5 Spring Break Games You Never Want Your Kids to Play

The time of year is almost here - the time that your kids are released from school and stuck at home with boring old Mom and Dad - and they're not afraid to say so. In fact, the most common words out of the mouths of Spring Breakers is, "I'm bored."

Back in my day, my Mom just booted me outside (no matter what the weather) and locked the door as she sat inside in air conditioned bliss. Rather than sit there staring at her through the door like a puppy, I banded together with the neighbor kids (who had similarly been booted from their homes) and played.

My kids? Not so fortunate. Which means that I have to come up with some special kids of games for my kiddos. These games will not involve ANY of the following Worst Spring Break Games Ever.

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1) Sandbox Easter Egg Hunt - Sure sandboxes are great places for kids to hang out and find fossilized raccoon poo. If you're lucky, you might even find some fresh poo! It's like a mini-Easter Egg hunt! Except the prize is poop.

2) Name That Alcohol! - Pour five kinds of golden liquors into glasses, see which of your kids can identify the brandy fastest! As a special bonus, once you have a winner, it's naptime!

3) Air Band Hero - Get your kids together, elect a lead air guitarist and have them CRANK IT TO ELEVEN on such classics as Don't Break My Heart, That Girl Is Poison, and No Sleep Till Brooklyn. Get your drummer some pots and pans, while your manager downs vodka and Excedrin to deal with the migraines.

4) Household Pet Turismo - Gather up the pets in the household, and have the kids hang on to them in the kitchen. Set down a bowl of food in the living room and then have each kid slap their pet at the same time. First one to the food wins! This works best if you have younger kids with tight grips, so the animals are scared and run around the house first.

5) Terrorists and Federal Agents - Remember cowboys and Indians from when you were young? It's JUST like that, except that it's less politically incorrect, and the agents can use the hose to water-board their enemies.

What other horrifying spring break activities can you think of?


Image via gareth1953/Flickr

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