Moms you are awesome. You are kind, sensitive and loving beings who build a wonderful playground of a world for your children. You're listeners. You're givers. You're dreammakers. But... and don't take this the wrong way... but you tend to go a bit "overboard" at times.
Whether it's birthdays, a lost tooth or report cards, you prepare and celebrate like it's a royal wedding reception! Us guys, on the other hand, well, fine. We probably downplay it just a tad. Sure, you probably think we're a sloppy bunch of lazy underachievers, but in reality we want our kids to learn that life is cruel and harsh. They don't need a trophy just for making in the potty. Throwing them a parade for getting an A on a report is just going to shoot their ego to the stratosphere.
Think I'm being a bit melodramatic here? Okay, let's break things down:
More from The Stir: Moms Can Be the Worst Bullies on the Playground
Birthday Cakes
Mom's Plan: Spend 27 hours stressing over a complicated Fozzie Bear cake that includes 8 cans of frosting, 6 bottles of food coloring, 3 boxes of Duncan Hines cake mix, and a bag of Kit-Kats, all while her hand is cramping up from decorating Fozzie, making dinner, helping the kids with their homework, and keeping them out of the kitchen.
Dad's Plan: A box of Twinkies and one well-placed candle.
The Tooth Fairy
Mom's Plan: Once little Ryan's asleep, sprinkle "fairy dust" (i.e. glitter) by the windowsill, trailing off to his bed, as well as spending three hours writing a personal poem that's then tucked in an envelope with $10 and gently placed under his pillow.
Dad's Plan: A firm handshake with the kid. "You lost a tooth? Good job."
Report Card
Mom's Plan: Reward Jason with McDonald's for dinner, and a brand-new Wii game for having such a great report card. Stick the report card on the fridge and comment on it every hour, as well as call every known living relative to let them know what a genius your boy has become.
Dad's Plan: Buy the kid a calculator so he can improve his math grades.
Halloween Costume
Mom's Plan: Take some sewing courses, then spend $47 on yellow material, $10 on Styrofoam balls, $9 on stuffing, $40 on brown boots and then start working on the world's craziest Sponge Bob costume, staying up until 3 a.m. for six weeks in a row to get the costume just right, so it'll look perfect and grow with your child. Then on to your second child's costume...
Dad's Plan: Cut a hole in an old white sheet. Boo.
Teacher Gifts
Mom's Plan: For each child's teachers, buy up a slew of Macy's Gift Cards and insert into a custom mug that displays a photo of the child and the teacher, listing the wonderful lessons learned this year. Each mug will contain each individual teacher's favorite candy, and then gently placed in a box that's wrapped with wrapping paper made up of photos of your child studying.
Dad's Plan: Teachers get gifts?
Do you tend to go overboard with your kids accomplishments? Or do you downplay them?
Tie-Dye for the Fourth of July!
Mom Survives Horrific Domestic Abuse
Kim and Kanye's Baby Name Predictions!
Moms Love Birthday Parties, Too!
Comments 70
For my granddaughter's 7th birthday last month, her mom and I threw a huge luau. I searched all over Etsy to find the perfect cupcake holders, made little sharks and flamingos, bought two (yes two) pinatas. Her other grandmother rented an elaborate jumpy thing with a slide and all. We decorated the pool area with all kinds of luau-y things and had a coconut drinking cup for each child. There was more-much more. When it was all over I calmed down and relized that I had probably spent as much money and effort as I would have for home wedding! And she most likely will only have a vague (if at all) memory of it. Would I do it all over again? Of course!
Really entertaining article and so funny because we all know how true this is!
This is so true. My fiancee is so like that. I get a little irritated a little that he doesn't get more excited about things, and he just says it is because at the moment it happens its YAYs all around in about a week who is going to care. As for the halloween costume though, he does tend to go over board with that one. We have two girls and a boy, so he wants our son to be awesome looking. Though with all our kids he wanted each of them to be Yoda.