Yesterday, my four year old kindly asked my why my belly was still so big if I didn't have a baby in there. So, of course, I asked him why he was such an asshole. (Just kidding, I didn't. But I wanted to.)
Thankfully I'm not the only one with a less than complimentary child. I asked my friends for the most innocently offensive thing their child has ever say to them and the answers were quite ... insulting. It's a good thing we love the little assholes.
1. "They don't even have to say a thing ... They burst into laughter when they see me naked. That's enough!"
2. "My three year old told me that my singing gave him nightmares and kindly asked that I just leave his room instead."
3. "My son asked if he could ride his cars across my belly because it looked like it had tracks. Nice!"
4. "How come your boobs are so low when you wear your nightgown, mommy? They're in the normal place when you wear clothes. ..?"
5. "My kids do not believe that I am the person in my wedding album. They simply refuse to grasp it."
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6. "I took my daughter to the OB with me. When it was time to get on the scale, she guessed that I weighed a billion pounds. Sadly, she wasn't so far off."
7. "Last week she took my hand before crossing the street, "I'm practicing being a girl scout and helping the elderly across the street"
8. "Mine asks me to show them how my arms flap in the wind. They think it's hilarious."
9. "My favorite: 'Mommy, you look just like Grammy now!'"
10. "I was about eight months pregnant, watching Little Mermaid with my then 2 year old and Ursula came on the screen. My sweet little angel clapped her hands excitedly and sqealed, 'It's mommy!!'"
What's the most insulting thing YOUR child has said to you?
Image via Scary Mommy