Mommy Guilt Is a Pointless Emotion

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Guilt is something we all feel even if we don't admit it. We feel guilty for working and not being with our children 24/7. We feel guilty for not working and failing to bring home a paycheck or keep up our careers. We feel guilty for our lack of sex drive or our overweening one and we feel guilty for not cooking a homemade meal every night. This guilt thing is killing us mamas.

We need to stop it. Now.

Somehow in our culture, we have taught moms to feel guilty about everything and it's destroying us. Kim Ruch-Alegant is a lawyer turned healer who has a whole website devoted to mom guilt. She sends weekly lessons and "tapping sessions" to help end the guilt once and for all.

Ruch-Alegant says:

Acknowledging the negative feelings and then using positive affirmations is the key to banishing guilty thoughts. You have to love and accept yourself, even your guilty self, in order to let the feelings go.

Sounds good, right? But it isn't so easy. Personally, I feel guilty for everything. I feel guilty for sending my daughter to an after-school program when I don't necessarily have to. I feel guilty for using childcare to take care of personal needs like hair and nail appointments. I feel guilty for going out at night when they are asleep or running when they are awake.

If they watch TV, I have guilt, and if I skip the park and go to the grocery store? Then more. It's maddening and is the best way to be miserable in parenting.

Lucky for me, Rush-Alegant has offered to allow me access to her program to try it out. Over the next few weeks, I will do so and report back.

If I am able to rid myself of mommy guilt, I will be the happiest mom ever. Because honestly, I love almost every other part of motherhood. But the guilt is awful.

Do you ever feel mommy guilt?

 

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vanes... vanessa5470

I can't believe more people haven't replied to this. Pressures from other moms, family, friends is what fuels this "mommy guilt" in my opinion.



Can't wait to see what you come back with!

jpfsmom jpfsmom

I was going to say...don't certain bloggers thrive on making moms feel guilty if they don't parent the way they do? "You probably are putting your car seat in wrong" "The Natural Birth every true mother should have". "Formula will make your child dumb". If it wasn't for mother's guilt or trying to inflict it Cafemom would cease to exist.

allie... alliesmom112

I think that every mom deals with it. Even as a sahm I suffer from it

Torto... Tortoise77

I dont feel any guilt whats so ever. I am confident about my parenting choices. I am in no way the best mom out there but I do the best I can with that I have. I dont think I have ever felt guilty. I think moms should stop acting like victims. All moms should stop feeling guilty. I am tired of moms putting guilt on themselves and then blaming other people for their own guilty feelings. 

Haley Huddleston

The only time I feel really guilty is when I wake baby girl up in the morning and she wants me to lay with her, or asks if we can stay home all day and I have to say no because I have to go to work.  She doesn't understand that and it KILLS me to have to say no to snuggle time.

hempm... hempmommy87

I would love to know how it works out for you! I have trouble dealing with mom guilt, as well. I take it as a learning experience though. Guilt is a normal, human emotional. It's there for a reason. It's not healthy to let it consume you but to embrace the guilt, learn from it and move on, is. 

hempm... hempmommy87

Oops, I meant emotion, not emotional.

nonmember avatar Mommy3

I absolutely agree, without "mommy guilt" this website and others like it wouldnt exist. The young woman who decided to demand we all believe she has NEVER felt guilt in parenting is proof that fellow moms, (friends family, etc) are the reason we feel how we do. It is no different than any other situation in which women deal with each other exclusively. Essentially, we need to stop looking out and start looking in. Stop pushing your insecurities on your friends and family! Instead of talking about how horrid some mothers you know are, praise the ones that surprise you. We all deserve to feel appreciated, and could easily provide that to each other as a community. Sometimes motherhood feels like a public trial. Thats way too sad.

Nraw2011 Nraw2011

I go out to eat with friends.  I get private time.  I travel once or twice a year.  No guilt here.  

JCout... JCoutureDallas

I have it sometimes, but I try not to let it bother me cause I know im a good parent and I try to do my best and were human and sometimes make mistakes.

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