Moms you are awesome. You are kind, sensitive and loving beings who build a wonderful playground of a world for your children. You're listeners. You're givers. You're dreammakers. But... and don't take this the wrong way... but you tend to go a bit "overboard" at times.
Whether it's birthdays, a lost tooth or report cards, you prepare and celebrate like it's a royal wedding reception! Us guys, on the other hand, well, fine. We probably downplay it just a tad. Sure, you probably think we're a sloppy bunch of lazy underachievers, but in reality we want our kids to learn that life is cruel and harsh. They don't need a trophy just for making in the potty. Throwing them a parade for getting an A on a report is just going to shoot their ego to the stratosphere.
Think I'm being a bit melodramatic here? Okay, let's break things down:
More from The Stir: Moms Can Be the Worst Bullies on the Playground
Birthday Cakes
Mom's Plan: Spend 27 hours stressing over a complicated Fozzie Bear cake that includes 8 cans of frosting, 6 bottles of food coloring, 3 boxes of Duncan Hines cake mix, and a bag of Kit-Kats, all while her hand is cramping up from decorating Fozzie, making dinner, helping the kids with their homework, and keeping them out of the kitchen.
Dad's Plan: A box of Twinkies and one well-placed candle.
The Tooth Fairy
Mom's Plan: Once little Ryan's asleep, sprinkle "fairy dust" (i.e. glitter) by the windowsill, trailing off to his bed, as well as spending three hours writing a personal poem that's then tucked in an envelope with $10 and gently placed under his pillow.
Dad's Plan: A firm handshake with the kid. "You lost a tooth? Good job."
Report Card
Mom's Plan: Reward Jason with McDonald's for dinner, and a brand-new Wii game for having such a great report card. Stick the report card on the fridge and comment on it every hour, as well as call every known living relative to let them know what a genius your boy has become.
Dad's Plan: Buy the kid a calculator so he can improve his math grades.
Halloween Costume
Mom's Plan: Take some sewing courses, then spend $47 on yellow material, $10 on Styrofoam balls, $9 on stuffing, $40 on brown boots and then start working on the world's craziest Sponge Bob costume, staying up until 3 a.m. for six weeks in a row to get the costume just right, so it'll look perfect and grow with your child. Then on to your second child's costume...
Dad's Plan: Cut a hole in an old white sheet. Boo.
Teacher Gifts
Mom's Plan: For each child's teachers, buy up a slew of Macy's Gift Cards and insert into a custom mug that displays a photo of the child and the teacher, listing the wonderful lessons learned this year. Each mug will contain each individual teacher's favorite candy, and then gently placed in a box that's wrapped with wrapping paper made up of photos of your child studying.
Dad's Plan: Teachers get gifts?
Do you tend to go overboard with your kids accomplishments? Or do you downplay them?
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
KStew Refuses to Shower
This Hot Dad Wants to Cook You Dinner
This Hot Dad Cooks AND Does the Dishes
Comments 70
birthday cakes and halloween costumes are true for me!! I don't sweat the rest. But I know people who do!
sounds like dad's are lazy to me.... and yes mom's do this out of love because we gave birth to them etc,
As for the tooth fairy, or report cards, we don't do a lot of fanfare. The tooth fairy delivers a little more money for the very first tooth, then her exchange rate goes to about $1.50/tooth. Report cards are awesome, but we don't buy video games for grades (my ex does for my oldest and it drives me insane, he even does it on lower grades, howmis that helping!?!?!). We do tell grandparents, and if they do exceptionally well, they may get dinner out. Or go out for ice cream, but nothing elaborate.
I'd like to think I have a good mix. ;)
Fozzie Bear? What year was this written, anyway?