I Want My Daughter to Be a Mean Girl

Say What!? 47

little girlNo mom wants to think that her sweet little girl could possibly metamorphosis into a mean girl. That the little girl who you had tea parties with and watched as she lovingly moved a kitten out of harm's way could turn into a bully.

Everyone hates a mean girl. But I’d rather my daughter turn into a mean girl than the victim of a bully. My daughter has gotten bullied. Both of my girls have gotten bullied -- in preschool no less. Kids are mean these days.

A classmate, who somehow at the tender age of 4 knows how to withhold affection, was torturing my youngest. This kid is a master manipulator and her bullying isn't reserved just for my daughter. She is an equal opportunity mean girl. Honestly, I don’t care for this child at all, mostly because she made my daughter cry for about 3 months.

This child likes to tell other kids that she doesn’t like them. If they try to play with her, she ignores, belittles, and taunts them. Depending on the day, you may or may not be in her good graces. Of course, I tried to tell my little girl to NOT play with her (because why the hell would you?). I don’t particularly want my daughter picking up inferiority complexes because this other kid makes her feel not quite good enough. I’ll be damned if I'm going to watch what I say and do around my daughter, only to have some 4-year-old make her question herself.

I've taught my girls to be nice to everyone. I teach them to empathize with someone who is being left out, in hopes that they will not be the mean kid. It has worked thus far.

Unfortunately, now my 4-year-old is friends with the mean girl and I think she's afraid to fall out of her good graces. She goes along with pretty much whatever this other little girl wants to play and everything is good because my kid is making nice. Of course, this also means that my kid is going along with the bully who is now focusing her time and energy on weaker children.

But, I've reconsidered; I don’t want my kid to make nice with the mean girls. I don’t want her to be pleasing to a jerk. I want her to stand up against her and ignore her. I want her to say, “Hey, you are kind of a monster and I don’t want to be your friend. Be gone before someone drops a house on you!” I’d much rather her be the mean girl in this scenario than the kid getting bullied into submission.

What would you prefer, your kid be the mean girl or the bully?

Image via tattoo Lover/Flickr



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Eques... EquestrianMom

I love this skill my son has of finding balance. I remember an ill fated play date with a (very) slightly younger boy. His Mom was great, I had high hopes! But alas, this young boy was a smacking, name calling, screaming holy terror. At one point this boy whacked my son in the head with a plastic truck and then grabbed the toy my stunned son had. My son (ever so calmly) said "That wasn't nice at all. I would like my toy back, unless you would like to trade. But if you hit me again I will hit you back." I was trying to get across the yard to intervene, because I could see the naughty play date was about to whack him again, and sure enough, before I could ge tthere he hit my son again with the plastic truck. My son (oh, I was clapping on the inside!) stood up calmly, dusted his pants, and SOCKED that kid. Who ran off crying to his mom. My son looked at me and goes "well, I told him it wasn't nice, guess he knows how it feels now!" LMFAO! THATA BOY! 

nonmember avatar Lilianne

I don't think your daughter standing up to her "friend" would make her a "mean girl". Telling a bully or mean girl you don't want to be their friend doesn't make you mean, it makes you honest. If enough little girls did that to your daughter's friend she might just realize the error of her ways. I hope your daughter does stand up to her and finds some friends who are worth her friendship!

jkm89 jkm89

Haha equestrianmom, I'm glad he gave fair warning!

Jess1... Jess10210

Hahahaha equestrianmom I just died laughing. I hope thats how my baby is in the future!

sofia... sofia0587

I want her to be nice but not let anyone push her around!

chigi... chigirl1228

I have a mean girl...you don't want one. She doesn't share, she yells, hits and is just terrible to be around. She's 4. But she also doesn't have much social interaction either. She plays well with her baby sister and another 1 yr old that comes over. But that 1 yr old has a 3 yr old brother and she is very bossy to him. Can anybody help me with this??? I'm at the end of my rope here. I'm hoping preschool next year helps but....I'm very nervous she won't have any friends. :(

eleph... elephantmamaof2

Anybody have any tips on helping children solve preschool spats on their own? It seems like at that age there aren't really particular bullies (at least at my son's school), but the kids have their days where they don't always get along. Somebody must have been talking to them about bullying because the other day my ever neutral son came home and told me that another little boy was bullying him- the same boy who was his best friend 2 days ago. I want my son to feel prepared and independent enough to try to handle these little spats on his own, but I'm not sure where to start.

Theresa Novak Bond

Great post and an interesting question. It's hard as parents. Like you, I want my girls to be nice to everyone. i don't like that it just doesn't seem to be able to be that way...I guess I would rather my daughter be a mean girl than have her esteem trampled by a mean girl.

Justa... Justamom283

You don't want your daughter to be a mean girl. You just want her to find her voice and stand up for herself and others who are being pushed around. Not taking anyone else sh*t doesn't make you a mean girl. It makes you a girl with principles.

jalaz77 jalaz77

I don't want my kids to be the mean one or the victim. I will tell you this, we will teach our kids how to be as neutral as possible HOWEVER you have every right to swing back if they swing at you. It is self defense, our kids are young so we will see what happens in the next few years. I like what Justamom283 says too.

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