7 Kid Products That Are Great in Theory (But Not in Real Life)

My daughter, like many 5-year-olds, has a thing about Band-Aids. She misses the basic function (to cover open wounds) and uses them for everything -- art projects, room decorations, wall hangings, and playing doctor. This is especially true of novelty Band-Aids. We basically can't ever buy them as both my kids think they are stickers.

File under: Products for kids that are great in theory but, like Communism, work best on paper. Any parent has experienced this before. Feed your kid some chocolate milk to get them to take calcium and end up creating a child that won't drink milk without the caffeine and sugar; give your kid a toy they have been asking for, like a monster doll, and they end up having nightmares. A parent just can't win, it seems.

With that in mind, here are 7 of the biggest product fails for kids. They should be great, but sadly ... they just don't work.

  • Novelty Band-Aids: The Hello Kitty Band-Aids and cute little princess ones SEEM like a great way to cover boo-boos and make kids happy, but they look an awful lot like stickers and stickers are FUN to put on everything. Every time we buy novelty Band-Aids, they are gone in about two days, which means, guess what? We are OUT of Band-Aids all the time. Sigh.
  • Gummy vitamins: OK, seriously, whoever thought of this needs to have children right away or at least go back to the toddler years. I give these to my kids and they think they are candy. We have settled on a good compromise now with chew-ables from Whole Foods, which work well since my kids do seem to grasp that they only get two a day as opposed to the gummies, which they would try to steal and make themselves sick.
  • Flavored medicine: This one goes along with the last one, but when I was a child, I swallowed a whole bottle of orange Triaminic because YUM. My mom had to call poison control. My dream is medicine that tastes like water. Not too good and not too bad. Could we work on that, please?
  • Scented lip gloss: My 5-year-old takes bites of her scented lip glosses as though they are candy. And why not? They look, smell, and TASTE like candy, right? This is just an evil, evil product I try to keep from my children at all costs.
  • Monster PJs/dolls: My son has a pair of adorable monster PJs, which should be perfect for him. Except THEY HAVE MONSTERS ON THEM. Every time he wears them, he gets scared. And why not? He is 3. They are Hanna Andersson and they were a gift, so I am loathe to pitch them, but realistically, this isn't a great idea for toddlers.
  • Glitter/body glitter: Oh I have such a love/hate with glitter. But for my 5-year-old, it's pure, unadulterated LOVE. She is at the age of glitter and, as my husband says, he goes to work every morning looking like he spent the night at a strip club because he is covered in glitter. It permeates every corner of our home and is nearly impossible to get rid of. Personally, I don't mind because, let's be honest, who doesn't need a little sparkle in their lives? But for my husband who has a real office job, glitter is no fun.
  • Moonsand: As my friend recently told me, this arts and crafts product is just as annoying as glitter. He said: "It gets everywhere. It's not 'easy' to clean up like they say, it basically just scatters all over and you'll find gritty crunchy crap in your couch and on the floor for the next three years." Sing it, brother!

What kid products do you think backfire like these?


Image via Target

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