Ah, unwanted parenting advice.

We all get it. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing, someone has something to say about it. Something, I should add, that you don't want to hear.

AT ALL.

So I've compiled a handy list of things to retort with when someone at the grocery store decides to tell you why you're a bad parent.

"Oh good! I didn't realize we were in a poly-parenting arrangement. In that case, can you please change this diaper?"

"I'm sorry my baby's crying annoys you. Next time, I'll leave her in the car."

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"I should've stopped to think about autism instead of preventing my kid from contracting dangerous communicable diseases!"

"You used the 'cry it out' method? I use the 'vodka in her bottle' method. Works great!"

"Well, we're hoping that we can get a spot on Jerry Springer."

"But I thought Cheetos were a part of a nutritious diet!"

"I'm so glad your child was potty trained at 9 months. I'm just too lazy to bother teaching my kid. I gotta watch my stories, not train the kid!"

"Well, your kids were clearly a more refined, better breed than my own."

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"Glaring at me while I shop for my groceries is absolutely the way to make my kid stop wailing. Thanks for that!"

"We're just letting our kids raise themselves. They're 'free-range' kids."

What other gems can you give me?

 

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