25 Ways You Know You're Such a Mother

Being a Mom 160

A few months ago, I was in the grocery store roaming the bread isle. Wheat, white, pita, English muffins ... Boring, boring, boring. And, then I spotted it: Goldfish Sandwich Bread. There, right in between the milk and the exotic food aisle, I squealed. Bread, in the shape of a giant Goldfish cracker?! My kids would be psyched!! This was the best trip to Safeway EVER!!! Wooo-hooo!

And, then it hit me: I am such a mother. 

I asked my friends for their "motherhood moments" and the answers made me laugh -- I can relate to every single one ... What about you?

25. Your new accessories consist of boogers, spit up and pieces of food on your outfit.  -- Monica

24. Your kid starts to throw up and you hold out your hands to catch it because you're no where near the toilet. Then you hold the crying child, getting barf in your hair and that's the least of your concerns. -- Amy

23. When going grocery shopping alone is considered "Me time" -- Lizette

22. You quietly wipe a butt (and remember to not flush!) while on a business call. --- Laura

21. Your six year old daughter has more shoes and a cuter wardrobe than you. -- Patti

20. You pick someone else's boogers and it's no big deal. -- Melissa

19. You actually like driving a mini van. -- Jody

18. When you know 1 million things to clean with BABY WIPES! -- Diana

17. When you feel the need to stick a bottle in the mouth of anyone upset. -- Michelle

16. You carry human teeth in your purse.  -- Penny

15. You just forced them into bed and you've had enough then an hour later you're bawling your eyes out at their baby pics. -- Nermeen 

14. You hold your poop till 11 p.m. so that you can go without an audience... -- Evin

13. ‎"What kind of poop was it?" counts as stimulating conversation.  -- JoAnna

12.  When you jam out to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song while driving and realize you just dropped off the little one at daycare. -- LeKisha 

11. When you have extra underwear and leggings and emergency fruit snacks stashed in your purse and glove compartment at all times! --- Kathryn

10. You can do 6 different things at the same time.  -- Donna

9. You hear a kid going bananas in public and as soon as you see it's not yours, you're thrilled.  -- Stacey

8. Walk out of the house, realize there's poop on your shirt, and scrape it off with your nail instead of going back inside to change. -- Erin

7. When you hear someone else's newborn do her little gurgle cry and you think "awww, I wish I could hold her" rather than "OMG make it stop!" -- Brandy

6. You are more likely to find cheese sticks, diapers and yogurt in your purse than a mirror. -- Liana

5. You spent half the day with a "You Went Potty!!!!" sticker in your hair and no one told you. -- Tiffany

4. You have embraced the fact that an uninterrupted nap excites you more than uninterrupted sex. -- Kimberly

3. You clench your nether regions just before a sneeze so you don't pee. -- Kelly

2. You eat a rogue Froot Loop off the floor and never think twice. And you don't even look around to see if someone's watching. -- Susan

1. The last thing you do on a vacation is relax.  -- Kimberly

 

How did you know you were a mother?

 

Image via Scary Mommy

behavior, independence

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about... abouttobeamom

When I brought a poop diaper to the doctor and showed everyone, and was answered by other mothers who had he same poop problem....also when I had to breastfeed in public and I would just whip it out, once a lady told m it was gross and I looked down at my daughter and told her she was just jealous I had nicer boobs...also....I am the ultimate napkin

nonmember avatar niki

I can, whileholding an infant/toddler, clean up an entire room using just my feet! While talking on the phone! I am a mother of four!

dande... dandersen

i knew i was a mother when i realized that i hadnt had a single moments peace in longer than i could remember, that i could honestly not remember the last time that i had a second  that wasnt filled with something, be it noise or mess or smell or need, every moment, even during sleep, something is always going on in my "mothers mind"....

nonmember avatar Patty

I have walked around all day (and no one said anything) with my shirt on inside out!

Aussi... AussieReg

When your kid part chews something and then spits it out and you just pick it up and eat it.


When you sniff the diaper or peek in for a poop check or put a finger in to check level of wetness for pee.


 

jassy... jassysmama

you hear a kid say mommy and look around saying what

fresh... freshmomblog

Ha! #18- Baby wipes need to be remarketed to non-moms... I carry them with me everywhere now!

nonmember avatar kelly

You go in every night to cover up and kiss your kid before you go to sleep, even if they are fine.

Your car, that you lovingly picked out and paid way too much for, looks like Toys R Us vomited all over it at any given time.

You feel like an hour at the playground involves more negotiation and reasoning skills than a 4 hour meeting at work.

You keep Shout stain removers in every room - and in your purse and glove box.

You buy your husband dinosaur toys and firetruck Matchbox cars for his birthday, because that's what your toddler picked out for him and is so excited to see him open ... and he loves them :)

nonmember avatar caligirl

1-25 Disgusting!
I never did this and never plan on it. Women use "being a mom" as an excuse to let themselves go. I am so proud that my mother always looked like a lady even with 5 little ones, my sisters did and I did. Moms need to take time for themselves and remember that before they were mothers they had a name and that should be their identity. It should be Sally is a mom, not Sally IS mom.

nonmember avatar Kathryn

That's just nasty. It seems that being a parent has become a synonym for being a lazy, filthy slob.
If you find it so haaaaaarrrrrdddd to be a parent then don't have kids.
You're welcome.

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