6 Most Excellent Ways To Embarrass Your Preteen

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I'm a big fan of embarrassing people. My family has  a longstanding tradition of shaming one another, just for fun, so I grew up in an environment where I couldn't go to the bathroom without someone asking me if I was "going to take a poop." At age 20.

Really, there's been nothing more exciting to me than having kids of my own. Kids who made my skin sag, my nipples leak, and who don't allow me to use the bathroom without an audience.

Well, it's time (rubs hands craftily) to pay them back.

  1. Ask your preteen daughter anything about underwear. In fact, bring up underwear at any feasible point, especially if her friends are around. There's nothing preteens like more than to talk about their underwear.

  2. Kiss them goodbye. Hell, kiss them hello! Just make sure to plant a big fat kiss on their cheek at every available opportunity. We all know how much preteens love to be associated with their Mommy.

  3. Send notes in their lunch bag and sign them "Love, Mommy." Why? Because there's nothing more awesome than pulling out their peanut butter sandwich and dropping a note from Mom in front of the boy (or girl) she's crushing on.

  4. Write on their Facebook wall. Obsessively. There's nothing a tween likes more than seeing a zillion, "I Love You's" from their mom on their Facebook wall.

  5. Chaperon him on his first date. Be sure to regale your son and his date with all kinds of stories about "when he was a baby." If possible, whip out a photo album and punctuate each story with a picture. Naked baby pictures are the best.

  6. Whenever possible, walk with your child INTO the school wearing a robe, bunny slippers and hair curlers. Be sure to introduce yourself as "Your Child's Mom." Why? Every kid loves to see their Mom marching around the school dressed to the nines.

 

What other ways can you embarrass your preteen? I need some new ideas!


Image via frankjuarez/Flickr

behavior, friends, girls, sex & dating, tweens

69 Comments

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Justa... Justamom283

When my daughter wouldn't answer her phone or texts after a slumber party at her friend's house, I showed up at the house in my robe. Having all her friends see me standing at the front door sent the message at least for a week, "Answer your phone when I call Dammit!"

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Lol justamom! That's freaking hilarious!

dreab... dreabug23

When they don't listen to me in public, I dance...very badly. That ALWAYS fixes the problem.

Melis... Melissa042807

I would tell you what my mother-in-law used to do to embarrass my husband in the market, but it's so politically incorrect that I would get flogged. But it's funny!

chigi... chigirl1228

My kids aren't anywhere near preteen yet but my niece is. And me and her mom embaress her on facebook on a weekly basis. Its so fun. At first she was mortified but now she says that her friends stalk her page just to see what we will write next. If anything it made her more popular. Good to know she has developed a sense of humor!

Kaila... KailaCheyenne

Hahaha I'm seventeen and I would love for my parents to do these things. The only things that would really bother me would be the walking into school thing and first date... That should bother anyone.

starl... starlight1968

1st- I do not believe in embarrassing your child in front of others, they have enough grief we don't need to add to it.


2nd- I don't find a few of those as "embarrassing" things to do..I tell my dd I love her every day, I put notes in her lunch (when she takes them) for special occasions and I have to add that a couple of her friends wish theirs would too.


I even chat with my oldest on her facebook... OH I also play a computer game with my dd and she always tells people that I"m her mom, when they wouldn't know unless she tells them.


I love my relationship with my 2 girls and they tell me they love me doing what I do.


To many kids have parents that don't do anything or enough LOVE to them and they look for it in others then.  so very sad.

amand... amanda_mom89

*rolls eyes.



It's ok to embarass your kids every once in a while..it humbles them.



I still have a while before my kids are teens so I'm plotting.



I love the dancing badly idea!! Lol

nonmember avatar Skittle pies

Ok, I AM A TEENAGER and would like to talk bout one thing. The #1 you said, about your daughter's undergarments, that is NOT ok. Girls are ashamed enough as it about our bodies and for you to think its ok to bring that up in public is horrible! You may think its cute or funny but it hurts your daughter. How can we trust you, OUR OWN MOTHERS, when there's a possibility that your going to humiliate me in front of my friends about something private. I'm not trying to rain on the parade because the rest of the article was funyny but I have a serious problem with the #1 thing. Girls are already self-conscious and maybe part of it is mothers talking about something private like this in front of everyone.

douxm... douxmusique

It's just underwear, that your mama probably bought for.you and its not going to scare anyone Lmao.



I sing loudly at stores and dance. It pretty Mich makes my day and.embarased the hell out of my kids hahaha

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