What parent doesn't dream of the perfect morning before school? Mine would entail a little girl who climbs out of bed just as the alarm goes off, pulls on the clothes set out for her the night before without complaint, brushes her teeth, sits quietly while I run a brush through her hair, and gets to the bus with plenty of time to spare. Of course, we've never had one of those mornings in our house. We're more the "get to the bus by the skin of our teeth" family. No wonder the threat of a stint in jail for a mom in Michigan for her autistic son's frequent tardies is scaring the pants off of me.
Andria Black's story is the kind you hear and say "there but for the grace of God go I." The school's counting a series of 10- to 15-minute tardies as absences, and they're threatening J'Rez's mom with jailtime for his truancy. But the single mom to a 9-year-old with autism says his condition sometimes makes it impossible for her to get him moving in the morning, and she'd rather the school give her son make-up time than put him in foster care while she sits in jail.
How can I not feel for her? Just this week, I called my daughter's teacher in part to talk about our morning issues so I could make some headway. My kid is sent to bed at a reasonable hour every night, and she flat out refuses to go to sleep. And surprise, surprise, when the alarm goes off in the morning, she's tired and cranky. My husband and I bear the brunt of her attitude, and that perfect morning is drowned out by shrieks of "I don't wanna" and demands that she "put that shirt on right now young lady."
We're still looking for answers, and so far we've avoided drawing the school's ire. But then again, we don't have a child with special needs. Andria Black does, which only doubles my sympathy for her. Because if I am struggling with my kid who is not autistic, I can't imagine how much harder she has it with a child who has a verified condition.
And after watching a clip of her spelling out all the efforts she's made, I am left with this feeling in the pit of my stomach:
At least she's trying to get her kid to school! Isn't that the best sign of a good mom? That she's trying?
When does doing everything you can to get a kid moving in the morning stop being enough? Do you struggle in the mornings with your child before school?
Image via WXYZ
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Comments 55
Schools need to be more understanding of children and families with special needs children. Its very hard to get an autistic child up and moving in the morning. I know this first hand. Why don't they worry more about other issues such as teen pregnancy and violence? To put Mom in jail because her autistic son is late for school is simply worsening the issue. That child would never want to go to school again if his mother were put in jail because of this.
It's not just put them on a structure routine. Before my son ( i have a 10 yr old dd and 5 yr old ds also, who have no trouble getting ready on time) I never imagined that I would ever walk into work and burst into tears and wonder if I can do this anymore.
This should fall under some sort of discrimination category. I am the mother of a 6 year old girl with severe Autism. Mornings in our house are extremely touch and go. I can count multiple times where my daughter has thrown herself into a screaming, self-injurious, earth-shattering fit that can easily last up to an hour.....all over having her hair brushed, or a dislike of the way her socks felt on her feet. Sure, you have the option to force your child out to the car and haul them off to school, but I'm pretty sure that driving down the street watching your child punch herself in the face repeatedly and not doing anything to stop her is child neglect. We have been extremely blessed to have her in a school full of loving, caring and understanding teachers and support staff. I can safely say that we are 5-10 minutes late at least 2 days a week and on BAD days an hour or two.
I'm just absolutely disgusted that a school system would take it to that extreme. For people who SHOULD be knowledgeable in special needs to be without understanding and compassion, it makes you seriously wonder and almost fearful of what your child endures at school all day.
Yes rules are rules but there are always exceptions. This world isn't black or white. So maybe she tries to set stuff up the night before, get up earlier, or one of the other suggestions that would work for a non autistic child. Doesn't mean he won't have a meltdown or refuse to do a simple task. You cannot predict what an autistic child will and will not react to. For anyone to tell her to just "get up earlier" is just incredibly insensitive and you should feel blessed you don't have to go through this every single day. Like one poster said, if you aren't in her shoes then don't pass judgement and tell her what you think would or wouldn't work. How do you know?? A child who hates getting up is NOT the same as a child who may get up but does not function on the same level as other "normal" children. What a stupid comparison.