,& once a week he helps cook dinner. my 9 year old cleans her room,puts her clothes away, gets the clothes out of the dryer. my 5 year old washes the kitchen table and cleans up her messes. my 3 yr old feds the cats & cleans up after himself. And all the kids are expected to clear off their plates. the 14, & 9 yr old clean the dishes they eat off to. I start at one showing them to clean-up after them selves, then at 3 give them a "baby" job.
Amen! My 20 month old loves to help - she's a total sponge absorbing everything she sees us - her parents - doing (for better or worse). She helps me unload the dishwasher. It's not perfection - she puts the Ziploc/Tupperware lids in the basket they live in, she just drops the silverware into the drawer - she's not even tall enough to see in the drawer let alone know which utensils go in which slots - but it gives her a sense of satisfaction that she helped. A sense of pride in a job well done. She'll also clean up her toys and put them back on the shelf (when asked). She's young, but she's on the right track.
When my kids were old enough to do something, it was their job to do it including cleaning, laundry and cooking. I simply didn't do it and if they wanted those things done, they had to do it and did do it without my having to nag them. When my youngest was 13 she told me that if anything happened to me, she realized she could take care of herself. Now, at 18, she lives on her own in an apartment down the street with roommates. Her older siblings (19 and 21) live with me and pay all their own expenses except for rent (including car insurance, phone, electricity, cable, and food). One takes care of cleaning the kitchen and the other's job is trash/recycling. It's pretty simple--don't ask or expect anyone else to do something for you that you can do for yourself. We all help each other out and I do help out financially if needed on a case-by-case basis and physically if someone is ill. In short, we're equal and we help each other when needed.
the4mutts- Well its good for kids to do these chores just dont be mad at a kid under 5 for not doing a good job 5 years cant sweep, mop, fold laundry corrcetly but hey can try. nor can they make a bed very wellmaking beds is one thing I dont care if my kids do or not.