My boys are 7 and 9. So naturally, they're starting to get to that age. That age of curiosity. That age all parents dread. That age where it's time to talk about sex.
Since they're both boys, I'm guessing this talk is going to fall in my lap. Curse you, XY chromosomes! They've actually started asking a lot of questions lately (the boys, not the chromosomes) about "being in mommy's belly," so the clock is definitely ticking.
How is the whole conversation going to play out? I'm hoping, like a Band-Aid, it'll be quick and painless with no questions or interruptions at all. How do I think it's really going to go? Probably something like this.
"Boys, it's time we had a serious talk about something."
"I didn't do it! It was Ryan's fault," says my older son Jason.
"No, no. This isn't about ... wait, what did he do now?!? No, no. I can't get sidetracked. I need to talk to both of you about the birds and the bees."
"I don't like bees. They're mean. They sting!" says Ryan.
"It's just an expression. I really want to explain to you where babies come from and how babies are made."
"I heard in school that mommies poop the babies out," says Jason.
"WHAT? Who told you that?"
"I heard some kids talking at recess today," admits Jason.
"Mommy already told us. We came out of her belly," adds Ryan.
"Yes, that's true. The belly part, I mean! But do you know how you got inside mommy's belly in the first place?"
"She ate us?" asks Ryan.
"Um, no. You started off as a really, really, really tiny part of mommy and daddy. Mommy has an egg and daddy has what's called a sperm. When they get together, they combine and grow up into you. So you're made up of parts from half of me and half of mommy."
"Mommy lays eggs? Like a chicken!" laughs Ryan.
"Yes she lays eggs, but they're super duper tiny and they stay inside her body."
"So mommy eats your sperm and it mixes with the egg to make a baby!" says Ryan.
"Uhh. That's not really what happens. At least ... no, that's not how it gets in there. You see when a mommy and daddy love each other very very much, they do a special kind of hugging."
"Is it like when you hug grandma and grandpa?" asks Ryan.
"Definitely not!"
"I know. It's when you and mommy are under the covers in your bed," remarks Jason.
"Yes, that's right. The mommy and daddy who love each other very very much start hugging and kissing each other. And then the daddy puts his ... hoo boy ... you see the mommy lets the daddy take his ... well, they both don't have any clothes on and ..."
"They're naked?!?" asks Ryan shocked. "Why are they naked?"
"Because that's how you make a baby."
"If you're naked, you make a baby? So you take your clothes off and kiss someone, and that's how you get a baby in their belly," exclaims Ryan.
"No, no. I didn't finish. You see, they're naked so that their private parts are showing. And then the daddy puts his ... well, he puts his penis in mommy's vagina and they do more hugging."
"............."
"Boys? You okay? You understand what I just said?"
"............."
At this point, sweat starts pouring down the back of my neck. My heart's racing a mile a minute. I stare into their horrified little faces. And then Ryan bursts out crying and runs out of the room screaming, "Mommy! Daddy said he put his penis in your bagina!"
I stare at Jason, who blinks and merely says, "Can I go play the Wii now?"
I can only imagine if I had two girls ...
How did you tell your kids about sex?
Image via Remy Snippe/Flickr
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Comments 101
This is too adorable! I needed a good laugh! I am so worried about when the day(s) come when my son, who is 2years old, asks me about where babies come from!
I remember telling my little brother, who was 6-7 then, about where babies come from when heasked me. I was pregnant with my son at that time. and so I told him they came from God because I did not know how to respond. He replied back saying, "I think that babies com from God but when it is time for babies to come out, the doctor cuts your stomach open and there is blood everywhere..." I laughed so hard that I had tears!
:-)) HAHAH I only have 1 girl and uh .. Thank Goodness she is not ready for the boys yet.
LMAO! That's fantastic. We have had the how does the baby get out of mommy's belly talk in this house. I should have known I was in trouble when my then 6 and 8 year old walked out together with very serious looks on their faces.
My 8 year old, "Mommy, does the mommy push the baby out or does the doctor take it out?"
Me, "Normally, the mommy pushes the baby out but sometimes the doctor has to help."
My 6 year old, 'Yea, out of her China!"
Facepalm. At least some idea was there, lol.
i am very straightforward with my children. my 6 yr old started asking questions about what his was called and what mine was. one day i was in the shower and he(3 yrs at the time) saw me and said "MOMMY YOUR PEE-PEE IS GONE!". when my daughter(8mths now) was born and i was changing her he told me "mommy, sissy is weird" i said" why is that?" he says" becaise she had 2 butts on in front and one in back" so i explained to him that he had a penis and she had a vagina. now he calls in a ginis.
LOL - too funny. Thank you for the good laugh XD
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