We all know children whose behavior is downright terrible. Spoiled, crybaby, I-always-get-my-own-way little people who are, albeit adorable, also little hellraisers. You see — and hear — them in stores and PTA meetings and, goodness gracious, the confined space of airplanes, just a-hollerin’ and fussin’ because they can.
And then you meet their parents and, suddenly, your perspective becomes so much clearer as to why they are as obnoxious as they are.
It’s because their moms and dads give them the space and self-righteousness to think they can act any kind of way and be justified. Then they have the nerve to send those little dudes and dudettes to school for some poor teacher to try to educate. It’s one thing to give their kid reign of their household if they’re going to homeschool them. But when they send them out into somebody’s classroom, those children become a bigger problem.
But those are almost always, always, always the parents who are in denial about how badly their child really behaves. So when the poor teacher calls home to discuss a problem or issue they’ve been having with the kid, Mom and Dad are in denial because they think their little precious can do no wrong. Nothing that should warrant a time-out from the teacher, anyway. With their parents ready to defend their honor and have their back at all times — even to the extent of telling the teacher off — Junior continues to cut up in every classroom he or she parks his keister in, making the teacher’s job harder and the rest of the student’s school day longer.
There are too many parents who operate under that “customer is always right” syndrome that makes them believe that their child’s educator is at their mercy. I’ve heard them argue that without their kids as students, the teachers would be out of jobs and the school district would be broke (which is always hilarious to me because most of this commentary is targeted at school districts that are clearly already broke). If they hired a private tutor, they would be entitled to feel and react that way. That doesn’t give them or their kids the right to act like straight up hellions in a classroom with at least a dozen other students.
It’s disrespectful to the poor educator trying to do their job and, honestly, to the kid too, who’s under the impression that he or she doesn’t have to adhere to rules because their mama or daddy will show up and set it off on their behalf. So then they grow up and take that attitude into high school and college and the workforce, always having had their parents pet and groom them into thinking their boo boo don’t stink. It’s a formula for disaster. Or at least lots and lots of frustration.
Despite all of my parental shortcomings and fallibilities, I do have a handful of plus points, and one of the big ones is that I’m impartial when it comes to my kid. I don’t fluff her up to act like she’s above doing wrong in school or otherwise. So when one of her teachers calls me and lets me know she was showing her tail, I don’t give them a hard way to go with the “gasp, not my child!” routine. But I see other moms and dads doing it all the time.
Sometimes a situation warrants having your kid’s back, particularly if they’re being accused of doing something that you know goes totally against their personality or behavior. If someone called from school and told me that Miss Skylar spent the entire class passing notes and talking to the girls beside her, I’d be up there first thing smoking to put her chatty rear end in check. If they told me that she picked a fight with another student that ended in a physical brawl, I wouldn’t believe it and I’d get to the bottom of it because that’s not my child’s style.
But these parents whose kids stress them out at home seem to think their offspring couldn’t possibly be a burden to some poor teacher — or I guess, at the very least, they think it’s just their job to suck it up and deal with crappy behavior, especially when mom and dad are standing up for it.
Are you more inclined to side with the teacher or your child if you get a call or notice from the school?
Image via George Eastman House/Flickr
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Comments 58
Now a days, a lot of parents don't think their sweet little (Insert name here) could ever be the problem. It's always someone else's fault. Not only about how their child acts in school, but about the grades they receive as well. They didn't receive the assignment, the teacher was too hard on them, something wasn't fair, etc...We are in a narcissism epidemic and it needs to stop, because it's not doing our kids any favors.
As a teacher, I have absolutely seen this kind of behavior from students and parents. Some kids can do no wrong. It compounds the issue that parents tell me that their child is always well-behaved at home but bad at school. Then other parents tell the that their kid is a hellion at home but behaves perfectly at school (that was ME as a child!). The ones with the horrible behavior, though- I just find it hard to believe that they are perfect at home. Hasn't someone taught them to respect others, not just their parents? It definitely makes my job harder when parents don't believe me. Why would I lie? I always try to get to the bottom of the issue before I report it to the parents, and I try to be fair. And I always try to be the one to contact the parent before the child gets a chance to tell them, especially when the child was on the receiving end of some wrongdoing.
My mom had a great attitude and always gives the same advice to younger parents who have kids in school: "Things go a lot smoother if you work as a team with your child's teacher. Remember, you guys are on the same side." She always had great relationships with our teachers and together they kicked our butts. Well, except a few teachers - but those were just all-around bad teachers, which there are always a few of in the bunch.
Unfortunately I witnessed A LOT of the dynamic addressed in this article. At the school I worked at (wonder why I only lasted a year???) the parents had the run of the joint and they knew it. If anyone DARED discipline their little angel they were right up in our faces rescuing their child from our horrible clutches. So the kids ran wild. It was hell.
I so agree with this article that I could have written it myself! LOL!
My parents had my back when needed but also didn't let me slide when things were going on. 8th grade was my troublesome year as far as friends were concerned, but in school I had a teacher that singled me out. She would hit me for dress code violations when I wore the same shorts as my friends (we were all the same height and build) and my preacher-father bought the shorts so they were not inappropriate. She chased me down a hallway and started yelling at me in front of a classroom of students and another teacher because she thought I needed more than a hall pass to go to the restroom. She was my algebra teacher and woud not grade me on the same curve as the rest of the class. I could compare homework and exams to other students, have the same answers, yet not have the same points or half credits as them. My parents told me to make sure to be extra polite, quiet and cooperative in her class after meeting with the principal. She continued to treat me unfairly. Years later when she moved up to the high school, she would say Hi to me in the halls and I would avoid her as much as possible. Some teachers determine a kid is trouble without cause and I'm so glad my parents went to bat for me. I hope to have the same good judgement with my children as they did with me.