Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Since my day never really goes the way I want it to, I thought I would spell it out for my family this year. What do I want? A day off, thank you very much. This year, I'm taking Mother's Day back. Here's what I will be doing ...
More from The Stir: Get Me an Edible Arrangement for Mother's Day & You'll Be Sorry
1. Not to be woken up. Chances are, I’ll be up well before 7, but I want to at least try.
2. Not to pick out clothes. I don’t care what the children wear -- they can be mismatched, filthy, and stained, I just don’t want anything to do with it.
3. Not to think about dinner. It’s one of the first things I think about every day and it’s frequently greeted by yucks and ewwws. I need a day off.
4. Not to drive anywhere. Unless it's the spa. That I could deal with.
5. Not wipe a single nose or wipe crusty food off of a face.
6. Not to bathe the children. It’s my least favorite task, hands down.
7. Not to be in charge of bedtime. Yes, I want to snuggle with the kids. I will sing them my '80s medley of lullabies and maybe even read a book or two, but I don’t want to deal with the million whines and calls long after I have tucked them in.
8. Not having to load/unload the dishwasher. Let's just use paper for the day, because I'm pretty sure nobody else in the house is capable of this one.
9. Not to play referee. I’ve never much enjoyed sports, anyway.
10. Not to wipe a single ass.
What do YOU want for Mother's Day?
Image via Scary Mommy