10 Snarky Responses to Unwanted Parenting Advice

88

Ah, unwanted parenting advice.

We all get it. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, someone has something to say about it. Something, I should add, that you don't want to hear.

AT ALL.

So I've compiled a handy list of things to retort with when someone at the grocery store decides to tell you why you're a bad parent.

"Oh good! I didn't realize we were in a poly-parenting arrangement. In that case, can you please change this diaper?"

"I'm sorry my baby's crying annoys you. Next time, I'll leave her in the car."

More from The Stir: 5 Toddler Tantrums That Make Moms Want to Scream

"I should've stopped to think about autism instead of preventing my kid from contracting dangerous communicable diseases!"

"You used the 'cry it out' method? I use the 'vodka in her bottle' method. Works great!"

"Well, we're hoping that we can get a spot on Jerry Springer."

"But I thought Cheetos were a part of a nutritious diet!"

"I'm so glad your child was potty trained at 9 months. I'm just too lazy to bother teaching my kid. I gotta watch my stories, not train the kid!"

"Well, your kids were clearly a more refined, better breed than my own."

More from The Stir: Thwart the Toddler Tantrum: 12 Tips to Try

"Glaring at me while I shop for my groceries is absolutely the way to make my kid stop wailing. Thanks for that!"

"We're just letting our kids raise themselves. They're 'free-range' kids."

What other gems can you give me?

 

Image via bbaunach/Flickr

a mom's life

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nicki... nicki.hemingway

"And this is why you are not my kids parent" works well.  If that doesn't work, "Fuck off"

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I've had people say mean things to me in public, but by being nasty right back to them you're only perpetuating the lies they're already stringing together in their head. A simple "Thanks for your concern, but I can handle this" or if you must a "Please mind your own business" suffices for me most of the time. They'r eusually so shocked you stood up for yourself at all that they walk away.. 

Melis... Melissa042807

Smile secretively and say "Dimetapp." Gets 'em every time. ;-) 

heave... heavenlybliss19

free range kids... ROFL!  and wait a sec...  doesn't EVERYONE do the vodka in the bottle technique????  *kidding*

coyshell coyshell

ave her in the car."



"I should've stopped to think about autism instead of preventing my kid from contracting dangerous communicable diseases!" What dies this mean? (Sorry, bad sinus infection, little brain dead right now)

Snort... SnortysMom

I've actually said, "He came out of MY vagina, not yours!" lol

nativ... nativesquared

LOLZ on these!I have also used"Until you pay all the costs you don't get to be Boss,so rightly go fuck yourself","Oh,how sweet,I see they let everyone from The Asshole House out on a daytrip,you did pack your meds in the brown bag didn't you?",Oh,you must be Pinnochio's Mother,I can tell by the way you butted you big nose in my business".I have NO problem with putting smarmy people in their place,because until you do,they will just keep doing it,like the bullies they are.Doesn't perpetuate anything for the most part,it stops it cold since they'll think twice next time before opening their trap!:)

Waltz... WaltzingMtilda

Just smile, pat them on the arm and say "In this matter, you should not concern yourself."

Sunny220 Sunny220

I know this is all in fun to find a cop-able strategy to life,s ups n downs. However, there once was a time when a child squalling was removed from the store,(rightly so , as on your babysitter days you might be upset to see a person just letting the Free Range attitude just happen n shared w/ you whether you want it or not. )  and or got their little ass smacked ( not abusively but correctly)  instead of just being  IGNORED, as I have seen in the now generation.  But it is hard for a stranger to ignore a screaming brat, having a fit over a parent BEING a parent and saying NO.                                      Brat = another persons child.

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