Kids' Latest Schoolyard Game Will Make You Cringe

on February 4, 2012 at 10:33 AM

another playground A game played by millions of kids on the playground over the years took a disturbing turn at one Minnesota school this week. I would preface the details of "rape tag" by saying they're disturbing, but the name more or less says that, doesn't it? And yet, I'm neither surprised the kids in the fifth grade at Washington Elementary School in Minnesota invented the game nor terribly scared about what this says for the future of America.

Let me be clear: I don't think rape is funny. I don't think rape is a game. And I don't think fifth graders should be forcing their classmates to subject to being humped in order to escape being "frozen" in a game most of us knew as freeze tag. I also think parents can learn a good lesson from this.

Like parents who were upset over kids in Georgia playing "slaves" on the playground just last week, folks worried about the game of rape tag are automatically ascribing malicious motives to these little kids. But we don't know that these kids have any idea what rape means. We don't even know that they know that forcing someone to be humped is inappropriate behavior.

What do we know? We know that kids make games out of things they don't understand. We know that kids hear words like "rape" on the news every single day.

We also know that by fifth grade, kids are starting to get an idea that the opposite sex is interesting. What's more, in fifth grade, kids want more than anything to be like the bigger kids. So they're going to start talking about sexual issues as if they know what they're talking about -- even when they don't.

Just last month, my friend was shocked to hear her 11-year-old referring to her friend's "slutty" clothing. But rather than over-react, she asked her daughter what she thought "slutty" meant. Turns out the kid actually thought it was interchangeable with "sexy."

Another friend caught her 9-year-old making a "dating guide" for her younger brother, complete with descriptors of the potential dates that used the words "sex abuse." Terrified that her child had somehow been abused, she dealt with it immediately, only to figure out the girl had heard the words on the news several times in the past few weeks (the Penn State scandal was at fever pitch at the time). She had no idea what she was saying, but it sure "sounded" adult to her.

Instead of writing these kids off as sickos in the making, this should be a sign that we need to be more careful about what our kids are exposed to. Fifth graders shouldn't have heard the word rape. Period.

What word has your kid used that shocked you until you realized they had no idea what it meant?

Image via ell brown/Flickr

About the author Jeanne Sager

writes articles for The Stir by day, slays closet monsters and bounds through bedtime stories with her elementary schooler by night. Diet Pepsi courses through her veins. The Phineas and Ferb soundtrack reverberates through her brain.

Filed Under: education, independence

Comments (19)

sammyd2011

on Feb 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM

Fifth graders shouldn't have heard the word rape? Really? How about parents should explain why rape is real and very serious and not to be played around with. We can't shield our children from hearing things, but we can guide their knowledge of these subjects

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MommaGreenhalge

on Feb 4, 2012 at 10:59 AM

I think saying they shouldn't have heard the word "rape" might be counterproductive. I would rather if they have heard it and might repeat it that they knew what it meant, at least in general terms. That if they've heard it, it wasn't in such a way that inspired them to make a game out of it, but rather a really scary and hurtful sounding word.

I think those kids have been exposed to something they shouldn't be: adults using a word like "rape" in a way that was joking or cavalier. Same with the kids that think it's okay to use the N word, or kids who like to play gangster games or anything of the sort. When we stop joking about stuff like rape is when we won't have to worry about kids playing "rape tag" on the playground.

PonyChaser

on Feb 4, 2012 at 11:55 AM

It's sad that things like "rape" (the word AND the deed) have become such common things in our lives that we expect, rather than are shocked, when fifth graders (10 year olds, people!) are expected to know and understand it.

But I agree with you, again, Jeanne... instead of jumping to the absolute worst-case scenario, jumping in with "Zero Tolerance" and putting some of these kids (the boys, of course) on the Sex Offender Registry, thereby ruining their entire lives, adults (and I'm including school officials in this) need to step in and ask questions. So many times, kids say one thing and mean another. It's called learning. And if you sit down with them - especially at this age - and have a frank conversation about what's appropriate, what isn't, and what things mean, a lot of this behavior can be averted. Especially if, after it is all explained and straightened out, stiff penalties are attached AND ENFORCED if the behavior continues. Because then it IS misbehaving.

I think the school handled it exactly right.

angevil53

on Feb 4, 2012 at 12:05 PM

yes, continue to shield children from words like rape. then you can't open up the lines of communication that they don't need...

kisses5050

on Feb 4, 2012 at 12:19 PM

I cringe walking in a middle school hallway and hear the word said as a boy jumps on another in horseplay... or a girl scream it in mock horror when a boy gets to close to her in the lunch line or calling them "stalker"... I have lectured them on the seriousness of the words I have called home,, but it is an up hill battle in a world where words are becoming so meaningless... We see on the stir article after artical 25 things never to say to_____(insert some put upon group) yet how many people are teaching kids to be just plain respectful in speaking and living?

copgirl112

on Feb 4, 2012 at 12:24 PM

Kisses5050- Most middle schoolers I know that use the word rape usually are just joking around or making rape jokes. I do think they understand the seriousness of the word but most middle schoolers are really immature on this subject.

Marjchaos

on Feb 4, 2012 at 12:36 PM

They are using rape interchangably with sex. That should probably be corrected ASAP. Like when I was a teen and we used molest interchangably with making out. Either way you go with that, it's pretty disturbing.

on Feb 4, 2012 at 2:06 PM

Angevil, just because someone doesn't use your timetable to educate their children on sensitive subjects does not mean that they are not "opening lines of communication". I talk to my son about everything he asks me about - from why the sky is blue to why those people on the NPR game this morning were saying such mean things about Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich.

When I feel that he is mature enough to discuss things like rape, I will talk with him about it. Not when you or anyone else tells me I should.

bluedolly01

on Feb 4, 2012 at 4:09 PM

sammyd2011 - really? 5th grade and not heard the word "rape"? Its on the news at least 3 times a week and you dont expect a ten year old to have heard the word before. Its in the papers, its on the radio its on signs on the back of toilet doors. How do you expect a child to get to 10 and not be exposed to the word. No - they may not know what it means but thats your job as a parent to explain it in an age appropriate manner.

EvalynCarnate

on Feb 4, 2012 at 9:27 PM

Hey, Im sorry, but if children are old enough to USE the word then they're old enough to know about it. Obviously they're equating "humping" with sex anyway, so it sounds like there needs to be some serious talking. 5th grade might seem young but given the circumstances I'd say go for it. You dont want these kids going around using these terms ignorantly. It's dangerous to them as children and us as parents!