I should have known. I should have remembered. I should have freaking known.

The week between Christmas and New Years Eve is the worst week to be a parent. The kids have a week off, they're suffering a Christmas hangover, and I'm trying to dig myself out from under the pile of boxes I've been trying (in vain) to recycle while I try to get some work done.

This week would've been so much easier if I'd simply prepared for it. If I'd had half a brain, I'd have simply done it. Mental note: next year, follow these steps.

  1. Prepared a constant IV infusion of vodka so that I might actually stand a chance at being drunk on New Years.
  2. Found a babysitter for those pesky times I had to go to the hospital and care for my husband after his emergency appendectomy.
  3. See also: number one.
  4. Made some sacrifice to the Weather Gods in the hopes that it would actually snow.
  5. Made some sacrifice to the Gods of Fairness to regrow my appendix so I'd be the one requiring emergency abdominal surgery and a blissful hospitalization.
  6. Go back in time and brush my teeth more thoroughly so that I would not require emergency oral surgery at precisely the same time my husband's appendix decided to act up.
  7. Create a robot monkey butler to care for both my husband and I while we each recovered from minor surgery.
  8. Get 25 extra cans of colored play-doh so that you still have colors after the kids mush together all of the cans that came with the play-sets.
  9. Bought 24 AA batteries to supply all of the toys that require them.
  10. Bought a tarp large enough to cover the whole back yard, so that I could send the kids outside to play in the mud, as, thanks to the Weather Gods, there is no snow.
  11. Hired a maid service ahead to come once a day between the 25th and the 2nd so that my house stood a chance.
  12. Bought a third television so that there's no fighting about who gets to watch what.
  13. Called your accountant and told him to find a way to get all these things written off as "business expenses" since every day on Winter Break is "take your child to work day" when you work from home.
  14. Greased the inside door knobs on all the children's rooms so that they can't get out without parental help.
  15. Bought ear plugs to avoid listening to husband's whining about aforementioned abdominal surgery.
  16. Reminded The Twitter that you were serious when you said they could take your kids for free at any time.
  17. Stocked up on Pixie Sticks, so that the kids can have about 4 each RIGHT BEFORE my husband gets home, so that he can see what your day was like without having to ask.
  18. Rented an extra garbage can from the garbage company, so that you have somewhere to put all the wrapping from Christmas.
  19. Arranged to donate 53 pounds of Christmas candy to some charitable organizations.
  20. Bought hair dye for cat, Mr. Sprinkes, to dye his coat back to it's natural color after it's been markered up by the kids.


Are you going crazy this week?